Trollslum Critique Thread
08-02-2013, 05:33 AM
Post: #101
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(07-30-2013 05:49 PM)Silvy Wrote:  [Image: tumblr_inline_mg8nj929e01qg9t2t.png][Image: tumblr_m9t6o0PTYF1qh9j9jo2_250.png]

Your name is SILVER APELLE and you like to think you're REALLY COOL. Though whats cool about a 7 1/2 SWEEP-OLD JADEBLOOD who has a tendency to LIE about almost anything? Everything, thats what.
Something you won't lie about though, is your LUSUS, who happens to be the BEST, REALLY OVERPROTECTIVE, IRRITATING lusus ever, who actually BUMS YOU OUT a little. She happens to be a fairly large SCREECHDEVIL (or at least thats what you like to call her, she's actually just a giant HOOTBEAST.) who likes to be called MOMMA BUBO. She currently resides within your HIVE, which is big enough to support both you and her, and just the right size for a JADE like yourself. It's actually nothing really impressive at all. It's really messy, with paint, feathers, and newspaper clippings all over the place. It's a dump. But that's cool with you, you happen to like those things.

PAINTING and DRAWING are your two main interests, as seen by the state of your HIVE (and your CLOTHES most of the time. You're a very messy painter). You enjoy painting the SUNRISE, a sight you have only witnessed once for a fraction of a second (a sight that caused your eyesight to be less than stellar), most of all, but alongside that you're also fond of painting HISTORICAL FIGURES and REBELLIOUS LEADERS, as well as your favorite subject of all, the CONDESCE.

Your love of HISTORY is what had influenced such paintings, of course. You just really love you some good old fashioned REBELLIONS that are SMASHED under the CONDESCES mighty, yet lovely, fist. It's really great to read about all these old FLEET GENERALS and leaders, and you know it can be DANGEROUS to look up all these REBELLIONS, but, you really don't care anymore. They're inspiring! They make you want to work on your fighting skills more so that you'll make it to the FLEET yourself. If she loves generals and the military so much, does she ever incorporate historical things into her life? Does she look for reenactments of battles? Follow old military strategies for regular life? Try to emulate the Condesce/Generals in how she acts?

Which you won't. Not that you're not strong enough, you do have your almighty BROOMKIND to help whap some idiots upside the head. You just won't ever get any QUADRANTS. That's your big issue. Almost 8 sweeps and you've yet to feel a single thing for ANYONE. AT ALL. It's probably just all in your head, or maybe it's because you LIE so much (really, you're pretty much a compulsive liar at this point), you've started to think that you're lying to yourself when you think you might feel something for someone. You don't care, really, anymore.

Is she actually suffering from compulsive lying? That's a real mental disease and could totally apply to her. She needs an actual reason to be a compulsive liar however. It doesn't (and probably shouldn't) be stated in the profile, just keep it in mind that a compulsive liar usually has a strong internal reason for why they lie so much.

You use the time you've got left to just goof around, really! That's all you do. You goof around on the internet, you goof around with your FETCH MODUS (which happens to be known as 'You-just-store-things-in-your-hair-because-you-can', or the HAIR MODUS), you goof around on the internet some more and then you goof around with TROLLIAN.

That modus seems to get a lot of use out of fantrollers. However I'm not a fan of it because it seems to have next-to-nothing to do with the actual captcha system. Where's the fun in just easily getting access to what you want from your hair? At least add some sort of difficulty to the modus that makes it frustrating to use.

Your trollian is tumblingPigments, and you're p gosh darned relaxed in every way ya speak, and you aint got no time ta even bother keepin it consistant, its p great. ya also have a tendency ta ramble a bit, and takl real fast so yer words get kinda jumbled up!!!!!!!!!!!

What's she think of the hemospectrum? Does she like it? Does she ever abuse it for her own gain?


TL; DR
Name: Silver Apelle
Blood colour/Hex: Jade (#0B8B5A)
Gender: Female
Age: 7 1/2 sweeps
TrollTag: tumblingPigments
Quirk: real big drawl, don even bother ta finish half th shit she says, lies all the god damned time
Strife Specibus: B-b-b-b-broomkind
Fetch Modus: HAIR MODUS - she basically shoves things in her hair and hopes for the best
Lusus: Giant great-horned owl named Momma Bubo
Title: Knight of Breath
Land: Land of Mirrors and Spirits
Quadrants: N/A

No major problems, mostly just nitpicking. Good job silvster.

Here overlard. do your thing. (or well anyone i guess)
(08-02-2013 01:48 AM)The Necromancer Wrote:  I SURE HOPE THIS DOESN'T COUNT AS DOUBLE POSTS. NOT MY FAULT THIS SHITS DEAD.

I don't have a sprite yet. But once I find an artist whose hungry for some poorly written smut, I'll have one.
Samael Annapa

Your name is SAMAEL ANNAPA and you are 7.5 sweep old today! Too bad half WRIGGLING DAYS don't count! Then again, real WRIGGLLING DAYS don't mean anything to you either! Your BLOOD COLOR is CERULEAN and you are a curious troll. You reside north of the SWAMPS and east of the nearest CITY. You travel to both frequently on your small RIVERBOAT you made yourself. On your journey you try to educate TROLLS on the AFTERLIFE. The AFTERLIFE has always been a topic of both interest and curiosity to you. You do not fear it, but you also do not live in ignorance of it. Your duty to the AFTERLIFE doesn't end there. You also are a practiced UNDERTAKER. You make it your goal to perform SACRED RITES and BURNINGS of all corpses you come across lest they RISE UP FROM THEIR GRAVES. Unlike other DEATH obsessed TROLLS you don't mean to CULL in great quantities. You simply wish to prepare TROLLS for their UNTIMELY DEMISE. Your opinion on theHEMOSPECTRUM is the same as how you feel about DEATH, it's a part of life. Though, you choose to mask yourself as to lessen the bias of BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM.

So what about their lusus? You didn't mention one at all in the profile, and every troll has one. How did the lusus affect their early life? Did it encourage the love of the dead in the first place?

You also have found a fondness for certain activities in your travels. You've gotten pretty good at GAMES of the TRADITIONAL variety. Ones meant to be played between TWO TROLLS. When in your lonesome on your RIVER travels, you've taken to playing music with the BONES instrument.

How do other trolls even see them? It seems like more than a few would be at least weirded out by them, so how do they get anyone to join them in said games? In fact what are said games? "Traditional variety" is really vague.

Your strifespecibus is LAMPKIND. Specifically the LAMP you use to guide your RIVERBOAT. Not only does it guide the RIVERBOAT but it double for your modus. You guide your inventory out and into the plain of existence. Your troll tag is guidedFerryman and you e☠emPlIfy your devotIon to the afteRlIfe.


Add the lusus, and possibly mention the gender somewhere in a TL;DR. Other than that, you've covered all the basics in the profile. Even if she is anon, do they always avoid the temptation to abuse her higher position on the hemospectrum to make people listen to them?
(08-02-2013 02:37 AM)Dudemaster47 Wrote:  Well, I also got a new troll ready for everything, and I think she's pretty good but I know the profile is probably rough and could use someone else to run a finely tuned eye over it and make sure it's alright. So, without further ado...

>Be the totally trustworthy troll

[Image: S4VFuYu.png][Image: Lq2SKSo.png]
Your name is ATMANI EIDOLA, and you are ALWAYS honest.

It's practically your biggest fault. You COULDN'T tell a lie even if YOU WANTED TO. Hell, you're not even sure you're capable of LYING. You're TOTALLY OUTGOING, and absolutely NOT EVASIVE AT ALL. You're NOT EVEN SURE why you hide your blood! It's probably because you THINK IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, really? Your lusus BERATES you for being a SLOB and oh did you mention you HATE MAGIC TRICKS? They're just big old con games, and conning people is so deceitful and...mean! You HATE it!

............

Okay, that's actually total and utter bullshit. Let's try this again.

>Be the compulsive liar
Your name is ATMANI EIDOLA, and YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT HONESTY WAS IF IT BIT YOU IN YOUR 6-SWEEP-OLD ASS.

Let's just get this out of the way first: You are a FANTASTIC liar, and you aren't afraid to use this skill to your benefit. Well, sort of. You actually have trouble NOT lying to people. This rings especially true when people ask about personal things, even if they're minor. Honestly, you don't like sharing personal information, anyway. No one needs to know shit about you, at least other than your name and how to contact you, maybe. Unfortunately, you have a bit of difficulty keeping track of your lies, and generally can only maintain one while it's the current subject of conversation. Also unfortunately, this means that you can end up being COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY INCONSISTENT WITH YOUR OWN STORIES, especially if asked the same question twice or if talking to the same person at different times. Still, if someone accuses you of lying, you steadfastly deny it.

Just going to mention up front that you're going to really need to "cut the fat" out of this profile. It's huge! Not as big as some seen but there's certainly enough stacked text to kill a small goat. Just remember to avoid a ton of fluff and get the basics out first, then tack on a bit of fluff to explain some of the basics.

For as long as you can remember, you've always had a fascination with the art of PHOTOGRAPHY. In fact, you're so into it that you're almost always snapping pictures of things and storing them in your SCRAPBOOKS. From things such as the people you meet to pictures of your hive and lusus, hell, to just random stuff you see on the street, you take pictures of EVERYTHING and label the pictures religiously. Most of the time you use a Polaroid camera, but you also like to use a nicer camera for more ARTISTIC endeavors. Obviously, you only use ANALOG cameras, and utterly refuse to use any kind of digital camera, much like any REAL photographer would. Other than photography and your almost religious habit of scrapbooking EVERYTHING, you also enjoy doing various hivework. Your lusus taught you the importance of keeping a clean hive at a very young age, and it always stuck with you. While you don't obsessively clean things when outside of your home, you do prefer things to be clean and will usually wipe things like tables or chairs off with sanitary wipes quickly just to ensure their cleanliness. Along with keeping yourself and your hive clean, your lusus also taught you how to cook, something that grew into a daily activity that you enjoy more than anything else. You like to think of yourself as an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD COOK, and almost exclusively prepare your own meals.

You have an interest in performing MAGIC TRICKS, especially those involving SLEIGHT OF HAND. Occasionally, you even try to WOW others by making mundane objects DISAPPEAR! Your favorite props to use for these tricks are CAPTCHA CARDS, especially those belonging to anyone who happens to be in your "audience", so to speak. Of course, this is actually an excuse to STEAL THEIR BELONGINGS. You don't just take their stuff and run, though. You even hand them everything back! They just don't notice that anything is missing until you're long gone. You are also something of an ACCOMPLISHED PICKPOCKET, and are liable to take things from other people if you deem it safe to do so. You also use sleight of hand for various other purposes, such as hiding your blood from others by using dye packs and "cutting your hand" to make it appear that you are bleeding. You only do this if they refuse to believe the random color that you spew out when asked and are determined to force it out of you, though. There's no need to go to extreme measures when you don't have to, after all.

The issue with being a pickpocket is that most people don't even use their pockets. They use the captcha card system, which as far as we know can only be accessed by the person with the fetch modus. Even if she managed to steal a captcha card, she'd have to figure out some way of getting past the original modus' system that keeps the usual owner out. Just keep that in mind.

To most other people, you tend to come off as SHY. You usually speak fairly quietly, especially around higher bloods...and people who are overly enthusiastic. Other than your constant lying, you are somewhat POLITE and RESPECTFUL. You suffer from POOR MEMORY, although you're fairly sure it wasn't always so bad. You think things started to get kinda hazy at SOME POINT IN THE PAST, after...SOMETHING HAPPENED. You're not sure what, though. You have an easier time recalling things if you have images of them, as well as notes referencing what happened, but it's not foolproof and you tend to FORGET THINGS AS SOON AS THEY ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT if you don't record them through some means. So does she have trouble remembering names? That sounds like it could be an issue with talking to other trolls, unless she just avoids talking to the same person twice. You also have difficulty TRUSTING PEOPLE WITH INFORMATION, and as such prefer to LIE ABOUT YOURSELF than take chances and accidentally reveal something that might be dangerous for other people to know. You already mentioned that in the first paragraph. It doesn't really help that your memory creates a need to FILL IN THE BLANKS sometimes, but...well...anyway. You aren't very fond of fighting, and try to avoid it whenever possible. Of course, this is a difficult task, especially for an anonymous troll on Alternia, so you try to DISORIENT and OVERWHELM opponents through various means, and then flee for your life. If you need to, you will resort to violent methods of subduing an opponent, but that's only if you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.

You're capable of psionics, too! You are able to psionically create TWO INCORPOREAL DUPLICATES OF YOURSELF. It's a power that you use to great effect, due to the fact that the duplicates are VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL TO YOU. They are even capable of vocalizing and producing sound! You are able to control their movements and even have a vague awareness of their surroundings as well, as they tend to DISAPPEAR when they RUN INTO SOLID OBJECTS. Although...it's actually really hard to control three bodies simultaneously, so you have them MIMIC EVERYTHING YOU DO SIMULTANEOUS TO YOUR DOING IT, albeit moving in different direction. While this restricts you to more pattern-like movement, it's purpose of CONFUSION AND MISDIRECTION still serves you very well.

Your lusus is a SMALL 3-TAILED FOX, who you lovingly named KITTY. You actually forget why you named her Kitty, but YOU'RE PRETTY SURE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CATS. Your lusus has been your teacher for almost EVERYTHING, schoolfeeding you in the ways of PROPER HIVEHOLD MAINTENANCE, CULINARY EXCELLENCE, and the ARTS OF DECEPTION. She is also fluffy and adorable and you love her forever. Your fetch modus is the POLYGRAPH MODUS, which requires you to pass a lie detector test to retrieve items. Should you fail, it ejects everything from your modus, but despite your almost constant lying you RARELY EVER FAIL. You actually have two strife specibi, cameraKind and knifeKind. You prefer to use cameraKind, using a special camera with an exceptionally bright flash bulb in conjunction with your power to blind and disorient opponents with flashes of light constantly coming from all sides. You also keep a spare chef's knife in your knifeKind specibus on the off-chance you need to use an actual weapon to defend yourself, as well as for some of your "MAGIC TRICKS". Your trolltag is darkroomDoppelganger and [1: y0u like T0 Preserve a TH0usand wOrds wiTHin a single frame] Be aware that the prefix/suffix brackets thing has been used before.


Alright, well, there's not that much wrong with the character itself. The biggest issue with this profile is that it's the size of a small textbook! You gotta cut a lot of the extraneous information out! Less is more, after all. Look at how other people write shorter profiles if you need an example. You don't need five gigantic paragraphs, it's only one character.

If you were to play a CERTAIN GAME, you would be the KNIGHT OF HEART in the LAND OF GAMES AND MUSIC.
tl;dr
Name: Atmani Eidola
Blood: ???, uses #A0A0A0
Age: 6 Sweeps
Lusus: 3-Tailed Fox, named "Kitty"
Fetch Modus: Polygraph
Specibus: cameraKind, knifeKind
Trolltag: darkroomDoppelganger
Quirk: Encloses each sentence in a set of brackets. Each sentence starts with a number denominating when it comes in the post, first 3 O's are 0s, PHOTO is capitalized. As a side note, she will place any extra 0s at the end of the "frame" if there are less than 3 O's in a sentence, and the size of her text changes depending on who she is speaking to.
Title: Knight of Heart
Land: Land of Games and Music (LOGAM)

I tried.

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-02-2013, 06:06 AM
Post: #102
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-02-2013 02:37 AM)Dudemaster47 Wrote:  Well, I also got a new troll ready for everything, and I think she's pretty good but I know the profile is probably rough and could use someone else to run a finely tuned eye over it and make sure it's alright. So, without further ado...

>Be the totally trustworthy troll

[Image: S4VFuYu.png][Image: fjk66V6.png]
Your name is ATMANI EIDOLA, and you are ALWAYS honest.

It's practically your biggest fault. You COULDN'T tell a lie even if YOU WANTED TO. Hell, you're not even sure you're capable of LYING. You're TOTALLY OUTGOING, and absolutely NOT EVASIVE AT ALL. You're NOT EVEN SURE why you hide your blood! It's probably because you THINK IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, really? Your lusus BERATES you for being a SLOB and oh did you mention you HATE MAGIC TRICKS? They're just big old con games, and conning people is so deceitful and...mean! You HATE it!

............

Okay, that's actually total and utter bullshit. Let's try this again.

>Be the compulsive liar
Your name is ATMANI EIDOLA, and YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT HONESTY WAS IF IT BIT YOU IN YOUR 6-SWEEP-OLD ASS.

Let's just get this out of the way first: You are a FANTASTIC liar, and you aren't afraid to use this skill to your benefit. Well, sort of. You actually have trouble NOT lying to people. This rings especially true when people ask about personal things, even if they're minor. Honestly, you don't like sharing personal information, anyway. No one needs to know shit about you, at least other than your name and how to contact you, maybe. Unfortunately, you have a bit of difficulty keeping track of your lies, and generally can only maintain one while it's the current subject of conversation. Also unfortunately, this means that you can end up being COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY INCONSISTENT WITH YOUR OWN STORIES, especially if asked the same question twice or if talking to the same person at different times. Still, if someone accuses you of lying, you steadfastly deny it.

Is there anything that get's her to say the truth? or does she really not say any truths no matter what? Like what if she was injured at at the doctor or something?

For as long as you can remember, you've always had a fascination with the art of PHOTOGRAPHY. In fact, you're so into it that you're almost always snapping pictures of things and storing them in your SCRAPBOOKS. From things such as the people you meet to pictures of your hive and lusus, hell, to just random stuff you see on the street, you take pictures of EVERYTHING and label the pictures religiously. Most of the time you use a Polaroid camera, but you also like to use a nicer camera for more ARTISTIC endeavors. Obviously, you only use ANALOG cameras, and utterly refuse to use any kind of digital camera, much like any REAL photographer would. Other than photography and your almost religious habit of scrapbooking EVERYTHING, you also enjoy doing various hivework. Your lusus taught you the importance of keeping a clean hive at a very young age, and it always stuck with you. While you don't obsessively clean things when outside of your home, you do prefer things to be clean and will usually wipe things like tables or chairs off with sanitary wipes quickly just to ensure their cleanliness. Along with keeping yourself and your hive clean, your lusus also taught you how to cook, something that grew into a daily activity that you enjoy more than anything else. You like to think of yourself as an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD COOK, and almost exclusively prepare your own meals.

Nothing really wrong with this section, If I were to nit pick I'd ask how others react to her taking photo's all the time. Otherwise nothing wrong with this.

You have an interest in performing MAGIC TRICKS, especially those involving SLEIGHT OF HAND. Occasionally, you even try to WOW others by making mundane objects DISAPPEAR! Your favorite props to use for these tricks are CAPTCHA CARDS, especially those belonging to anyone who happens to be in your "audience", so to speak. Of course, this is actually an excuse to STEAL THEIR BELONGINGS. You don't just take their stuff and run, though. You even hand them everything back! They just don't notice that anything is missing until you're long gone. You are also something of an ACCOMPLISHED PICKPOCKET, and are liable to outright take things from other people if you deem it safe to do so. You also use sleight of hand for various other purposes, such as hiding your blood from others by using dye packs and "cutting your hand" to make it appear that you are bleeding. You only do this if they refuse to believe the random color that you spew out when asked and are determined to force it out of you, though. There's no need to go to extreme measures when you don't have to, after all.

Nothing wrong here or that I see could be worked on

To most other people, you tend to come off as SHY. You usually speak fairly quietly, especially around higher bloods...and people who are overly enthusiastic. Other than your constant lying, you are somewhat POLITE and RESPECTFUL. You suffer from POOR MEMORY, although you're fairly sure it wasn't always so bad. You think things started to get kinda hazy at SOME POINT IN THE PAST, after...SOMETHING HAPPENED. You're not sure what, though. You have an easier time recalling things if you have images of them, as well as notes referencing what happened, but it's not foolproof and you tend to FORGET THINGS AS SOON AS THEY ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT if you don't record them through some means. You also have difficulty TRUSTING PEOPLE WITH INFORMATION, and as such prefer to LIE ABOUT YOURSELF than take chances and accidentally reveal something that might be dangerous for other people to know. It doesn't really help that your memory creates a need to FILL IN THE BLANKS sometimes, but...well...anyway. You aren't very fond of fighting, and try to avoid it whenever possible. Of course, this is a difficult task, especially for an anonymous troll on Alternia, so you try to DISORIENT and OVERWHELM opponents through various means, and then flee for your life. If you need to, you will resort to violent methods of subduing an opponent, but that's only if you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.

Again nothing I see that can be worked on.

You're capable of psionics, too! You are able to psionically create TWO INCORPOREAL DUPLICATES OF YOURSELF. It's a power that you use to great effect, due to the fact that the duplicates are VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL TO YOU. They are even capable of vocalizing and producing sound! You are able to control their movements and even have a vague awareness of their surroundings as well, as they tend to DISAPPEAR when they RUN INTO SOLID OBJECTS. Although...it's actually really hard to control three bodies simultaneously, so you have them MIMIC EVERYTHING YOU DO SIMULTANEOUS TO YOUR DOING IT, albeit moving in different direction. While this restricts you to more pattern-like movement, it's purpose of CONFUSION AND MISDIRECTION still serves you very well.

What effects does it have on her when she uses the powers? is it simply tough to use or does it effect her in some way?

Your lusus is a SMALL 3-TAILED FOX, who you lovingly named KITTY. You actually forget why you named her Kitty, but YOU'RE PRETTY SURE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CATS. Your lusus has been your teacher for almost EVERYTHING, schoolfeeding you in the ways of PROPER HIVEHOLD MAINTENANCE, CULINARY EXCELLENCE, and the ARTS OF DECEPTION. She is also fluffy and adorable and you love her forever. Your fetch modus is the POLYGRAPH MODUS, which requires you to pass a lie detector test to retrieve items. Should you fail, it ejects everything from your modus, but despite your almost constant lying you RARELY EVER FAIL. You actually have two strife specibi, cameraKind and knifeKind. You prefer to use cameraKind, using a special camera with an exceptionally bright flash bulb in conjunction with your power to blind and disorient opponents with flashes of light constantly coming from all sides. You also keep a spare chef's knife in your knifeKind specibus on the off-chance you need to use an actual weapon to defend yourself, as well as for some of your "MAGIC TRICKS". Your trolltag is darkroomDoppelganger and [1: y0u like T0 Preserve a TH0usand wOrds wiTHin a single frame].

If you were to play a CERTAIN GAME, you would be the KNIGHT OF HEART in the LAND OF GAMES AND MUSIC.
Nothing here that I'd change or work on.
tl;dr
Name: Atmani Eidola
Blood: ???, uses #A0A0A0
Age: 6 Sweeps
Lusus: 3-Tailed Fox, named "Kitty"
Fetch Modus: Polygraph
Specibus: cameraKind, knifeKind
Trolltag: darkroomDoppelganger
Quirk: Encloses each sentence in a set of brackets. Each sentence starts with a number denominating when it comes in the post, first 3 O's are 0s, PHOTO is capitalized. As a side note, she will place any extra 0s at the end of the "frame" if there are less than 3 O's in a sentence, and the size of her text changes depending on who she is speaking to.
Title: Knight of Heart
Land: Land of Games and Music (LOGAM)

A great and very thought out troll, nothing is really wrong with it to an extreme.
Here's my crit DM, crit in orange again.
Reply
08-02-2013, 06:35 AM (This post was last modified: 08-02-2013 07:07 AM by Dudemaster47.)
Post: #103
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Alright so I looked at what you guys said, and I think I've cut out enough fluff here to make it less massive. (also I'll leave out the first part since it's not important for now)

[Image: S4VFuYu.png][Image: fjk66V6.png]
Your name is ATMANI EIDOLA, and YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT HONESTY WAS IF IT BIT YOU IN YOUR 6-SWEEP-OLD ASS.

Let's just get this out of the way first: You are a FANTASTIC liar, and you aren't afraid to use this skill to your benefit. Well, sort of. You actually have trouble NOT lying to people. This rings especially true when people ask about personal things. Honestly, you don't like sharing personal information, anyway. No one needs to know shit about you, at least other than your name and how to contact you. Unfortunately you have a bit of difficulty keeping track of your lies, and generally can only maintain one while it's the current subject of conversation. Also unfortunately, this means that you can end up being COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY INCONSISTENT WITH YOUR OWN STORIES. Still though, if someone accuses you of lying, you steadfastly deny it.

For as long as you can remember, you've always had a fascination with the art of PHOTOGRAPHY. In fact, you're so into it that you're almost always snapping pictures of things and storing them in your SCRAPBOOKS. You seen to be constantly snapping and labeling the pictures, stowing them away in your various scrapbooks and notebooks. you also enjoy doing various hivework. Your lusus taught you the importance of keeping a clean hive at a very young age, and it always stuck with you. Along with keeping yourself and your hive clean, your lusus also taught you how to cook, something that grew into a daily activity that you enjoy more than anything else. You like to think of yourself as an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD COOK, and almost exclusively prepare your own meals. You also have an interest in performing MAGIC TRICKS, especially those involving SLEIGHT OF HAND. You frequently try to impress others by making mundane objects DISAPPEAR! Your favorite props to use for these tricks are CAPTCHA CARDS, especially those belonging to anyone who happens to be in your "audience". Of course, this is actually an excuse to STEAL THEIR BELONGINGS. You don't just take their stuff and run, though. You even hand them everything back! They just don't notice that anything is missing until you're long gone. You also use sleight of hand for various other purposes, such as hiding your blood from others by using dye packs to make them think you're revealing it! But only if they're threatening violence to get it out of you.

To most other people, you tend to come off as SHY. You usually speak fairly quietly, especially around higher bloods...and people who are overly enthusiastic. Other than your constant lying, you are somewhat POLITE and RESPECTFUL. You suffer from POOR MEMORY, although you're fairly sure it wasn't always so bad. You think things started to get kinda hazy at SOME POINT IN THE PAST, after...SOMETHING HAPPENED. You're not sure what, though. You have an easier time recalling things if you have images of them, as well as notes referencing what happened. It's not foolproof and you tend to FORGET THINGS AS SOON AS THEY ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT if you don't record them through some means. You aren't very fond of fighting, and try to avoid it whenever possible. Of course, this is a difficult task for an anonymous troll to do, so you try to DISORIENT and OVERWHELM opponents through various means before fleeing for your life. However, if you absolutely have to you will resort to violent methods of subduing an opponent. You're capable of psionics, too! You are able to psionically create TWO INCORPOREAL DUPLICATES OF YOURSELF. Said duplicates are VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL TO YOU. They are even capable of vocalizing and producing sounds! You are able to control their movements and have a vague awareness of their surroundings, an important ability since they tend to DISAPPEAR when they MAKE CONTACT WITH SOLID OBJECTS. Although...it's actually really hard to control three bodies simultaneously, so you have them MIMIC EVERYTHING YOU DO, albeit moving in different directions.

Your lusus is a SMALL 3-TAILED FOX, who you lovingly named KITTY. Your lusus has been your teacher for almost EVERYTHING, schoolfeeding you in the ways of PROPER HIVEHOLD MAINTENANCE, CULINARY EXCELLENCE, and the ARTS OF DECEPTION. Your fetch modus is the POLYGRAPH MODUS, which requires you to pass a lie detector test to retrieve items. Should you fail, it ejects everything from your modus. You actually have two strife specibi, cameraKind and knifeKind. You prefer to use cameraKind, using a special camera with an exceptionally bright flash bulb in conjunction with your power to blind and disorient opponents. You also keep a spare chef's knife in your knifeKind specibusin case you need to use an actual weapon to defend yourself. Your trolltag is darkroomDoppelganger and [1: y0u like T0 Preserve a TH0usand wOrds wiTHin a single frame].

If you were to play a CERTAIN GAME, you would be the KNIGHT OF HEART in the LAND OF GAMES AND MUSIC.

Better? Also as for the "not remembering people she's encountered before", that is exactly right. Unless she takes a photo of them and labels it with their name, she won't even recognize someone, and even when she does, she may only have a very vague recollection. Of course, the more she actually records, the more she is able to remember (not just because of physical evidence, but the act of recording stuff in pictures and writing stuff down helps her to retain things). Pickpocket was removed because it wasn't really that important and, yeah, since people captcha stuff there's no point to it. So she just steals cards through her various tricks and deals with the problem of getting stuff out later.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
08-02-2013, 09:07 AM
Post: #104
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
I'd say everything I talked about was covered Alex, GJ
Reply
08-02-2013, 09:54 AM (This post was last modified: 08-02-2013 11:40 AM by The Necromancer.)
Post: #105
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Samael Annapa

Your name is SAMAEL ANNAPA and you are 7.5 sweep old today! Too bad half WRIGGLINGDAYS don't count! Then again, real WRIGGLLINGDAYS don't mean anything to you either! Your BLOOD COLOR is CERULEAN and you are a curious troll. You reside north of the SWAMPS and east of the nearest CITY. You travel to both frequently on your small RIVERBOAT you made yourself. On your journey you try to educate TROLLS on the AFTERLIFE. Unlike other DEATH obsessed TROLLS you don't mean to CULL in great quantities. You simply wish to prepare TROLLS for their UNTIMELY DEMISE. The AFTERLIFE has always been a topic of both interest and curiosity to you. You do not fear it, but you also do not live in ignorance of it. Your duty to the AFTERLIFE doesn't end there. You also are a practiced UNDERTAKER. You make it your goal to perform SACRED RITES and BURNINGS of all corpses you come across lest they RISE UP FROM THEIR GRAVES. Though you get to meet, befriend, and give final farewells to many TROLLS in ALTERNIA this way, your only true friend is your JACKALBEAST LUSUS. While he doesn't talk much, he is a firm protector to you while you embark on your DUTIES to the AFTERLIFE.

Your opinion on theHEMOSPECTRUM is the same as how you feel about DEATH, it's a part of life. Though, you choose to mask yourself as to lessen the bias of BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM when doing your work with dying TROLLS.
Quote:I get why someone would want to lessen a bias of the spectrum, but wouldn't going anon really only make everyone hate her? That sounds like more of a bias to me.
Well, not everything about a character's personality is perfect. Yes, there are trolls out there who hate anons(Ublich thinks they're cowards). When you're on your death bed though, a low-blood is less likely to be afraid and a high-blood is less likely to be ashamed to be given last rights and a body burning by Samael. That is the logic.

You also have found a fondness for certain activities in your travels. You've gotten pretty good at GAMES of the TRADITIONAL variety. Ones meant to be played between TWO TROLLS like CONNECT QUADS and CHESS. In fact, you fancy yourself pretty savvy at these sort of GAMES. When in your lonesome on your RIVER travels, you've taken to playing music with the BONES instrument. MUSIC is actually another big part of your LIFE. As many ears as you can talk off about the AFTERLIFE you could do with MUSIC as well. Everything in the realm of spirituality seems to find itself on your tongue when speaking with others.

Quote:I get it's trying to say she likes ghostly games, but maybe some examples would help? Telling me what she enjoys and an example would help, Also what exactly is the bones instrument?
Ok, I actually changed this one up. But he isn't talking about ghostly games. The bones however is this. BONES

Your strifespecibus is LAMPKIND. Specifically the LAMP you use to guide your RIVERBOAT. Not only does it guide the RIVERBOAT but it double for your modus. You guide your inventory out and into the plain of existence. Your troll tag is guidedFerryman and you e☠emPlIfy your devotIon to the afteRlIfe.



I hope I cleared up some things. I'd love a recrit.

The only important quote ever. Thanks to Silvy.
Quote:[6:46:52 PM] Kinky Kaity.: jokes on you i am a snobby elitist cunt
Quote:[6:31:58 PM] •Silvdexter•: prove that you are the patties daddy
Reply
08-02-2013, 11:19 AM (This post was last modified: 08-02-2013 11:35 AM by immortalMemelizer.)
Post: #106
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: piermotinyspritegettingfincopy_zps422ce3b7.png]

Your name is PIERMO COPACH, and hot damn do you have a LOT of hair. There’s not a ton to know about you- you’re a SEADWELLER, you’ve been around for approximately 7 and a half SWEEPS, and you pretty much the most super macho and manly troll on Alternia. No big deal.
Alright, alright, so maybe there is a bit more to you than that.

You are, as stated, quite MANLY- or at least, that’s what you insist. You often feel the need to defend your MANLINESS in light of your quite frankly ridiculous HAIR, that causes some to MISTAKE YOU FOR A GIRL from behind. You would cut it, but (as you tell people), cutting it would imply that you LOST YOUR HONOR OR MANLINESS BY LOSING A FIGHT, and is in no way influenced by the fact that you have a horrible fear of SCISSORS and the TROLLS WIELDING THEM. You love DECORATING your hair anyway. That’s not a girly activity or anything, shutup. Your fondness for HAIR ACCESSORIES only adds to the clusterfuck that is your glorious mane, as PIECES OF LITTER AND SEAWEED already get tangled in that mess as it is.

Your hair does have a second purpose, though. You have pretty SENSITIVE SKIN that is prone to DRYING OUT when you’re not in the water. Your SATURATED HAIR serves to keep you comfortably damp long after you crawl from the depths of the deep LOCH AND RIVERS which your hive is spread through. This is something that your caring KELPIE LUSUS taught you. Technically it has a third purpose too, when you use it to CHOKE OUT and STRANGLE trolls when you completely lose your cool.

You have a VARIETY of interests outside of decorating your hair and being manly, of course. These namely include FLARPING and PUNISHING THE ASSHOLES WHO POLLUTE YOUR WATERS. You tend to be MISTRUSTING and JUDGEMENTAL of land dwelling trolls because of said assholes. It doesn’t really help that you get EASILY FRUSTRATED AND ANNOYED to begin with. You’ve got a PRETTY SHORT FUSE and LACK PATIENCE. Oftentimes, however, you are calmed by BEING IN NATURE and simple MEDITATION and EXERCISE. You gotta get those MUSCLES pumped! Swimming all the time, lifting heavy things, and throwing said heavy things at people are some of your favorite activities. Though you would never admit it to anyone, you also really like YOGA.

Your troll handle is galsomeAspirate, and you somEtimEs spEak through your tEEth whEn you’rE about to gEt hhhhHATEFUL to prEvEnt yoursElf from shhhhHOUTING!
TEAL DEER:
Name: Piermo Copach
Age: Approximately 7.5 sweeps
Blood: Grape #790079
Lusus: Kelpie
Strife Specibus: maneKind
Fetch Modus: Inner Peace – will not give an item captchalogued until the user has an appropriate inner peace/anger level
Trolltag: galsomeAspirate
Quirk: E’s capitalized, at the beginning of word= hhhhH then the rest of the word capitalized, at the end of the word h=Hhhhh
Title: Page of Rage
Moon: Derse
Land: Land of Friendship and Magic Land of Parchment and Acid
_______________________

Be gentle senpais, it's my first time.
ok but rly its not a great profile but still

-----
the immortal meme
stuff will go here later
Reply
08-02-2013, 12:00 PM
Post: #107
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-02-2013 09:54 AM)The Necromancer Wrote:  
Samael Annapa

Your name is SAMAEL ANNAPA and you are 7.5 sweeps old today! Too bad half WRIGGLING DAYS don't count! Then again, real WRIGGLING DAYS don't mean anything to you either! Your BLOOD COLOR is CERULEAN and you are a curious troll. Took me a bit to realize you meant curious as in odd and not curious as in "wants to know things" You reside north of the SWAMPS and east of the nearest CITY, and you travel to both frequently on your small RIVERBOAT you made yourself. On your journey you try to educate TROLLS on the AFTERLIFE. Unlike other DEATH obsessed TROLLS, you don't CULL in great quantities. You simply wish to prepare TROLLS for their UNTIMELY DEMISE. The AFTERLIFE has always been a topic of both interest and curiosity to you. You do not fear it, but you also do not live in ignorance of it. Your duty to the AFTERLIFE doesn't end there. You also are a practiced UNDERTAKER. You make it your goal to perform SACRED RITES and BURNINGS of all corpses you come across lest they RISE UP FROM THEIR GRAVES. I thought trolls didn't canonically bury their dead. Though you get to meet, befriend, and give final farewells to many TROLLS in ALTERNIA this way, your only true friend is your JACKALBEAST LUSUS. While he doesn't talk much, he is a firm protector to you while you embark on your DUTIES to the AFTERLIFE.

Your opinion on theHEMOSPECTRUM is the same as how you feel about DEATH, it's a part of life. However, you choose to mask yourself as to lessen the bias of BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM.

You also have found a fondness for certain activities in your travels. You've gotten pretty good at GAMES of the TRADITIONAL variety. Ones meant to be played between TWO TROLLS like CONNECT QUADS and CHESS. In fact, you fancy yourself pretty savvy at these sort of GAMES. When in your lonesome on your RIVER travels, you've taken to playing music with the BONES instrument. MUSIC is actually another big part of your LIFE. As many ears as you can talk off about the AFTERLIFE you could do with MUSIC as well. Everything in the realm of spirituality seems to find itself on your tongue when speaking with others.

Your strife specibus is LAMPKIND. Specifically the LAMP you use to guide your RIVERBOAT. Not only does it guide the RIVERBOAT but it double as your modus. You guide your inventory out and into the plain of existence. Your troll tag is guidedFerryman and you e☠emPlIfy your devotIon to the afteRlIfe.

I hope I cleared up some things. I'd love a recrit.

Normal crit in red. Grammar/Spelling/General Wording crit in blue.

One thing I notice is that you EMPHASIZE too may words. I'd go back and only try to do the most important ones. It's a pretty solid character though.

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-03-2013, 06:33 AM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 06:37 AM by HydraReaper.)
Post: #108
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-02-2013 11:19 AM)immortalMemelizer Wrote:  [Image: piermotinyspritegettingfincopy_zps422ce3b7.png]

I have to say, before I start with the full critique, I do like this sprite. The only thing I have to note is that I can imagine your seadweller having a hard time moving about sometimes when on land, but I am sure that's a part of your character, so you probably already know that. I just wanted to point it out. Good work on the sprite though!

Your name is PIERMO COPACH, and hot damn do you have a LOT of hair. There’s not a ton to know about you- you’re a SEADWELLER, you’ve been around for approximately 7 and a half SWEEPS, and you pretty much the most super macho and manly troll on Alternia. No big deal.
Alright, alright, so maybe there is a bit more to you than that.

You are, as stated, quite MANLY- or at least, that’s what you insist. You often feel the need to defend your MANLINESS in light of your quite frankly ridiculous HAIR, that causes some to MISTAKE YOU FOR A GIRL from behind. You would cut it, but (as you tell people), cutting it would imply that you LOST YOUR HONOR OR MANLINESS BY LOSING A FIGHT, and is in no way influenced by the fact that you have a horrible fear of SCISSORS and the TROLLS WIELDING THEM. You love DECORATING your hair anyway. That’s not a girly activity or anything, shutup. Your fondness for HAIR ACCESSORIES only adds to the clusterfuck that is your glorious mane, as PIECES OF LITTER AND SEAWEED already get tangled in that mess as it is.

Hm, I can't find anything wrong here except simply noting that if a troll initially mistakes Piermo for a girl and then realizes he is infact, a man, they might laugh at him. Due to the bisexual/pansexual (whatever people say they are) nature of trolls, I doubt that would happen most of the time, if at all. I'm simply pointing out. You may have already realized this anyway.

Your hair does have a second purpose, though. You have pretty SENSITIVE SKIN that is prone to DRYING OUT when you’re not in the water. Your SATURATED HAIR serves to keep you comfortably damp long after you crawl from the depths of the deep LOCH AND RIVERS which your hive is spread through. This is something that your caring KELPIE LUSUS taught you. Technically it has a third purpose too, when you use it to CHOKE OUT and STRANGLE trolls when you completely lose your cool.

Sensitive skin is fine, but a few trolls might raise eyebrows if they know a seadweller has that kind of condition. I doubt it'd be called a mutation, though. Also, choking and strangling other trolls with hair seems a little awkward to do in reality. Does Piermo have a good amount of experience doing this? Does he sometimes have problems?

You have a VARIETY of interests outside of decorating your hair and being manly, of course. These namely include FLARPING and PUNISHING THE ASSHOLES WHO POLLUTE YOUR WATERS. You tend to be MISTRUSTING and JUDGEMENTAL of land dwelling trolls because of said assholes. It doesn’t really help that you get EASILY FRUSTRATED AND ANNOYED to begin with. You’ve got a PRETTY SHORT FUSE and LACK PATIENCE. Oftentimes, however, you are calmed by BEING IN NATURE and simple MEDITATION and EXERCISE. You gotta get those MUSCLES pumped! Swimming all the time, lifting heavy things, and throwing said heavy things at people are some of your favorite activities. Though you would never admit it to anyone, you also really like YOGA.

Mistrusting and being judgemental of landdwellers is all fine and good, though I have to ask about the other interests. Flarping is a very common interest and as far as I know, it is a popular means of entertainment between trolls, but why does he enjoy it? Does he specifically play with seadwellers? Maybe a tiny mention of how he came across it would be good, since it'd flesh out this interest. I can see how Yoga is linked to her, since it's exercising and I do believe it's meditating too. Overall, a good set of interests, but it would help to just expand on why/how he likes flarping.

Where's the mention of the fetch modus and strife specibus here? Usually troll profiles detail the modus and specibus right before ending with the quirk. Why does he use maneKind, by the way? Is there a specific reason for it?

Your troll handle is galsomeAspirate, and you somEtimEs spEak through your tEEth whEn you’rE about to gEt hhhhHATEFUL to prEvEnt yoursElf from shhhhHOUTING!

I don't mind the quirk myself, but I can imagine one or two people might get a little irritated with the h's. Perhaps taking one h out would help? This is just nitpicking from me really, so feel free to keep the quirk as it is if you want to!

Does Piermo mistrust all landdwellers or does it vary a little bit depending on their blood? Is he judgemental of indigo's as much as he is of brownbloods?

This is entirely optional, but is there anything you want to share about his lusus? Does he agree with your interests? Is he annoying at times or does he get in the way? Does he approve of Piermo going out onto land with his sensitive skin?

All in all, it's a good troll, Iffy! All you need to do is just take note of what I said, add in a few things and then you should be good to go. Though you might want to wait until one or two other people crit your troll, incase they spot anything I missed. It's good to get more opinions on your troll anyway.

TEAL DEER:
Name: Piermo Copach
Age: Approximately 7.5 sweeps
Blood: Grape #790079
Lusus: Kelpie
Strife Specibus: maneKind
Fetch Modus: Inner Peace – will not give an item captchalogued until the user has an appropriate inner peace/anger level
Trolltag: galsomeAspirate
Quirk: E’s capitalized, at the beginning of word= hhhhH then the rest of the word capitalized, at the end of the word h=Hhhhh
Title: Page of Rage
Moon: Derse
Land: Land of Friendship and Magic Land of Parchment and Acid
_______________________

Be gentle senpais, it's my first time.
ok but rly its not a great profile but still

-------------------------

yani iS HORRIFYING
[01:20:27] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿)
[01:20:39] Beren the Omnibear: asdf u look like ur about to fukkin murder me in my sleep
[01:20:51] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I see you.
[01:20:55] Beren the Omnibear: ASDFGJFG
[01:20:56] Beren the Omnibear: NO
[01:20:57] Beren the Omnibear: STAHP
[01:21:09] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I am going to take your fucking eyes.
[01:21:16] Beren the Omnibear: AJFJUEDJFJFK
[01:21:18] Beren the Omnibear: NOOOO
[01:21:20] Beren the Omnibear: GET AWAY
[01:21:21] Beren the Omnibear: NO STAHP
[01:21:44] Mechromancer: <(⊙‿⊙<✿) come to me..!!
[01:21:55] Beren the Omnibear: NO PLEASE GET AYWYWYAYYWAYY
[01:21:57] Beren the Omnibear: AWAYAYYYYAYYY
[01:22:09] Beren the Omnibear: Beren the Omnibear RUNSS THEHHH FUCK AYWYAY

silvy's victory d
[02:15:58] •Silvdexter•: i have the victory d
Reply
08-03-2013, 06:35 AM
Post: #109
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-02-2013 11:19 AM)immortalMemelizer Wrote:  [Image: piermotinyspritegettingfincopy_zps422ce3b7.png]

Your name is PIERMO COPACH, and hot damn do you have a LOT of hair. There’s not a ton to know about you- you’re a SEADWELLER, you’ve been around for approximately 7 and a half SWEEPS, and you pretty much the most super macho and manly troll on Alternia. No big deal.
Alright, alright, so maybe there is a bit more to you than that.

You are, as stated, quite MANLY- or at least, that’s what you insist. You often feel the need to defend your MANLINESS in light of your quite frankly ridiculous HAIR, that causes some to MISTAKE YOU FOR A GIRL from behind. You would cut it, but (as you tell people), cutting it would imply that you LOST YOUR HONOR OR MANLINESS BY LOSING A FIGHT, and is in no way influenced by the fact that you have a horrible fear of SCISSORS and the TROLLS WIELDING THEM. You love DECORATING your hair anyway. That’s not a girly activity or anything, shutup. Your fondness for HAIR ACCESSORIES only adds to the clusterfuck that is your glorious mane, as PIECES OF LITTER AND SEAWEED already get tangled in that mess as it is.

Your hair does have a second purpose, though. You have pretty SENSITIVE SKIN that is prone to DRYING OUT when you’re not in the water. Your SATURATED HAIR serves to keep you comfortably damp long after you crawl from the depths of the deep LOCH AND RIVERS which your hive is spread through. This is something that your caring KELPIE LUSUS taught you. Technically it has a third purpose too, when you use it to CHOKE OUT and STRANGLE trolls when you completely lose your cool.

You have a VARIETY of interests outside of decorating your hair and being manly, of course. These namely include FLARPING and PUNISHING THE ASSHOLES WHO POLLUTE YOUR WATERS. You tend to be MISTRUSTING and JUDGEMENTAL of land dwelling trolls because of said assholes. It doesn’t really help that you get EASILY FRUSTRATED AND ANNOYED to begin with. You’ve got a PRETTY SHORT FUSE and LACK PATIENCE. Oftentimes, however, you are calmed by BEING IN NATURE and simple MEDITATION and EXERCISE. You gotta get those MUSCLES pumped! Swimming all the time, lifting heavy things, and throwing said heavy things at people are some of your favorite activities. Though you would never admit it to anyone, you also really like YOGA.

Your troll handle is galsomeAspirate, and you somEtimEs spEak through your tEEth whEn you’rE about to gEt hhhhHATEFUL to prEvEnt yoursElf from shhhhHOUTING!
TEAL DEER:
Name: Piermo Copach
Age: Approximately 7.5 sweeps
Blood: Grape #790079
Lusus: Kelpie
Strife Specibus: maneKind
Fetch Modus: Inner Peace – will not give an item captchalogued until the user has an appropriate inner peace/anger level
Trolltag: galsomeAspirate
Quirk: E’s capitalized, at the beginning of word= hhhhH then the rest of the word capitalized, at the end of the word h=Hhhhh
Title: Page of Rage
Moon: Derse
Land: Land of Friendship and Magic Land of Parchment and Acid

Okay, this is what I see. The modus and strife specibus isn't directly referenced in the profile. Just in the TL;DR and it would probably be better to have it in the profile as well.

Also you should probably include a blurb on how he takes care of his hair? Cause to me right now it seems like he doesn't take great care of it he just lets it grow out. Which wouldn't become a long mane really then it'd turn into natural dredlocks which are much more tightly packed.

Other then that I like the troll he seems like a great addition to the cafe
Reply
08-03-2013, 09:53 AM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 10:19 AM by immortalMemelizer.)
Post: #110
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Hmm, thanks for the input, guys!
As far as modus/strife specibus goes, I tend to only briefly mention them in profiles, as there's typically no mention of them in the canon profiles. I kind of see this as more of an opportunity to bring it up in sessions if/when I do that, though I can add more. If it wasn't obvious, maneKind does mean his hair, so that's really all of it that I bring up in the profile. It's always seemed more like a game mechanics thing for sgrub/sburb to me, so I usually don't put it in as much.

As for how he takes care of his hair- he actually does pretty often, and it IS often submerged in water. Stuff usually gets clumped and caught in it as he swims outside of his hive or walks on land. However, his hair does tend to get kind of clumpier in places like his hair loops.

It is harder for him to move on land, and I do have in my notes (though not in the profile, admittedly) that his hair is pretty heavy. I mean, it's a shitton of hair that's also usually wet. Plus it'd get caught in things. This combined with his sensitive skin is also why, and I should probably mention in the profile, he doesn't go on land super often, or if he does he's not usually far from water. However, he does have quite a bit of experience with going on land- typically to flarp or whatever. Maybe it's better to say he doesn't go on land without reason too often. By sensitive skin it's not like he'd DIE if his skin dried out- he'd just be more uncomfortable, and if it was a super long time, maybe he'd break out or flake a bit or something.

I probably should include a bit more on his lusus, but again, it's something I typically skim over to leave room for to reveal in other things. I mentioned that his lusus was caring, and that it taught him to keep himself wet with his hair, thus showing that not only does it care, but Piermo does do what it shows him to- the main reason I leave it out is that his character is quite relavent to his lusus, and I'd like that to remain less obvious at first glance than it would be if I went into it more.

I can mention a bit more about his flarping.

As far as his mistrust- it pretty much applies to all land dwelling trolls the same, because the primary cause for that is his anger at the pollution of the water. He does follow the hemospectrum/caste system, but as far as specifically mistrust and being judgemental goes, that's kind of a flat every non-seadweller, as how he sees it, seadwellers wouldn't pollute the water.

The H this is minorly symbolic and kind of important, so I'd like that to stay. H's don't appear quite as often as E's though- and also, H and E are what he changes, and they make up the word HE so...manliness again. Speaking of said manliness, yes, that is true- trolls most likely wouldn't care as much. It's something he himself is insecure about though, and it's meant to make him seem like he cares a bit too much.

Thanks again though, guys, I'll try to add in some things!

-----
the immortal meme
stuff will go here later
Reply
08-03-2013, 10:21 AM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 10:24 AM by Teslamagnetic Integration.)
Post: #111
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 09:07 AM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  [Image: Spritetroll-ZENARACEFALDwithbrokenhorn_zps26f7d078.jpg]

Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a PENT-UP little SPAT of RAGE WRAPPED and TRAPPED by a honed WILL, sarcastic coping mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. Doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the BOTTOM of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM and a MUTANT too boot. Least it’s just a HAIR THING on the mutated part anyway.
what
You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a COG, if only a SMALL part that is easily BROKEN and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All hail Alternia. Who knows, if you don’t get culled by a random HIGHBLOOD for KICKS, get sick and left to DIE, STARVE, or frankly just fail to survive daily life, you may even get to join the ROYAL ARMY and probably die immediately as a MEAT SHIELD of some kind. Assuming you don’t get CULLED by the IMPERIAL DRONES for having no QUADRANTS filled anyway. Oh well, a girl can dream. You lost your eye last SWEEP. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand. A lot of other skin went with it too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost thankfully, though your palms tend to ITCH still. Your horns got broken off since then too. Some BLUE-BLOOD DICK with a point to prove. Something about his line of sight and correcting your beliefs. LUCKY your neck didn’t break instead of the horns, just them and a few teeth after; hardly miss them.

In case it wasn’t obvious, this is all RATHER SARCASTIC. Apart from the Imperial drone thing, multiple ways to die, and other stuff. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some you just dislike anyway. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. Only so much LOATHING to go around. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. The whole BLASTED SOCIETY and it’s mechanisms take a large chunk of your ANGER, mainly because there’s not a DAMN THING you or anyone else can do about it. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says this sucks. Perhaps it may say something else is one of your eyes hadn’t been practically burned away in a FIRE when you were younger that took out MOST of your HIVE when you were 6 sweeps old. Still could have been worse. Not much but still. If only because those BASTARD HIGBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. You showed THEM though. Still ALIVE and going.

Before all of that STUFF, you used to have DREAMS of being a legislacerator. Cute, huh. You had these CRAZY ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY to ALL TROLLS, regardless of BLOOD. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you “K’hem”(?) weren’t exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. That, and you mouthing off with your new knowledge, is what STARTED the whole CHAIN REACTION that ended in FIRE. Still, a HOBBY is a hobby, and not like you’ve got anything else to work on. Your STRIFE MODUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meager possessions: being a scorched recuperacoon, a few BOOKS and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in one of the rooms that still has functional walls and a roof.

If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like this, and y0u r3plac3 e, b, o and x with 3, 8, 0 and + signs respectively.

Crit in red, grammar in blue.

The profile is all over the place, really, and could use some fat-cutting and streamlining. We don't need to know her entire history. Just even hinting to what happened usually works--let the rest speak for her use. Going a bit more in her hobbies would be ideal, as that tells a lot more about her. Also, I'm not sure how dyed hair counts as a mutation (unless you're going alone that obscure headcanon that eridan was a mutant because of his hair). I think you could just say the hair is dyed and not bring anything about that. Her getting into trouble like that should have gotten her killed, but it also seems like she renounced that quickly to survive. Overall, it's not that bad, but needs some work. Just make sure she doesn't go spouting hemorebellionism, not prone to start major fights with any highblood she sees (A troll wouldn't last long doing that), and you're pretty much set once you fix the profile up.

EDIT: On the sprite itself, you'll have to remake it unfortunately--JPEGs are bad for sprites!! Save them always as a .PNG file! Also, you might want to add a black outline to her symbol so it's more visible against her outfit. Other than that, you're good!
Reply
08-03-2013, 10:27 AM
Post: #112
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Oh, I thought that was a natural, for the given value of nature that goes with mutated, thing with eridan. The hair I mean.

As for the trouble thing, I'll try to cut it down. I was attempting to give the impression that she had been a bit more blatant about things and swiftly learnt from that due to the brutal retaliation.

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-03-2013, 10:42 AM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 10:42 AM by immortalMemelizer.)
Post: #113
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Quinny, aside from what Tes said about the profile, I would also suggest finding different hair to use for your sprite. By all means, keep the hair coloring thing (though I have to agree that it would probably be better for it to be dyed than a mutation necessarily) but that hair is used a whole whole lot. Maybe check out finepoint's base sheet, or try to edit it some to make it look a bit different? I think there might be some people who can help with that a bit, too.

And this is a small thing, but the coloring of the shirt and the jacket being so close to the color of her symbol/blood and being the same themselves looks a little odd. I'd suggest making them a bit of a darker red, or making the shirt black. You don't HAVE to do either of those things, but I encourage you to look at them and maybe think about it.

-----
the immortal meme
stuff will go here later
Reply
08-03-2013, 11:46 AM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 11:55 AM by The Necromancer.)
Post: #114
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(07-30-2013 05:49 PM)Silvy Wrote:  [Image: tumblr_inline_mg8nj929e01qg9t2t.png][Image: tumblr_m9t6o0PTYF1qh9j9jo2_250.png]

Your name is SILVER APELLE and you like to think you're REALLY COOL. Though whats cool about a 7 1/2 SWEEP-OLD JADEBLOOD who has a tendency to LIE about almost anything? Everything, thats what.
Something you won't lie about though, is your LUSUS, who happens to be the BEST, REALLY OVERPROTECTIVE, IRRITATING lusus ever, who actually BUMS YOU OUT a little. She happens to be a fairly large SCREECHDEVIL (or at least thats what you like to call her, she's actually just a giant HOOTBEAST.) who likes to be called MOMMA BUBO. She currently resides within your HIVE, which is big enough to support both you and her, and just the right size for a JADE like yourself. It's actually nothing really impressive at all. Really messy, paint, feathers, and newspaper clippings all over the place, it's a dump. But that's cool with you, you happen to like those things.

PAINTING and DRAWING are your two main interests, as seen by the state of your HIVE (and your CLOTHES most of the time. You're a very messy painter). You enjoy painting the SUNRISE, a sight you have only witnessed once for a fraction of a second (a sight that caused your eyesight to be less than stellar), most of all, but alongside that you're also fond of painting HISTORICAL FIGURES and REBELLIOUS LEADERS, as well as your favorite subject of all, the CONDESCE.

Your love of HISTORY is what had influenced such paintings, of course. You just really love you some good old fashioned REBELLIONS that are SMASHED under the CONDESCES mighty, yet lovely, fist. It's really great to read about all these old FLEET GENERALS and leaders, and you know it can be DANGEROUS to look up all these REBELLIONS, but, you really don't care anymore. They're inspiring! They make you want to work on your fighting skills more so that you'll make it to the FLEET yourself.

Which you won't. Not that you're not strong enough, you do have your almighty BROOMKIND to help whap some idiots upside the head. You just won't ever get any QUADRANTS. That's your big issue. Almost 8 sweeps and youve yet to feel a single thing for ANYONE. AT ALL. It's probably just all in your head, or maybe it's because you LIE so much (really, you're pretty much a compulsive liar at this point), you've started to think that you're lying to yourself when you think you might feel something for someone. You don't care, really, anymore.

You use the time you've got left to just goof around, really! That's all you do. You goof around on the internet, you goof around with your FETCH MODUS (which happens to be known as 'You-just-store-things-in-your-hair-because-you-can', or the HAIR MODUS), you goof around on the internet some more and then you goof around with TROLLIAN.

Your trollian is tumblingPigments, and you're p gosh darned relaxed in every way ya speak, and you aint got no time ta even bother keepin it consistant, its p great. ya also have a tendency ta ramble a bit, and takl real fast so yer words get kinda jumbled up!!!!!!!!!!!

TL; DR
Name: Silver Apelle
Blood colour/Hex: Jade (#0B8B5A)
Gender: Female
Age: 7 1/2 sweeps
TrollTag: tumblingPigments
Quirk: real big drawl, don even bother ta finish half th shit she says, lies all the god damned time
Strife Specibus: B-b-b-b-broomkind
Fetch Modus: HAIR MODUS - she basically shoves things in her hair and hopes for the best
Lusus: Giant great-horned owl named Momma Bubo
Title: Knight of Breath
Land: Land of Mirrors and Spirits
Quadrants: N/A

The only glaring flaw I see, character wise, is you don't really say WHY she is such a big baby liar. Just that she does it a lot.

The only important quote ever. Thanks to Silvy.
Quote:[6:46:52 PM] Kinky Kaity.: jokes on you i am a snobby elitist cunt
Quote:[6:31:58 PM] •Silvdexter•: prove that you are the patties daddy
Reply
08-03-2013, 12:23 PM
Post: #115
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Take 2 then.

--
[Image: ZENARACEFALDv2_zps9ac8aa95.png]

Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a PENT-UP little SPAT of RAGE WRAPPED and TRAPPED by a honed WILL, sarcastic coping mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. Doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the BOTTOM of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM and a MUTANT too boot.

You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a COG, if only a SMALL part that is easily BROKEN and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All hail Alternia. Who knows, if you don’t get culled by a random HIGHBLOOD for KICKS, get sick and left to DIE, STARVE, or frankly just fail to survive daily life, you may even get to join the ROYAL ARMY and probably die immediately as a MEAT SHIELD of some kind. Assuming you don’t get CULLED by the IMPERIAL DRONES for having no QUADRANTS filled anyway. Oh well, a girl can dream.

In case you hadn’t noticed, there were some RATHER SARCASTIC remarks there. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some of it you just dislike. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says this, and the whole society, sucks. You lost one of your eyes last SWEEP. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand in a tight spot. A lot of other skin went with it too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost thankfully, though your palms tend to ITCH still. You only survived because those BASTARD HIGHBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. Your horns were broken off too due to a related, but separate issue. Same reasons anyhow. From that though, you have learnt to keep your tongue held and your tone subdued, though you hate yourself for letting the hemoarchy push you to your knees. Anyway, when you’re not SPITTING and FROTHING mad at the whole thing, you’re a bit of a nihilist. You don’t have a lot of hope for the future really and know it’s probably going to end violently, the best you can hope for is that it’s on your own terms. Maybe in a nice EXPLOSION in some Hive ships fuel reserves. Every little helps. You’re a little petty too.

Before all of that STUFF, you used to have DREAMS of being a legislacerator. Cute, huh. You had these CRAZY ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY to ALL TROLLS, regardless of BLOOD. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you weren’t quite exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. Your STRIFE MODUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meagre possessions : being a scorched recuperacoon, a few BOOKS and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in your room now there’s more space. You like to huddle up in her nest sometimes with a book, anything you can get your hand on now, just to keep yourself occupied. Crime novels and the like are the best. Ignoring that, you also spend some time learning rope tricks, things like cat’s cradles, or escapism, and other things. Couple of times Merlin has had to gnaw at the ropes to free you from a successful experiment. Trial and ERROR are important. Until you get some quality rope that highbloods can’t just SNAP through, you’ll need to know the most EFFICIENT ways to tie up your problems. Short of outright STRANGLING them you mean, though that would be kinda FUNNY.

If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like this, while you start and end sentences with )= and =( respectively and italicize nouns.

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-03-2013, 12:58 PM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 12:59 PM by Hayarp.)
Post: #116
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 12:23 PM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  Take 2 then.

--
[Image: ZENARACEFALDv2_zps9ac8aa95.png]
Sprite looks better but the glasses and horn still look like they've been jpg'd.

Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a PENT-UP little SPAT of RAGE WRAPPED and TRAPPED by a honed WILL, sarcastic coping mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. It doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the BOTTOM of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM and a MUTANT to boot. You don't mention anything about a mutation in the rest of the profile. Is this leftover from earlier?

You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a COG, if only a SMALL part that is easily BROKEN and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All hail Alternia. Who knows, if you don’t get culled by a random HIGHBLOOD for KICKS, get sick and left to DIE, STARVE, or frankly just fail to survive daily life, you may even get to join the ROYAL ARMY and probably die immediately as a MEAT SHIELD of some kind. Assuming you don’t get CULLED by the IMPERIAL DRONES for having no QUADRANTS filled anyway. Oh well, a girl can dream.

In case you hadn’t noticed, there were some RATHER SARCASTIC remarks there. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some of it you just dislike. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says this, and the whole society, sucks. You lost one of your eyes last SWEEP. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand in a tight spot. A lot of other skin went with it too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost thankfully, though your palms tend to ITCH still. You only survived because those BASTARD HIGHBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. Your horns were broken off too due to a related, but separate issue. Same reasons anyhow. Troll horns do grow back. If her horns were broken a sweep ago she'd at least have some growth back more than what's shown in her sprite. From that though, you have learnt to keep your tongue held and your tone subdued, though you hate yourself for letting the hemoarchy push you to your knees. Anyway, when you’re not SPITTING and FROTHING mad at the whole thing, you’re a bit of a nihilist. You don’t have a lot of hope for the future really and know it’s probably going to end violently, the best you can hope for is that it’s on your own terms. Maybe in a nice EXPLOSION in some Hive ships fuel reserves. Every little helps. You’re a little petty too.

Before all of that STUFF, you used to have DREAMS of being a legislacerator. Cute, huh. You had these CRAZY ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY to ALL TROLLS, regardless of BLOOD. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you weren’t quite exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. The transition here feels really abrupt. What happened to ruin her dreams of being a legislacerator? You might want to add that here, and move her strife specibus and fetch modus to the end of the profile. Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meagre possessions : being a scorched recuperacoon, a few BOOKS and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in your room now there’s more space. You like to huddle up in her nest sometimes with a book, anything you can get your hand on now, just to keep yourself occupied. Crime novels and the like are the best. Ignoring that, you also spend some time learning rope tricks, things like cat’s cradles, or escapism, and other things. Couple of times Merlin has had to gnaw at the ropes to free you from a successful experiment. Trial and ERROR are important. Until you get some quality rope that highbloods can’t just SNAP through, you’ll need to know the most EFFICIENT ways to tie up your problems. Short of outright STRANGLING them you mean, though that would be kinda FUNNY. Does she regularly try to kill highbloods? That sounds like something that could get her into a lot of trouble.

If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like this, while you start and end sentences with )= and =( respectively and italicize nouns.
What's the purpose behind her quirk? A troll's quirk should fit with their theme. Also, I'd suggest you remove the italics. Things like bold or italics don't really make very good quirks.

Try to reorder things in her profile. Keep her interests together, her personality together, that sort of thing. It makes for an easier read. Otherwise the profile feels very jumbled. You have the makings of a strong character here, though.

crit in red, grammar in blue.

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-03-2013, 01:07 PM
Post: #117
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 12:23 PM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  Take 2 then.

--
[Image: ZENARACEFALDv2_zps9ac8aa95.png]

Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a PENT-UP little SPAT of RAGE WRAPPED and TRAPPED by a honed WILL, sarcastic coping mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. Doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the BOTTOM of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM and a MUTANT too boot.

You may want to rewrite this paragraph a little, since you took out the mutant thing.

You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a COG, if only a SMALL part that is easily BROKEN and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All hail Alternia. Who knows, if you don’t get culled by a random HIGHBLOOD for KICKS, get sick and left to DIE, STARVE, or frankly just fail to survive daily life, you may even get to join the ROYAL ARMY and probably die immediately as a MEAT SHIELD of some kind. Assuming you don’t get CULLED by the IMPERIAL DRONES for having no QUADRANTS filled anyway. Oh well, a girl can dream.

In case you hadn’t noticed, there were some RATHER SARCASTIC remarks there. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some of it you just dislike. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says this, and the whole society, sucks. You lost one of your eyes last SWEEP. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand in a tight spot. A lot of other skin went with it too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost thankfully, though your palms tend to ITCH still. You only survived because those BASTARD HIGHBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. Your horns were broken off too due to a related, but separate issue. Same reasons anyhow. From that though, you have learnt to keep your tongue held and your tone subdued, though you hate yourself for letting the hemoarchy push you to your knees. Anyway, when you’re not SPITTING and FROTHING mad at the whole thing, you’re a bit of a nihilist. You don’t have a lot of hope for the future really and know it’s probably going to end violently, the best you can hope for is that it’s on your own terms. Maybe in a nice EXPLOSION in some Hive ships fuel reserves. Every little helps. You’re a little petty too.

Before all of that STUFF, you used to have DREAMS of being a legislacerator. Cute, huh. You had these CRAZY ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY to ALL TROLLS, regardless of BLOOD. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you weren’t quite exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. Your STRIFE MODUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meagre possessions : being a scorched recuperacoon, a few BOOKS and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in your room now there’s more space. You like to huddle up in her nest sometimes with a book, anything you can get your hand on now, just to keep yourself occupied.
Crime novels and the like are the best. Ignoring that, you also spend some time learning rope tricks, things like cat’s cradles, or escapism, and other things. Couple of times Merlin has had to gnaw at the ropes to free you from a successful experiment. Trial and ERROR are important. Until you get some quality rope that highbloods can’t just SNAP through, you’ll need to know the most EFFICIENT ways to tie up your problems. Short of outright STRANGLING them you mean, though that would be kinda FUNNY.

If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like this, while you start and end sentences with )= and =( respectively and italicize nouns.

Well, you corrected quite a bit, but the profile is still kind of all over the place. Part of it is the sarcastic remarks, I think, since they kinda distract from the parts of the profile that are telling more about the character, herself. The character is good, though! It could just use a few of the various remarks and observations made in the voice of the character cut out to keep the profile more focused. After all, a profile is more like...you're describing your character, instead of the character describing herself, I guess!

As for the sprite, while it's no longer a jpeg...well, unfortunately re-saving an image as a PNG file isn't going to fix the artifacts that were created by jpeg compression. It is better a little bit, a better hairstyle and the symbol is definitely more visible now...but yeah. It may be a good idea to remake the sprite entirely with the base sheets, but I'm sure it'll be ok if you really don't want to.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
08-03-2013, 01:21 PM (This post was last modified: 08-04-2013 02:51 AM by MQuinny1234.)
Post: #118
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
I did remake most of the sprite, but the horn and the glasses, unfortunately, were cut from the previous sprite cause I couldn't for the life of me remember where I'd got them or done that little thing where they're broken in the middle. Didn't know about the horn thing, thanks for that. Just assumed from Equius that they stayed broken or something. Faulty logic there on my part actually, could have been recent. The italics were done because I got it in my head, that it would be like the way latin or words in legal speak are italicised sometimes but if you think so I'll try to figure something else out.

Edit. 3rd time's the charm.

[Image: ZENARACEFALDv2_zpsf53710ef.png]
Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a pent-up little SPAT OF RAGE wrapped and trapped by a honed will, SARCASTIC, COPING mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. Doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the bottom of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM.

You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a cog, if only a small part that is easily broken and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All Hail Wonder-F***ing Alternia. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some of it you just dislike. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says that this, and the whole society, sucks. Oddly, you wouldn’t see this as well had you not lost one of your EYES last sweeps. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand in a tight spot. The correct response to being in a room full of fire is unfortunately simply to not be in that room. A lot of other skin and hair and stuff went with your eye too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost, and biggest reminder of it all, though your pale palms tend to ITCH still. You only survived because those BASTARD HIGHBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. Your HORNS were broken off too due to a related, but separate issue. Same reasons anyhow. From that though, you have learnt to keep your tongue held and your tone subdued, though you hate yourself for letting the hemoarchy push you to your knees. Anyway, when you’re not SPITTING and FROTHING mad at the whole thing, full of passion and bile and especially FIRE, you are a bit of a nihilist. Dry and cynical and morbid. You don’t have a lot of hope for the future really and know it’s probably going to end violently, the best you can hope for is that it’s on your own terms. Maybe in a nice EXPLOSION in some Hive ships fuel reserves. Every little helps. You’re a bit petty too.

Before all of that stuff, when your were 4 or 5 sweeps, you used to have big dreams of being a LEGISLACERATOR. Cute, huh. You had these crazy ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY TO ALL TROLLS, regardless of blood, and thinking you’d led the way to a more united Alternia. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS on those subjects you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you weren’t quite exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. Of course, you did eventually face the fact that these were just dreams. At best, you could be a paper clerk of some sort, but even if there was a chance for that, you wouldn’t have any power TO ACTUALLY HELP trolls, a rustblood would never be allowed it. Despite this, you keep up your studies, you’d already started that path, may as well hope for something. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meagre possessions: being a SCORCHED recuperacoon, a few books and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in your room now there’s more space. You like to huddle up in her nest sometimes with a book, anything you can get your hand on now, just to keep yourself occupied. CRIME novels and the like are the best you can get outside of actual information.

Ignoring your reading habits, you also spend some time learning ROPE TRICKS, things like cat’s cradles, or escapism, and other things. Couple of times Merlin has had to gnaw at the ropes to free you from a successful experiment. Trial and error are important. Until you get some quality rope that highbloods can’t just SNAP through, you’ll need to know the most efficient ways to tie up your problems. Short of outright STRANGLING them you mean, though that would be kinda funny, if stupid. If you successful bound a highblood, they’d probably keep it quiet out of embarrassment, you KILL one to solve a problem and you’ll have even more trouble afterwards. Plus, it’s wrong, you guess, or something, morality is TRICKIER than legality. You’ve also recently started looking into FLARP games. Bit late now but when you were younger you’d thought yourself to be above that kind of violence and barbarity. Boy did that opinion come crashing down hard.

Your STRIFE MODUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like 1. This. 2. You begin SENTENCES with NUMBERS depending on each new SENTENCE you say before someone else begins to speak. 3. You also italicise and fully capitalise NOUNS.

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-03-2013, 04:25 PM
Post: #119
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 01:21 PM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  3rd time's the charm.

[Image: ZENARACEFALDv2_zpsa020fabb.png]
Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a PENT-UP little SPAT of RAGE WRAPPED and TRAPPED by a honed WILL, sarcastic coping mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. Doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the BOTTOM of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM.

You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a COG, if only a SMALL part that is easily BROKEN and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All Hail Wonder-F***ing Alternia. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some of it you just dislike. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says that this, and the whole society, sucks. Oddly, you wouldn’t see this as well had you not lost one of your eyes last SWEEP. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand in a tight spot. The correct response to being in a room full of fire is unfortunately simply to not be in that room. A lot of other skin and hair and stuff went with your eye too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost, and biggest reminder of it all, though your pale palms tend to ITCH still. You only survived because those BASTARD HIGHBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. Your horns were broken off too due to a related, but separate issue. Same reasons anyhow. From that though, you have learnt to keep your tongue held and your tone subdued, though you hate yourself for letting the hemoarchy push you to your knees. Anyway, when you’re not SPITTING and FROTHING mad at the whole thing, full of PASSION and BILE and especially FIRE, you are a bit of a nihilist. Dry and cynical and morbid. You don’t have a lot of hope for the future really and know it’s probably going to end violently, the best you can hope for is that it’s on your own terms. Maybe in a nice EXPLOSION in some Hive ships fuel reserves. Every little helps. You’re a bit petty too.

Before all of that STUFF, when your were 4 or 5 sweeps, you used to have BIG DREAMS of being a legislacerator. Cute, huh. You had these CRAZY ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY to ALL TROLLS, regardless of BLOOD, and thinking you’d led the way to a more UNITED Alternia. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS on those subjects you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you weren’t quite exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. Of course, you did eventually face the fact that these were just dreams. At best, you could be a paper clerk of some sort, but even if there was a chance for that, you wouldn’t have any power to actually help trolls, a rustblood would never be allowed it. Despite this, you keep up your studies, you’d already started that path, may as well hope for something. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meagre possessions: being a scorched recuperacoon, a few BOOKS and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in your room now there’s more space. You like to huddle up in her nest sometimes with a book, anything you can get your hand on now, just to keep yourself occupied. Crime novels and the like are the best you can get outside of actual information.

Ignoring your reading habits, you also spend some time learning rope tricks, things like cat’s cradles, or escapism, and other things. Couple of times Merlin has had to gnaw at the ropes to free you from a successful experiment. Trial and ERROR are important. Until you get some quality rope that highbloods can’t just SNAP through, you’ll need to know the most EFFICIENT ways to tie up your problems. Short of outright STRANGLING them you mean, though that would be kinda FUNNY, if stupid. If you successful bound a highblood, they’d probably keep it quiet out of embarrassment. If you KILL one to solve a problem, and you’ll have even more trouble afterwards. Plus, it’s wrong, you guess, or something. Morality is TRICKIER than legality. You've also recently started looking into FLARP games. Bit late now, but when you were younger you’d thought yourself to be above that kind of violence and barbarity. Boy did that opinion come crashing down hard.

Your STRIFE MODUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. I like this. I like this a lot. If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like 1. This. 2. You begin SENTENCES with NUMBERS depending on each new SENTENCE you say before someone else begins to speak. 2. You also italicise and fully capitalise NOUNS.

There's only 2 problems I have. One, he still seems a bit too rebellious for my tastes. Two, the profile CAPITALIZES weird words. Try only capitalizing important nouns or phrases. Other than that, good job! It's much better than when it started out.

I'll thrown in my 2 cents as well.
Also, the sprite has definitely improved, but unfortunately it has some weird little artifacts in it. I can fix it up for you if you'd like?

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
08-03-2013, 07:04 PM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 07:28 PM by Hayarp.)
Post: #120
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: NewCanvas.png][Image: SheliaSprite.png]
(yes i know the symbols are different. I haven't gotten around to updating the minisprite yet. The symbol on her AB is the correct one.)

Your name is SHELIA CARUTA and you are absolutely PERFECT. Nobody can argue with that.

Your lusus, MOTHER SUPREME LIONESS, has been training you since she found you to be the absolute epitome of a PROPER TROLL. This includes daily sparring sessions, which have honed your ability to DODGE as well as use your BLADEKIND specibus. You fight with a RAPIER, naturally, as it is the WEAPON OF PROPER ALTERNIAN SOCIETY.

Since your lusus cannot actually speak and can only give her orders by HARSHLY PUNISHING YOU WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING SHE DOESN'T LIKE, you go to other sources for your orders. You've found a wonderful book of ETIQUETTE, which explains everything you need to know about proper Alternian society! It includes lessons on SELF-SUFFICIENCY, HEMOSPECTRUM ADHERANCE, and LETTING YOUR LUSUS CHOOSE YOUR QUADRANTS. Your lusus punishes you less often when you follow the rules of the book, and you have come to take it as some sort of HOLY GOSPEL.

You have FEW INTERESTS, as your lusus does not like for you to get distracted from your training. She gets very angry when that happens, and in your EIGHT SWEEPS OF LIFE, you have learned how awful it is to anger Mother Supreme Lioness. When you were young she punished you so harshly that you were left with a PERMANANT LIMP. More than anything else, that's the punishment that taught you your place. As such, you only participate in her APPROVED ACTIVITIES, which are primarily made up of SEWING your own clothes, EMBROIDERY to keep your eyes sharp, and TRAINING. Lots of training. Your training primarily consists of sparring with Mother Supreme Lioness - sweeps of which has given you excellent dodging skills to compliment your fencing skill. You also practice your posture, particularly your walking, in order to disguise your limp.

You have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN MUSIC WHATSOEVER. Especially not in the VIOLIN. Beautiful as it is, music would take your attention away from your studies, and you cannot have that.

You converse with other trolls occasionally, and generally have found these exchanges less than satisfying. Most trolls are so UNCIVILIZED. It's like their lusii didn't know how to train them. You try to educate lowbloods to small avail, and do your best to be polite to highbloods while reminding them of the behavior expected of members of their caste. You also do your part to CULL the weak and the mutants of society. If a troll can stand against you in a fight without dying, you deem them worthy of your respect.

Most trolls would say you have a huge pole up your butt. You would call them rude and tell them to watch their language.

Your HIVE is in a mountainous area which you use to your advantage to train your BALANCE. The scenery is beautiful, and you like to sit right outside your hive when practicing your needlework. Whenever you aren't training, this is the activity that you find yourself doing the most. Your fetch modus is even EMBROIDERY, requiring you to stitch an outline of the object in a small pillow before you can remove it. It's quite time-intensive, so you don't captchalogue very much.

Your trolltag is exemplaryElegance and you "Speak. Slowly. And. With. Careful. Enunciation. As. A. Proper. Lady. Should."

TL;DR

Name: Shelia Caruta
Age: Eight Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'8"
Blood Color: Green (#006600)
Trolltag: exemplaryElegance
Quirk: Puts. A. Period. After. Every. Word. And. Capitalizes. Every. Word.
Lusus: Lioness (Mother Supreme Lioness)
Specibus: bladekind
Modus: embroidery
Title: Witch of Time
Land: Land of Sun and Song

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-03-2013, 07:29 PM
Post: #121
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 07:04 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  [Image: NewCanvas.png][Image: SheliaSprite.png]
(yes i know the symbols are different. I haven't gotten around to updating the minisprite yet. The symbol on her AB is the correct one.)

Your name is SHELIA CARUTA and you are absolutely PERFECT. Nobody can argue with that.

Your lusus, MOTHER SUPREME LIONESS, has been training you since she found you to be the absolute epitome of a PROPER TROLL. This includes daily sparring sessions, which have honed your ability to DODGE as well as use your BLADEKIND specibus. You fight with a RAPIER, naturally, as it is the WEAPON OF PROPER ALTERNIAN SOCIETY.

Since your lusus cannot actually speak and can only give her orders by HARSHLY PUNISHING YOU WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING SHE DOESN'T LIKE, you go to other sources for your orders. You've found a wonderful book of ETIQUETTE, which explains everything you need to know about proper Alternian society! It includes lessons on SELF-SUFFICIENCY, HEMOSPECTRUM ADHERANCE, and LETTING YOUR LUSUS CHOOSE YOUR QUADRANTS. Your lusus punishes you less often when you follow the rules of the book, and you have come to take it as some sort of HOLY GOSPEL.

You have FEW INTERESTS, as your lusus does not like for you to get distracted from your training. She gets very angry when that happens, and in your EIGHT SWEEPS OF LIFE, you have learned how awful it is to anger Mother Supreme Lioness. When you were young she punished you so harshly that you were left with a PERMANANT LIMP. More than anything else, that's the punishment that taught you your place. As such, you only participate in her APPROVED ACTIVITIES, which are primarily made up of SEWING your own clothes, EMBROIDERY to keep your eyes sharp, and TRAINING. Lots of training. Your training primarily consists of sparring with Mother Supreme Lioness - sweeps of which has given you excellent dodging skills to compliment your fencing skill. You also practice your posture, particularly your walking, in order to disguise your limp.

You have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN MUSIC WHATSOEVER. Especially not in the VIOLIN. Beautiful as it is, music would take your attention away from your studies, and you cannot have that.

You converse with other trolls occasionally, and generally have found these exchanges less than satisfying. Most trolls are so UNCIVILIZED. It's like their lusii didn't know how to train them. You try to educate lowbloods to small avail, and do your best to be polite to highbloods while reminding them of the behavior expected of members of their caste. You also do your part to CULL the weak and the mutants of society. If a troll can stand against you in a fight without dying, you deem them worthy of your respect.

Most trolls would say you have a huge pole up your butt. You would call them rude and tell them to watch their language.

Your HIVE is in a mountainous area which you use to your advantage to train your BALANCE. The scenery is beautiful, and you like to sit right outside your hive when practicing your needlework. Whenever you aren't training, this is the activity that you find yourself doing the most. Your fetch modus is even EMBROIDERY, requiring you to stitch an outline of the object in a small pillow before you can remove it. It's quite time-intensive, so you don't captchalogue very much.

Your trolltag is exemplaryElegance and you "Speak. Slowly. And. With. Careful. Enunciation. As. A. Proper. Lady. Should."

TL;DR

Name: Shelia Caruta
Age: Eight Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'8"
Blood Color: Green (#006600)
Trolltag: exemplaryElegance
Quirk: Puts. A. Period. After. Every. Word. And. Capitalizes. Every. Word.
Lusus: Lioness (Mother Supreme Lioness)
Specibus: bladekind
Modus: embroidery
Title: Witch of Time
Land: Land of Sun and Song

pole is too far up her ass consider removing some of it
crit in red

[Image: tumblr_ml7wpd3B3Z1qh9j9jo6_250.png]
Reply
08-03-2013, 07:29 PM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 07:31 PM by Dudemaster47.)
Post: #122
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 07:04 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  [Image: NewCanvas.png][Image: SheliaSprite.png]
(yes i know the symbols are different. I haven't gotten around to updating the minisprite yet. The symbol on her AB is the correct one.)

Your name is SHELIA CARUTA and you are absolutely PERFECT. Nobody can argue with that.

Your lusus, MOTHER SUPREME LIONESS, has been training you since she found you to be the absolute epitome of a PROPER TROLL. This includes daily sparring sessions, which have honed your ability to DODGE as well as use your BLADEKIND specibus. You fight with a RAPIER, naturally, as it is the WEAPON OF PROPER ALTERNIAN SOCIETY.

Since your lusus cannot actually speak and can only give her orders by HARSHLY PUNISHING YOU WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING SHE DOESN'T LIKE, you go to other sources for your orders. You've found a wonderful book of ETIQUETTE, which explains everything you need to know about proper Alternian society! It includes lessons on SELF-SUFFICIENCY, HEMOSPECTRUM ADHERANCE, and LETTING YOUR LUSUS CHOOSE YOUR QUADRANTS. Your lusus punishes you less often when you follow the rules of the book, and you have come to take it as some sort of HOLY GOSPEL.

You have FEW INTERESTS, as your lusus does not like for you to get distracted from your training. She gets very angry when that happens, and in your EIGHT SWEEPS OF LIFE, you have learned how awful it is to anger Mother Supreme Lioness. When you were young she punished you so harshly that you were left with a PERMANANT LIMP. More than anything else, that's the punishment that taught you your place. As such, you only participate in her APPROVED ACTIVITIES, which are primarily made up of SEWING your own clothes, EMBROIDERY to keep your eyes sharp, and TRAINING. Lots of training. Your training primarily consists of sparring with Mother Supreme Lioness - sweeps of which has given you excellent dodging skills to compliment your fencing skill. You also practice your posture, particularly your walking, in order to disguise your limp.

You have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN MUSIC WHATSOEVER. Especially not in the VIOLIN. Beautiful as it is, music would take your attention away from your studies, and you cannot have that.

You converse with other trolls occasionally, and generally have found these exchanges less than satisfying. Most trolls are so UNCIVILIZED. It's like their lusii didn't know how to train them. You try to educate lowbloods to small avail, and do your best to be polite to highbloods while reminding them of the behavior expected of members of their caste. You also do your part to CULL the weak and the mutants of society. If a troll can stand against you in a fight without dying, you deem them worthy of your respect.

Most trolls would say you have a huge pole up your butt. You would call them rude and tell them to watch their language.

Your HIVE is in a mountainous area which you use to your advantage to train your BALANCE. The scenery is beautiful, and you like to sit right outside your hive when practicing your needlework. Whenever you aren't training, this is the activity that you find yourself doing the most. Your fetch modus is even EMBROIDERY, requiring you to stitch an outline of the object in a small pillow before you can remove it. It's quite time-intensive, so you don't captchalogue very much.

Your trolltag is exemplaryElegance and you "Speak. Slowly. And. With. Careful. Enunciation. As. A. Proper. Lady. Should."

TL;DR

Name: Shelia Caruta
Age: Eight Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'8"
Blood Color: Green (#006600)
Trolltag: exemplaryElegance
Quirk: Puts. A. Period. After. Every. Word. And. Capitalizes. Every. Word.
Lusus: Lioness (Mother Supreme Lioness)
Specibus: bladekind
Modus: embroidery
Title: Witch of Time
Land: Land of Sun and Song

Ok so like I'm picking through Shelia's metaphorical profile hair here, right? Looking for lice and shit.

Well I can't find any. I hereby declare Shelia Caruta to be LOUSE-FREE.


Well actually, no. That flagpole should probably be surgically removed, it can't be healthy to have half of it going up her rear.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
08-03-2013, 07:38 PM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 07:39 PM by Overlard.)
Post: #123
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 07:04 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  [Image: NewCanvas.png][Image: SheliaSprite.png]
(yes i know the symbols are different. I haven't gotten around to updating the minisprite yet. The symbol on her AB is the correct one.)

Your name is SHELIA CARUTA and you are absolutely PERFECT. Nobody can argue with that.

Your lusus, MOTHER SUPREME LIONESS, has been training you since she found you to be the absolute epitome of a PROPER TROLL. This includes daily Nightly. sparring sessions, which have honed your ability to DODGE as well as use your BLADEKIND specibus. You fight with a RAPIER, naturally, as it is the WEAPON OF PROPER ALTERNIAN SOCIETY.

Since your lusus cannot actually speak and can only give her orders by HARSHLY PUNISHING YOU WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING SHE DOESN'T LIKE, you go to other sources for your orders. You've found a wonderful book of ETIQUETTE, which explains everything you need to know about proper Alternian society! It includes lessons on SELF-SUFFICIENCY, HEMOSPECTRUM ADHERANCE, and LETTING YOUR LUSUS CHOOSE YOUR QUADRANTS. Your lusus punishes you less often when you follow the rules of the book, and you have come to take it as some sort of HOLY GOSPEL.

You have FEW INTERESTS, as your lusus does not like for you to get distracted from your training. She gets very angry when that happens, and in your EIGHT SWEEPS OF LIFE, you have learned how awful it is to anger Mother Supreme Lioness. When you were young she punished you so harshly that you were left with a PERMANANT LIMP. More than anything else, that's the punishment that taught you your place. As such, you only participate in her APPROVED ACTIVITIES, which are primarily made up of SEWING your own clothes, EMBROIDERY to keep your eyes sharp, and TRAINING. Lots of training. Your training primarily consists of sparring with Mother Supreme Lioness - sweeps of which has given you excellent dodging skills to compliment your fencing skill. You also practice your posture, particularly your walking, in order to disguise your limp.

You have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN MUSIC WHATSOEVER. Especially not in the VIOLIN. Beautiful as it is, music would take your attention away from your studies, and you cannot have that. Th]s ]s the ma]n concentrat]on of ass to po[e. ]f you exam]ne c[ose[y ]n zone A, you can see a[[ the fucks ] don't g]ve about you.

You converse with other trolls occasionally, and generally have found these exchanges less than satisfying. Most trolls are so UNCIVILIZED. It's like their lusii didn't know how to train them. You try to educate lowbloods to small avail, and do your best to be polite to highbloods while reminding them of the behavior expected of members of their caste. You also do your part to CULL the weak and the mutants of society. If a troll can stand against you in a fight without dying, you deem them worthy of your respect.

Most trolls would say you have a huge pole up your butt. You would call them rude and tell them to watch their language.

Your HIVE is in a mountainous area which you use to your advantage to train your BALANCE. The scenery is beautiful, and you like to sit right outside your hive when practicing your needlework. Whenever you aren't training, this is the activity that you find yourself doing the most. Your fetch modus is even EMBROIDERY, requiring you to stitch an outline of the object in a small pillow before you can remove it. It's quite time-intensive, so you don't captchalogue very much.

Your trolltag is exemplaryElegance and you "Speak. Slowly. And. With. Careful. Enunciation. As. A. Proper. Lady. Should."

TL;DR

Name: Shelia Caruta
Age: Eight Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'8"
Blood Color: Green (#006600)
Trolltag: exemplaryElegance
Quirk: Puts. A. Period. After. Every. Word. And. Capitalizes. Every. Word.
Lusus: Lioness (Mother Supreme Lioness)
Specibus: bladekind
Modus: embroidery
Title: Witch of Time
Land: Land of Sun and Song
No rea[[y, She[]a. Pu[[ the fuck]n' po[e from yer ass. Someone get me the jaws a' []fe!

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-03-2013, 08:30 PM
Post: #124
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
since you guys are so super helpful and give gr9 crit here's another troll

[Image: SamtenMini.png]

Your name is SAMTEN DORADO and you are quite WELL-TRAVELED.

This, of course, is because you are the CAPTAIN of a MERCHANT SHIP, the HICS KRAKEN. You named it after your beloved lusus, who follows you on your journeys and keeps your ship safe from pirates. In return, you have to feed it - a task that is easier said than done. Your lusus eats an awful lot.

You love to SAIL. There's nothing better, in your opinion, than the salty sea air and the wind in your hair and the commotion yet peacefulness of being above the sea. Other seadwellers will call you STRANGE for not living in the water, but you prefer to live on your ship. Your ship takes you to the far corners of Alternia, and you constantly see things you've never seen before. Seeing all of these EXOTIC PLACES, though has left you utterly BORED with anything "normal." As a result, you're pretty DIFFICULT TO ENTERTAIN.

Long voyages can get awfully boring, especially to a troll like you. In an attempt to entertain yourself you've tried a variety of HOBBIES, though you bore too easily to stick with most of them. One that you have stuck with is your TRAVEL LOG - a series of leatherbound notebooks where you record your travels. Sometimes when you're feeling sentimental, you curl up in your cabin and read your old travel logs. You also enjoy DRINKING, though you consider it more of a personality trait than a hobby at this point. One thing that helps keep you entertained is the LEARNING PROCESS. You've learned a lot of pointless skills simply because you can - For example, you are fluent in Semaphore and keep a list of exotic foods you have sampled.

You sometimes entertain yourself by lording your position over lowbloods. You are HIGHLY HEMOLOYAL, believing that seadwellers are meant to rule over all other trolls. The seadwelling population is supposed to be the strongest, smartest, and overall best that trollkind has to offer. To reach that goal, you often CULL weak seadwellers, ones who are contributing nothing to society. Sometimes you cull mutants and rebellious lowbloods as well, to keep the heirarchy in place.

Perhaps the only thing more important to you than the hemospectrum is MONEY. Your ship brings in plenty of it, and you stow it away for safekeeping. Occasionally you look through your stash and just count it. Due to your love of money, you have a hatred for any troll who would try to separate you from your hard-earned moolah. You especially despise all forms of PIRACY, and have sworn to destroy any pirate's ship you come across during your voyages.

You fight best with your BLADEKIND specibus, primarily using a sabre. You also use PISTOLKIND, though you are significantly less skilled with your gun and only use it in emergencies. Your fetch modus is ORIGIN. You have to name where the item originated before you can retrieve it. It can get pretty confusing sometimes, but it's definitely interesting.

Your trolltag is moralMariner and you $peak like you're alway$ fo¢u$ed on the bottom line.

tl;dr
Name: Samten Dorado
Age: Eight Sweeps
Gender: Pick one. I'm curious to see which people assume.
Height: 5'7"
Blood Color: Purple (#770066)
Trolltag: moralMariner
Quirk: s or S = $, c or C = ¢
Lusus: The Kracken
Specibus: bladekind. also keeps pistolKind as a backup.
Title: Rogue of Void
Land: Land of Gold and Falsehood

My issue on hir really is hobbies. Sammy doesn't really have a lot of hobbies because ze never sticks with anything. IDK if that makes hir seem dull.

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-03-2013, 09:35 PM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2013 10:11 PM by MQuinny1234.)
Post: #125
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 04:25 PM)ZeronFX Wrote:  
(08-03-2013 01:21 PM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  3rd time's the charm.

[Image: ZENARACEFALDv2_zpsa020fabb.png]
Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a PENT-UP little SPAT of RAGE WRAPPED and TRAPPED by a honed WILL, sarcastic coping mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. Doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the BOTTOM of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM.

You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a COG, if only a SMALL part that is easily BROKEN and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All Hail Wonder-F***ing Alternia. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some of it you just dislike. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says that this, and the whole society, sucks. Oddly, you wouldn’t see this as well had you not lost one of your eyes last SWEEP. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand in a tight spot. The correct response to being in a room full of fire is unfortunately simply to not be in that room. A lot of other skin and hair and stuff went with your eye too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost, and biggest reminder of it all, though your pale palms tend to ITCH still. You only survived because those BASTARD HIGHBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. Your horns were broken off too due to a related, but separate issue. Same reasons anyhow. From that though, you have learnt to keep your tongue held and your tone subdued, though you hate yourself for letting the hemoarchy push you to your knees. Anyway, when you’re not SPITTING and FROTHING mad at the whole thing, full of PASSION and BILE and especially FIRE, you are a bit of a nihilist. Dry and cynical and morbid. You don’t have a lot of hope for the future really and know it’s probably going to end violently, the best you can hope for is that it’s on your own terms. Maybe in a nice EXPLOSION in some Hive ships fuel reserves. Every little helps. You’re a bit petty too.

Before all of that STUFF, when your were 4 or 5 sweeps, you used to have BIG DREAMS of being a legislacerator. Cute, huh. You had these CRAZY ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY to ALL TROLLS, regardless of BLOOD, and thinking you’d led the way to a more UNITED Alternia. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS on those subjects you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you weren’t quite exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. Of course, you did eventually face the fact that these were just dreams. At best, you could be a paper clerk of some sort, but even if there was a chance for that, you wouldn’t have any power to actually help trolls, a rustblood would never be allowed it. Despite this, you keep up your studies, you’d already started that path, may as well hope for something. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meagre possessions: being a scorched recuperacoon, a few BOOKS and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in your room now there’s more space. You like to huddle up in her nest sometimes with a book, anything you can get your hand on now, just to keep yourself occupied. Crime novels and the like are the best you can get outside of actual information.

Ignoring your reading habits, you also spend some time learning rope tricks, things like cat’s cradles, or escapism, and other things. Couple of times Merlin has had to gnaw at the ropes to free you from a successful experiment. Trial and ERROR are important. Until you get some quality rope that highbloods can’t just SNAP through, you’ll need to know the most EFFICIENT ways to tie up your problems. Short of outright STRANGLING them you mean, though that would be kinda FUNNY, if stupid. If you successful bound a highblood, they’d probably keep it quiet out of embarrassment. If you KILL one to solve a problem, and you’ll have even more trouble afterwards. Plus, it’s wrong, you guess, or something. Morality is TRICKIER than legality. You've also recently started looking into FLARP games. Bit late now, but when you were younger you’d thought yourself to be above that kind of violence and barbarity. Boy did that opinion come crashing down hard.

Your STRIFE MODUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. I like this. I like this a lot. If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like 1. This. 2. You begin SENTENCES with NUMBERS depending on each new SENTENCE you say before someone else begins to speak. 2. You also italicise and fully capitalise NOUNS.

There's only 2 problems I have. One, he still seems a bit too rebellious for my tastes. Two, the profile CAPITALIZES weird words. Try only capitalizing important nouns or phrases. Other than that, good job! It's much better than when it started out.

I'll thrown in my 2 cents as well.
Also, the sprite has definitely improved, but unfortunately it has some weird little artifacts in it. I can fix it up for you if you'd like?

Well, I'm certainly not going to turn down free help I suppose. I'll greatly appreciate it, thanks, but the main problem is gonna be that talk sprite. No idea how to do a good one of those. I'll take a look at the Capitalisations, never really got that thing. Also, perhaps I should make a more blatant note somewhere that she's female. I'll just edit the post a little I think rather than reposting.

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-04-2013, 01:37 AM
Post: #126
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Don't worry too much about the talksprite for now, since you can rp with the regular sprites as well. If you really want the talksprites, there's plenty of people here who would be willing to help you with that as well. But yeah, for the most part I think you're definitely good now.

So, welcome to the community, man! Nice to have fresh faces coming around here.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
08-04-2013, 02:18 AM
Post: #127
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: 3WuaDAF.png]
So there's that. Lesson learned: Don't save files as .jpg/.jpeg. =P

Anyway, I looked over the profile again, and you seem to have done well with fixing capitalization.

So, uh, nice! Always excited to have new members around.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
08-04-2013, 02:49 AM
Post: #128
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Thanks, just gonna save that in my little "characters" folder, overwriting the old file, reupload it to photobucket and submit it then to...Neo I suppose. Thanks for all the help people. Very grateful.

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-04-2013, 06:48 AM
Post: #129
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 08:30 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  since you guys are so super helpful and give gr9 crit here's another troll

[Image: SamtenMini.png]

Your name is SAMTEN DORADO and you are quite WELL-TRAVELED.

This, of course, is because you are the CAPTAIN of a MERCHANT SHIP, the HICS KRAKEN. You named it after your beloved lusus, who follows you on your journeys and keeps your ship safe from pirates. In return, you have to feed it - a task that is easier said than done. Your lusus eats an awful lot. So does ze have an actual hive? Where did ze get the ship anyway? Did ze force someone to build one for hir or did ze just steal it? Just how big is it? Is it able to be run by only one troll? What model of ship is it? There's a lot of different kinds of "merchant" sailing ships. Usually they focus on having either a ton of firepower or being deathly quick.


So did hir lusus encourage hir to live above the sea when ze was but a wriggler? How did the upbringing affect hir?


You love to SAIL. There's nothing better, in your opinion, than the salty sea air and the wind in your hair and the commotion yet peacefulness of being above the sea. Other seadwellers will call you STRANGE for not living in the water, but you prefer to live on your ship. Your ship takes you to the far corners of Alternia, and you constantly see things you've never seen before. Seeing all of these EXOTIC PLACES, though has left you utterly BORED with anything "normal." As a result, you're pretty DIFFICULT TO ENTERTAIN. So would ze naturally drift towards more "adventurous" things? Would ze try to investigate rumors of hidden treasure or horrific sea monsters? A whole world of stupidly deadly adventure awaits.

Long voyages can get awfully boring, especially to a troll like you. In an attempt to entertain yourself you've tried a variety of HOBBIES, though you bore too easily to stick with most of them. One that you have stuck with is your TRAVEL LOG - a series of leatherbound notebooks where you record your travels. Sometimes when you're feeling sentimental, you curl up in your cabin and read your old travel logs. You also enjoy DRINKING, though you consider it more of a personality trait than a hobby at this point. One thing that helps keep you entertained is the LEARNING PROCESS. You've learned a lot of pointless skills simply because you can - For example, you are fluent in Semaphore and keep a list of exotic foods you have sampled. Does ze ever try to show off these pointless skills? Does anyone ever try to call hir out on knowing a bunch of useless information? The brain can only hold so much knowledge after all, someone might think ze's wasting that space.

You should consider swapping the "drinking" part for an actual hobby that might appeal to other trolls as a whole. If ze has trouble sticking with a hobby, perhaps it could be something ever-changing just like hir? Something such as "modern naval strategy," "this awful modern music," or even "Stupid Hive Movies" AKA recordings of the sea life to try and make it seem cool.


You sometimes entertain yourself by lording your position over lowbloods. You are HIGHLY HEMOLOYAL, believing that seadwellers are meant to rule over all other trolls. The seadwelling population is supposed to be the strongest, smartest, and overall best that trollkind has to offer. To reach that goal, you often CULL weak seadwellers, ones who are contributing nothing to society. Sometimes you cull mutants and rebellious lowbloods as well, to keep the heirarchy in place. How does ze define "contributing nothing"? Would that be a seadweller who just loafs around in their hive? One that doesn't actively cull? How does ze deal with trolls looking for revenge?

Perhaps the only thing more important to you than the hemospectrum is MONEY. Your ship brings in plenty of it, and you stow it away for safekeeping. Occasionally you look through your stash and just count it. Due to your love of money, you have a hatred for any troll who would try to separate you from your hard-earned moolah. You especially despise all forms of PIRACY, and have sworn to destroy any pirate's ship you come across during your voyages. So how many FLARPing matches has ze accidentally ruined because of this? You could also mention how other trolls see this greed of hirs and how it affects hir. Just what would ze do for the almighty ceagar?

You fight best with your BLADEKIND specibus, primarily using a sabre. You also use PISTOLKIND, though you are significantly less skilled with your gun and only use it in emergencies. Define "less skilled." A vague interpretation like that leaves room for accidental abuse in the future. Can ze hit the broad side of a barn? A moving target? Why not just stick with one specibus, since the second seems a little pointless. Your fetch modus is ORIGIN. You have to name where the item originated before you can retrieve it. It can get pretty confusing sometimes, but it's definitely interesting. Does ze try to use hir travel logs to help with this?

Your trolltag is moralMariner and you $peak like you're alway$ fo¢u$ed on the bottom line.

tl;dr
Name: Samten Dorado
Age: Eight Sweeps
Gender: Pick one. I'm curious to see which people assume. Personally, "she."
Height: 5'7"
Blood Color: Purple (#770066)
Trolltag: moralMariner
Quirk: s or S = $, c or C = ¢
Lusus: The Kracken
Specibus: bladekind. also keeps pistolKind as a backup.
Title: Rogue of Void
Land: Land of Gold and Falsehood

My issue on hir really is hobbies. Sammy doesn't really have a lot of hobbies because ze never sticks with anything. IDK if that makes hir seem dull.

I did it, I did the thing. In red.

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-04-2013, 08:00 AM
Post: #130
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-03-2013 09:35 PM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  
(08-03-2013 04:25 PM)ZeronFX Wrote:  
(08-03-2013 01:21 PM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  3rd time's the charm.

[Image: ZENARACEFALDv2_zpsa020fabb.png]
Your name is ZENERA CEFALD; and you are a PENT-UP little SPAT of RAGE WRAPPED and TRAPPED by a honed WILL, sarcastic coping mechanisms, and a well-learnt SURVIVAL instinct. Doesn’t pay to mouth off when you’re the BOTTOM of the BLOODY HEMOSPECTRUM.

You are 7 SWEEPS old and are a RUST-BLOOD. YAY, lucky you. It could be worse you suppose. At least you get to be a COG, if only a SMALL part that is easily BROKEN and replaced by the GREAT EMPIRE. All Hail Wonder-F***ing Alternia. You LOATHE this planet and everything that came from it. Well, some of it you just dislike. You don’t think anyone has quite that much RAGE in them. You focus yours on the HIGHBLOODS and the focus lessens down from there to moderate dislike once it reaches other RUST-BLOODS. You view yourself as a REALIST and your view says that this, and the whole society, sucks. Oddly, you wouldn’t see this as well had you not lost one of your eyes last SWEEP. Your own damn fault when your PYROKINESIS got out of hand in a tight spot. The correct response to being in a room full of fire is unfortunately simply to not be in that room. A lot of other skin and hair and stuff went with your eye too but the eye was the only functional thing you lost, and biggest reminder of it all, though your pale palms tend to ITCH still. You only survived because those BASTARD HIGHBLOODS that came after you thought too LITTLE of you to check thoroughly. Your horns were broken off too due to a related, but separate issue. Same reasons anyhow. From that though, you have learnt to keep your tongue held and your tone subdued, though you hate yourself for letting the hemoarchy push you to your knees. Anyway, when you’re not SPITTING and FROTHING mad at the whole thing, full of PASSION and BILE and especially FIRE, you are a bit of a nihilist. Dry and cynical and morbid. You don’t have a lot of hope for the future really and know it’s probably going to end violently, the best you can hope for is that it’s on your own terms. Maybe in a nice EXPLOSION in some Hive ships fuel reserves. Every little helps. You’re a bit petty too.

Before all of that STUFF, when your were 4 or 5 sweeps, you used to have BIG DREAMS of being a legislacerator. Cute, huh. You had these CRAZY ideas of a LAW and JUSTICE that would apply EQUALLY to ALL TROLLS, regardless of BLOOD, and thinking you’d led the way to a more UNITED Alternia. Such a FUCKING idiot back then. You had all the BOOKS on those subjects you could get, which weren’t many. Even though you weren’t quite exactly legal about procuring them, ironically. Of course, you did eventually face the fact that these were just dreams. At best, you could be a paper clerk of some sort, but even if there was a chance for that, you wouldn’t have any power to actually help trolls, a rustblood would never be allowed it. Despite this, you keep up your studies, you’d already started that path, may as well hope for something. You now live in the REMAINS of your HIVE with the rest of your meagre possessions: being a scorched recuperacoon, a few BOOKS and a bunch of blackened illegible pages, and some clothes. Your lusus, MERLINMA, has since remade her nest in your room now there’s more space. You like to huddle up in her nest sometimes with a book, anything you can get your hand on now, just to keep yourself occupied. Crime novels and the like are the best you can get outside of actual information.

Ignoring your reading habits, you also spend some time learning rope tricks, things like cat’s cradles, or escapism, and other things. Couple of times Merlin has had to gnaw at the ropes to free you from a successful experiment. Trial and ERROR are important. Until you get some quality rope that highbloods can’t just SNAP through, you’ll need to know the most EFFICIENT ways to tie up your problems. Short of outright STRANGLING them you mean, though that would be kinda FUNNY, if stupid. If you successful bound a highblood, they’d probably keep it quiet out of embarrassment. If you KILL one to solve a problem, and you’ll have even more trouble afterwards. Plus, it’s wrong, you guess, or something. Morality is TRICKIER than legality. You've also recently started looking into FLARP games. Bit late now, but when you were younger you’d thought yourself to be above that kind of violence and barbarity. Boy did that opinion come crashing down hard.

Your STRIFE MODUS is ROPEKIND and your modus is COIN modus which had a 50-50 chance of being a PAIN IN THE ASS. I like this. I like this a lot. If you were to play a game, you would be a Maid of Rage and live in a Land of Ice and Pyres, and you talk like 1. This. 2. You begin SENTENCES with NUMBERS depending on each new SENTENCE you say before someone else begins to speak. 2. You also italicise and fully capitalise NOUNS.

There's only 2 problems I have. One, he still seems a bit too rebellious for my tastes. Two, the profile CAPITALIZES weird words. Try only capitalizing important nouns or phrases. Other than that, good job! It's much better than when it started out.

I'll thrown in my 2 cents as well.
Also, the sprite has definitely improved, but unfortunately it has some weird little artifacts in it. I can fix it up for you if you'd like?

Well, I'm certainly not going to turn down free help I suppose. I'll greatly appreciate it, thanks, but the main problem is gonna be that talk sprite. No idea how to do a good one of those. I'll take a look at the Capitalisations, never really got that thing. Also, perhaps I should make a more blatant note somewhere that she's female. I'll just edit the post a little I think rather than reposting.

Talksprites aren't quite as complicated as they seem, actually! You can make a decent, workable AB, or if worse case, find someone to help. It's still good to try, nonetheless, as making an AB when starting out can be really fun.

Here are extremely good bases to start with.

Word of caution. Don't use [Image: talk_sprite_girl_base_by_shae_luvs_xei163-d4aqsos.png] this base. This base is badly proportioned and lazily made, and a lot of people who don't know better fall into this trap--a lot of trolls made with this base are usually avoided due to the stigma of it! Stick with the bases linked prior, and you should be set. Remember to save as a .png, and you're set!
Reply
08-05-2013, 09:53 AM
Post: #131
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
I'll drop this fella off, thanks for the earlier critique on Gatior! I'll put up his revised profile later.

[Image: sprite.png][Image: Anger.png]

Your name is GAVEYO DEYLOC. You are an 8 SWEEP old YELLOW blood (#AFAF00) and you really wish you weren't here right now.

You take up residence in a hive by a RIVER, along with your CAMEL custodian. You don’t have many good things to say about the land around you. Or your lusus. Or the river. Or your hive. Or your YELLOW blood. You don’t have anything good to say ever, it seems. Being on the low end of the hemospectrum hasn't done much for you, if anything it only serves to make you BITTER that you weren't born on top of the hemospectrum. You're also a tad CYNICAL, if only after having lived long enough to suffer enough backstabbing that your backside could be mistaken for a pincushion. You don't WHINE about it, though. You just take out your idle boredom on other trolls for giggles. Those other trolls have a tendency to see you as a huge obnoxious-completely-full-of-himself-piece-of-bulge, and you're going to do absolutely nothing to make them think that isn't an appropriate moniker.

Your lusus, by the by, somewhat resembles a HUMPBEAST, otherwise known as a camel. He's rather dull, since all he does is wander around your hive and spit at things he doesn't like. The most he ever managed to teach you was how to be a really lazy oaf and to always protect your territory. You grudgingly care for the old beast, if only because he kept you alive as a wriggler.

Most of your time is spent traveling about the areas near your hive. You like to collect a lot of TRINKETS to show off just how many places you've been and events you've seen. You like to think you're a TOTAL BADASS with all the cool things you've seen, but other people tend not to agree. You also like to practice a bit of TAXIDERMY when you're at your hive. A lot of animals just seem to hate you for some reason, so you might as well take advantage of it by stuffing their corpses. That awesome looking tiger in your front block is a great conversation piece. Not that you ever let anyone into your hive, usually.

You also engage in SCAVENGING while out and about, picking up the scraps and garbage of the Alternian world. You’ve got quite the knack for turning almost useless garbage into incredibly (read: slightly) useful tools, like a set of pipes into a ladder and so forth. There’s a goldmine of things to collect out there, and with your ability to FAKE DEATH, a whole lot of trolls aren’t even able to tell if you’re a threat.

As a yellow blood, you’re horribly low on the hemospectrum. You still listen to higher ups and what they have to say, but you honestly just wish they’d leave you alone. It’s so tiring and irritating having to grit your teeth and listen to them blather on about pointless crap.

Your strife specibus is set to fistKind, which lets you throw your considerable weight around towards your foes, though your hands often pay the price.

Your fetch modus is set to PRESSURE BALL. Every item’s card must be squeezed to the point of breakage between your large, ham-like hands. The tougher and larger the item, the more pressure is required. Sometimes you substitute a thermal hull for your hands.

Your trolltag is malignantMiscreant and you "Hav# a bit of a rough and uncouth acc#nt."

TL;DR
Name: Gaveyo Deyloc
Blood colour/Hex: Yellow (#Afaf00)
Gender: Male
Age: Eight sweeps
TrollTag: malignantMiscreant
Quirk: e/E = #
Strife Specibus: fistKind
Fetch Modus: Pressure Ball
Lusus: Camel
Interests: Himself, cool looking things, taxidermy, junk collection, repair and maintenance, annoying people, being obnoxious

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-05-2013, 10:11 AM
Post: #132
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-05-2013 09:53 AM)Overlard Wrote:  
I'll drop this fella off, thanks for the earlier critique on Gatior! I'll put up his revised profile later.

[Image: sprite.png][Image: Anger.png]

Your name is GAVEYO DEYLOC. You are an 8 SWEEP old YELLOW blood (#AFAF00) and you really wish you weren't here right now.

You take up residence in a hive by a RIVER, along with your CAMEL custodian. You don’t have many good things to say about the land around you. Or your lusus. Or the river. Or your hive. Or your YELLOW blood. You don’t have anything good to say ever, it seems. Being on the low end of the hemospectrum hasn't done much for you, if anything it only serves to make you BITTER that you weren't born on top of the hemospectrum. You're also a tad CYNICAL, if only after having lived long enough to suffer enough backstabbing that your backside could be mistaken for a pincushion. You don't WHINE about it, though. You just take out your idle boredom on other trolls for giggles. Those other trolls have a tendency to see you as a huge obnoxious-completely-full-of-himself-piece-of-bulge, and you're going to do absolutely nothing to make them think that isn't an appropriate moniker. Has he ever put any thought into "how am I going to g#t a mat#sprit if I treat #v#ryone like shit"

Your lusus, by the by, somewhat resembles a HUMPBEAST, otherwise known as a camel. You said this already He's rather dull, since all he does is wander around your hive and spit at things he doesn't like. The most he ever managed to teach you was how to be a really lazy oaf and to always protect your territory. You grudgingly care for the old beast, if only because he kept you alive as a wriggler.

Most of your time is spent traveling about the areas near your hive. You like to collect a lot of TRINKETS to show off just how many places you've been and events you've seen. You like to think you're a TOTAL BADASS with all the cool things you've seen, but other people tend not to agree. You also like to practice a bit of TAXIDERMY when you're at your hive. A lot of animals just seem to hate you for some reason, so you might as well take advantage of it by stuffing their corpses. That awesome looking tiger in your front block is a great conversation piece. Not that you ever let anyone into your hive, usually.

You also engage in SCAVENGING while out and about, picking up the scraps and garbage of the Alternian world. You’ve got quite the knack for turning almost useless garbage into incredibly (read: slightly) useful tools, like a set of pipes into a ladder and so forth. There’s a goldmine of things to collect out there, and with your ability to FAKE DEATH, a whole lot of trolls aren’t even able to tell if you’re a threat. You might want to explain his power a little bit here for clarification.

As a yellowblood, you’re horribly low on the hemospectrum. You still listen to higher ups and what they have to say, but you honestly just wish they’d leave you alone. It’s so tiring and irritating having to grit your teeth and listen to them blather on about pointless crap.

Your strife specibus is set to fistKind, which lets you throw your considerable weight omg what a fatass around towards your foes, though your hands often pay the price.

Your fetch modus is set to PRESSURE BALL. Every item’s card must be squeezed to the point of breakage between your large, ham-like hands. The tougher and larger the item, the more pressure is required. Sometimes you substitute a thermal hull for your hands.

Your trolltag is malignantMiscreant and you "Hav# a bit of a rough and uncouth acc#nt."

TL;DR
Name: Gaveyo Deyloc
Blood colour/Hex: Yellow (#Afaf00)
Gender: Male
Age: Eight sweeps
TrollTag: malignantMiscreant
Quirk: e/E = #
Strife Specibus: fistKind
Fetch Modus: Pressure Ball
Lusus: Camel
Interests: Himself, cool looking things, taxidermy, junk collection, repair and maintenance, annoying people I read this wrong at first and thought one of his interests was people who are annoying and I was like "yes kaptey is one of his interests", being obnoxious

Um, you spelled his name wrong. It's Gabby. Can't even spell your own troll's name right, god OL.

Anyway, crit in red. Spelling and shizz in blue.

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-06-2013, 09:58 AM
Post: #133
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-04-2013 08:00 AM)Teslamagnetic Integration Wrote:  Talksprites aren't quite as complicated as they seem, actually! You can make a decent, workable AB, or if worse case, find someone to help. It's still good to try, nonetheless, as making an AB when starting out can be really fun.

Here are extremely good bases to start with.

Word of caution. Don't use [Image: talk_sprite_girl_base_by_shae_luvs_xei163-d4aqsos.png] this base. This base is badly proportioned and lazily made, and a lot of people who don't know better fall into this trap--a lot of trolls made with this base are usually avoided due to the stigma of it! Stick with the bases linked prior, and you should be set. Remember to save as a .png, and you're set!
[Image: Zenaratalksprite_zps16d83ad9.png]
Howzat?

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-06-2013, 03:04 PM
Post: #134
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-05-2013 09:53 AM)Overlard Wrote:  
I'll drop this fella off, thanks for the earlier critique on Gatior! I'll put up his revised profile later.

[Image: sprite.png][Image: Anger.png]

Your name is GAVEYO DEYLOC. You are an 8 SWEEP old YELLOW blood (#AFAF00) and you really wish you weren't here right now.

You take up residence in a hive by a RIVER, along with your CAMEL custodian. You don’t have many good things to say about the land around you. Or your lusus. Or the river. Or your hive. Or your YELLOW blood. You don’t have anything good to say ever, it seems. Being on the low end of the hemospectrum hasn't done much for you, if anything it only serves to make you BITTER that you weren't born on top of the hemospectrum. You're also a tad CYNICAL, if only after having lived long enough to suffer enough backstabbing that your backside could be mistaken for a pincushion. You don't WHINE about it, though. You just take out your idle boredom on other trolls for giggles. Those other trolls have a tendency to see you as a huge obnoxious-completely-full-of-himself-piece-of-bulge, and you're going to do absolutely nothing to make them think that isn't an appropriate moniker. Positive quadrants may be a concern.

Your lusus, by the by, somewhat resembles a HUMPBEAST, otherwise known as a camel.Already mentioned in the first sentence. He's rather dull, since all he does is wander around your hive and spit at things he doesn't like. The most he ever managed to teach you was how to be a really lazy oaf and to always protect your territory. You grudgingly care for the old beast, if only because he kept you alive as a wriggler.

Most of your time is spent traveling about the areas near your hive. You like to collect a lot of TRINKETS to show off just how many places you've been and events you've seen. You like to think you're a TOTAL BADASS with all the cool things you've seen, but other people tend not to agree. What does he do with them? Does he show them off? Does he tell stories about where he gets them? Does he make up stories about where he gets them? You also like to practice a bit of TAXIDERMY when you're at your hive. A lot of animals just seem to hate you for some reason, so you might as well take advantage of it by stuffing their corpses. That awesome looking tiger in your front block is a great conversation piece. Not that you ever let anyone into your hive, usually.

You also engage in SCAVENGING while out and about, picking up the scraps and garbage of the Alternian world. You’ve got quite the knack for turning almost useless garbage into incredibly (read: slightly) useful tools, like a set of pipes into a ladder and so forth. There’s a goldmine of things to collect out there, and with your ability to FAKE DEATH, a whole lot of trolls aren’t even able to tell if you’re a threat. Does this affect him in any way besides the obvious practical use?

As a yellowblood, you’re horribly low on the hemospectrum. You still listen to higher ups and what they have to say, but you honestly just wish they’d leave you alone. It’s so tiring and irritating having to grit your teeth and listen to them blather on about pointless crap.

Your strife specibus is set to fistKind, which lets you throw your considerable weight around towards your foes, though your hands often pay the price. ...Huh? Are you saying he's a heavyweight with soft hands? I don't really understand.

Your fetch modus is set to PRESSURE BALL. Every item’s card must be squeezed to the point of breakage between your large, ham-like hands. The tougher and larger the item, the more pressure is required. Sometimes you substitute a thermal hull for your hands.

Your trolltag is malignantMiscreant and you "Hav# a bit of a rough and uncouth acc#nt."

Overall, nothing really all that wrong with the profile, and I really do like the character.

TL;DR
Name: Gaveyo Deyloc
Blood colour/Hex: Yellow (#Afaf00)
Gender: Male
Age: Eight sweeps
TrollTag: malignantMiscreant
Quirk: e/E = #
Strife Specibus: fistKind
Fetch Modus: Pressure Ball
Lusus: Camel
Interests: Himself, cool looking things, taxidermy, junk collection, repair and maintenance, annoying people, being obnoxious

I guess this will be my chosen crit color.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
08-06-2013, 05:11 PM
Post: #135
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Thanks for the crit I've been getting on my profiles so far! Here's another one.

[Image: Bored.png][Image: NhavanMini.png]

Your name is NHAVAN PRANYA and you are a little OBSESSIVE, but completely HARMLESS to everyone you encounter.

You are one of the rare KIND trolls on Alternia. You pride yourself on being GENTLE and absolutely love to make friends! You tend to be very COMPLIMENTARY toward other trolls, whether they be above or below you on the hemospectrum. It's better to keep other trolls happy, after all!

Okay, so most of that is an ACT, but it is an integral part to why the hell a troll like you is still ALIVE on this planet. When you were a young wriggler, you discovered that you're REALLY NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE ON ALTERNIA. You are very small and not physically strong at all. You're not even that fast of a runner. You seem very much like you are NOT A THREAT at all to anyone. The one thing that you were blessed with is a very clever mind. You can easily analyze a social situation to discover another troll's weak points, and you keep those weak points stored in your brain just in case you ever need to make use of them. Thanks to the teachings of your lusus and your own intelligence, you've honed yourself into an EFFECTIVE KILLER.

MOMMA PORTIA, your giant spider lusus, taught you how to HUNT other trolls by gaining their trust and learning their weaknesses, and then TRAPPING and KILLING them when they least expect it. You don't kill every troll you meet, of course, as that would be stupid, but you make sure you know how if you ever need to. Everyone around you could become a THREAT to your survival at any moment, even a quadrant! Everyone must be EXPENDABLE, no matter how attached you get. Except your lusus. Momma Portia takes very good care of you and you couldn't ask for a better lusus, even if it meant that your simple hive in the valley wouldn't be so full of spiderwebs anymore. You're pretty used to the webs by now, really.

When not VETTING the trolls around you, you pour yourself into your WRITING. You write and sell trashy TROLLMANCE NOVELS, and you're constantly on the lookout for inspiration for your next novel! You carry around a NOTEBOOK with you at all times which you use to write down anything interesting that you see when you're out and about. Alongside your love of romance in your stories, you also love real life romance! You think seeing troll couples is just so cute, and you find yourself SHIPPING trolls that you know together. You keep your shipping notebook constantly updated, and even draw FANART of your ships! You like to dabble in all artistic pursuits, after all, although most trolls would say that your SINGING and DRAWING are better done in private and never shared with anyone.

You fight with NETKIND, using large nets woven from your lusus' silk. It's a specibus designed for trapping rather than direct combat, which fits your usual methods perfectly. You also keep simple old KNIFEKIND handy for when you actually have to kill somebody. Your fetch modus is the SHIPPING MODUS, which requires you to put two or more items in your sylladex into a quadrant based on their characteristics. It's a little annoying because those items can only be withdrawn together, but you think it can be kinda fun sometimes.

Your trolltag is neuroticNovelist and you Tend to shpheak in a very shopht tone oph voice.

tl;dr
Name: Nhavan Pranya
Age: 7.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 4'10"
Blood Color: Faded Indigo (#816FA6)
Trolltag: neuroticNovelist
Quirk: s = sh, p = ph, f = ph
Lusus: Portia Spider
Specibus: netkind, knifekind
Title: Knight of Breath

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-06-2013, 05:51 PM
Post: #136
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-06-2013 05:11 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  Thanks for the crit I've been getting on my profiles so far! Here's another one.

[Image: Bored.png][Image: NhavanMini.png]

Your name is NHAVAN PRANYA and you are a little OBSESSIVE, but completely HARMLESS to everyone you encounter.

You should probably have the age here too, even though it is in the tl;dr

You are one of the rare KIND trolls on Alternia. You pride yourself on being GENTLE and absolutely love to make friends! You tend to be very COMPLIMENTARY toward other trolls, whether they be above or below you on the hemospectrum. It's better to keep other trolls happy, after all!

Okay, so most of that is an ACT, but it is an integral part to why the hell a troll like you is still ALIVE on this planet. When you were a young wriggler, you discovered that you're REALLY NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE ON ALTERNIA. You are very small and not physically strong at all. You're not even that fast of a runner. You seem very much like you are NOT A THREAT at all to anyone. The one thing that you were blessed with is a very clever mind. You can easily analyze a social situation to discover another troll's weak points, and you keep those weak points stored in your brain just in case you ever need to make use of them. Thanks to the teachings of your lusus and your own intelligence, you've honed yourself into an EFFECTIVE KILLER.

MOMMA PORTIA, your giant spider lusus, taught you how to HUNT other trolls by gaining their trust and learning their weaknesses, and then TRAPPING and KILLING them when they least expect it. You don't kill every troll you meet, of course, as that would be stupid, but you make sure you know how if you ever need to. Everyone around you could become a THREAT to your survival at any moment, even a quadrant! Everyone must be EXPENDABLE, no matter how attached you get. Except your lusus. Momma Portia takes very good care of you and you couldn't ask for a better lusus, even if it meant that your simple hive in the valley wouldn't be so full of spiderwebs anymore. You're pretty used to the webs by now, really.

Does she have to deal with the spider webs lots? Does it get in her hair or on her clothing?

When not VETTING the trolls around you, you pour yourself into your WRITING. You write and sell trashy TROLLMANCE NOVELS, and you're constantly on the lookout for inspiration for your next novel! You carry around a NOTEBOOK with you at all times which you use to write down anything interesting that you see when you're out and about. Alongside your love of romance in your stories, you also love real life romance! You think seeing troll couples is just so cute, and you find yourself SHIPPING trolls that you know together. You keep your shipping notebook constantly updated, and even draw FANART of your ships! You like to dabble in all artistic pursuits, after all, although most trolls would say that your SINGING and DRAWING are better done in private and never shared with anyone.

How does she react if anyone see;s her drawings or hears her sing?

You fight with NETKIND, using large nets woven from your lusus' silk. It's a specibus designed for trapping rather than direct combat, which fits your usual methods perfectly. You also keep simple old KNIFEKIND handy for when you actually have to kill somebody. Your fetch modus is the SHIPPING MODUS, which requires you to put two or more items in your sylladex into a quadrant based on their characteristics. It's a little annoying because those items can only be withdrawn together, but you think it can be kinda fun sometimes.

Your trolltag is neuroticNovelist and you Tend to shpheak in a very shopht tone oph voice.

tl;dr
Name: Nhavan Pranya
Age: 7.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 4'10"
Blood Color: Faded Indigo (#816FA6)
Trolltag: neuroticNovelist
Quirk: s = sh, p = ph, f = ph
Lusus: Portia Spider
Specibus: netkind, knifekind
Title: Knight of Breath

A very well done troll, I don't see anything wrong with it personaly, I just had some nit picking to do.
Crit in orange as per usual.
Reply
08-06-2013, 06:16 PM
Post: #137
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-06-2013 05:11 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  Thanks for the crit I've been getting on my profiles so far! Here's another one.

[Image: Bored.png][Image: NhavanMini.png]

Your name is NHAVAN PRANYA and you are a little OBSESSIVE, but completely HARMLESS to everyone you encounter.

You are one of the rare KIND trolls on Alternia. You pride yourself on being GENTLE and absolutely love to make friends! You tend to be very COMPLIMENTARY toward other trolls, whether they be above or below you on the hemospectrum. It's better to keep other trolls happy, after all!

Okay, so most of that is an ACT, but it is an integral part to why the hell a troll like you is still ALIVE on this planet. When you were a young wriggler, you discovered that you're REALLY NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE ON ALTERNIA. You are very small and not physically strong at all. You're not even that fast of a runner. You seem very much like you are NOT A THREAT at all to anyone. The one thing that you were blessed with is a very clever mind. You can easily analyze a social situation to discover another troll's weak points, and you keep those weak points stored in your brain just in case you ever need to make use of them. Thanks to the teachings of your lusus and your own intelligence, you've honed yourself into an EFFECTIVE KILLER.

So what would happen if a kill went wrong and the other troll managed to retaliate somehow? Would she be able to escape? Would it end badly? Would she die........???????

MOMMA PORTIA, your giant spider lusus, taught you how to HUNT other trolls by gaining their trust and learning their weaknesses, and then TRAPPING and KILLING them when they least expect it. You don't kill every troll you meet, of course, as that would be stupid, but you make sure you know how if you ever need to. Everyone around you could become a THREAT to your survival at any moment, even a quadrant! Everyone must be EXPENDABLE, no matter how attached you get. Except your lusus. Momma Portia takes very good care of you and you couldn't ask for a better lusus, even if it meant that your simple hive in the valley wouldn't be so full of spiderwebs anymore. You're pretty used to the webs by now, really.

So are quadrants just another way for her to survive? I mean. Of course they're a way to survive, but does she ever actually feel anything for the quadrantmate? Or would she seriously just be able to toss them out super quick and easy <:?c

When not VETTING the trolls around you, you pour yourself into your WRITING. You write and sell trashy TROLLMANCE NOVELS, and you're constantly on the lookout for inspiration for your next novel! You carry around a NOTEBOOK with you at all times which you use to write down anything interesting that you see when you're out and about. Alongside your love of romance in your stories, you also love real life romance! You think seeing troll couples is just so cute, and you find yourself SHIPPING trolls that you know together. You keep your shipping notebook constantly updated, and even draw FANART of your ships! You like to dabble in all artistic pursuits, after all, although most trolls would say that your SINGING and DRAWING are better done in private and never shared with anyone.

Tell me. Would she ever do the awful act of self-inserting herself into a ship. Say she liked this one brownblood...

You fight with NETKIND, using large nets woven from your lusus' silk. It's a specibus designed for trapping rather than direct combat, which fits your usual methods perfectly. You also keep simple old KNIFEKIND handy for when you actually have to kill somebody. Your fetch modus is the SHIPPING MODUS, which requires you to put two or more items in your sylladex into a quadrant based on their characteristics. It's a little annoying because those items can only be withdrawn together, but you think it can be kinda fun sometimes.

Are there any more downfalls to this? What if she gets two items that are incompatible overall? Would she try to find another item that went with it? The endless search for a good quadrant-mate....


Your trolltag is neuroticNovelist and you Tend to shpheak in a very shopht tone oph voice.

tl;dr
Name: Nhavan Pranya
Age: 7.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 4'10"
Blood Color: Faded Indigo (#816FA6)
Trolltag: neuroticNovelist
Quirk: s = sh, p = ph, f = ph
Lusus: Portia Spider
Specibus: netkind, knifekind
Title: Knight of Breath

i really like pink im sorryY ALSO WOW SHE SHARES THE SAME TITLE WITH SILVER THATS ACTUALLY REALLY GREAT a+

[Image: tumblr_ml7wpd3B3Z1qh9j9jo6_250.png]
Reply
08-06-2013, 06:47 PM (This post was last modified: 08-06-2013 06:55 PM by The Necromancer.)
Post: #138
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: ublichsprite2.png]
BRAND NEW UBLICH PROFILE AND REBOOT. CRITIQUE AWAY.
Your name is UBLICH DOPANT and as far as you can tell you are at least 9 SWEEPS old. Your blood is PURPLE and as such you are expected to be an enforcer of sorts for the royal caste. However, you've taken to a life of isolation. You've felt your time and efforts could be best spent on perfecting your craft as an APOTHECRUELTY. So you have little to no involvement in Highblood-Royalblood relations, yet. You spend countless nights and sleepless days toiling away inside your insidious HIVE trying to uncover the secrets of Alternia's ORGANIC population. This, of course includes the troll population.

Speaking of your hive you are cozily located far from prying eyes in your SWAMP. Where your only worry are the odd flarper that ventures too deep and the filthy gypsies that hide away in it. A few of which who have become subjects for your EXPERIMENTS. For the sake of PROGRESS, nothing can be considered too heinous or immoral. In fact, you seem to have thrown morality completely out the metaphorical window. This lack of medical morals has left some with a poor OPINION of you. Calling you such things as DEVIL and INSANE behind closed doors.

Let none say you never gave your VICTIMS a chance, though. You fancied yourself a GAMBLING troll and always let them attempt a chance at winning their LIVES back. This generally involved traditional games of your region. Poker, black jack, dice, and roulette respectively. You not only were GOOD at them but were a skilled CHEATER as well. You have yet to lose a bet so far. But you are not always so lucky as to get a victim. Sometimes progress can't wait for luck to go your way and you've been forced to EXPERIMENT upon YOURSELF.

Experimenting on your self has taken a harsh toll on your HEALTH. PAIN of experimenting on yourself became too much for you. In an act of DESPERATION you had tweaked your nerves resulting in the inability to FEEL anything. A mistake you still REGRET to this day. Your tainted body continues on even further with your proud and noble purple blood becoming tainted and harmful. Any contact with it from anyone other than you would quickly find themselves numb and paralyzed temporarily.

At some point in your life you've taken a hobby of HABERDASHERY, enjoying the crafting of fine HEADWARE. It was a coping mechanism for when you've become frustrated with work. But soon grew into another horrible obsession, The method you used was ARCHAIC at best and the chemicals used has cause you to take on the symptoms of MAD HATTER disease. Your body left weaker than the regular Highblood and your pan hazy and confused at times.

With your memory dwindling because of this, what was once filled with childhood joys soon were replaced by formulae and mathematics. Your own age even escapes you now. Only thing keeping you together being the dates you keep on every JOURNAL.

Despite your disabilities, you fancy yourself a ROMANTIC. But alas, you have quadrants as bare as a red-blood's pantry. However most recently a dubious troll has stolen your SPADE. This particular troll is the first ever to fall into your hive-trap and ESCAPE. Not only damaging your EGO but also breaking your HORN in the process. You've taken to dedicating your self to hunting down this troll and evening the score.

While unfortunate as your chance encounter with this wretched troll was, it was about time you left your hive. So many sweeps and nary a QUADRANT? It was about time you squared them away and dodge the inevitable drone bullet heading your way. With your proper demeanor and sly talking who could RESIST a troll such as you anyways? None you could think of anyways!

In your lonesome quadrant and friendless life, you've come to find comfort in lady luck and an actual spiritual guidance. Your DECK OF PLAYING CARDS being your most favorite possession. You've gone so far as to make them your Strife Specibus. Giving you a keen aim and nimble wrists. Your nimbleness further improved by your love of tricks and the art of SLEIGHT-OF-HAND. In fact you rely on your deft hands all the time with your SLEIGHT-OF-HAND Modus. Though, sometimes it becomes a burden when you find your self pulling out, once again, 20ft of tied together handkerchiefs or a dead hopbeast. You swear you've never captchalogged them and yet there they are.

Your trolltag is confusedHaberdasher and you type “[|:| slyly with a slight HATtention to HATs, mon ami.” while your laughter can be heard echoing in the swamps.

The only important quote ever. Thanks to Silvy.
Quote:[6:46:52 PM] Kinky Kaity.: jokes on you i am a snobby elitist cunt
Quote:[6:31:58 PM] •Silvdexter•: prove that you are the patties daddy
Reply
08-07-2013, 05:40 AM
Post: #139
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-06-2013 05:11 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  Thanks for the crit I've been getting on my profiles so far! Here's another one.

[Image: Bored.png][Image: NhavanMini.png]

Your name is NHAVAN PRANYA and you are a little OBSESSIVE, but completely HARMLESS to everyone you encounter.

Yeah, like it's been said the age should probably go here.

You are one of the rare KIND trolls on Alternia. You pride yourself on being GENTLE and absolutely love to make friends! You tend to be very COMPLIMENTARY toward other trolls, whether they be above or below you on the hemospectrum. It's better to keep other trolls happy, after all!

Okay, so most of that is an ACT, but it is an integral part to why the hell a troll like you is still ALIVE on this planet. When you were a young wriggler, you discovered that you're REALLY NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE ON ALTERNIA. You are very small and not physically strong at all. You're not even that fast of a runner. You seem very much like you are NOT A THREAT at all to anyone. The one thing that you were blessed with is a very clever mind. You can easily analyze a social situation to discover another troll's weak points, and you keep those weak points stored in your brain just in case you ever need to make use of them. Thanks to the teachings of your lusus and your own intelligence, you've honed yourself into an EFFECTIVE KILLER.

Well, that's all good, but how did she survive long enough until she was able to hone her skill? A small, weak Indigo probably wouldn't do too well.

MOMMA PORTIA, your giant spider lusus, taught you how to HUNT other trolls by gaining their trust and learning their weaknesses, and then TRAPPING and KILLING them when they least expect it. You don't kill every troll you meet, of course, as that would be stupid, but you make sure you know how if you ever need to. Everyone around you could become a THREAT to your survival at any moment, even a quadrant! Everyone must be EXPENDABLE, no matter how attached you get. Except your lusus. Momma Portia takes very good care of you and you couldn't ask for a better lusus, even if it meant that your simple hive in the valley wouldn't be so full of spiderwebs anymore. You're pretty used to the webs by now, really.

When not VETTING the trolls around you, you pour yourself into your WRITING. You write and sell trashy TROLLMANCE NOVELS, and you're constantly on the lookout for inspiration for your next novel! You carry around a NOTEBOOK with you at all times which you use to write down anything interesting that you see when you're out and about. Alongside your love of romance in your stories, you also love real life romance! You think seeing troll couples is just so cute, and you find yourself SHIPPING trolls that you know together. You keep your shipping notebook constantly updated, and even draw FANART of your ships! You like to dabble in all artistic pursuits, after all, although most trolls would say that your SINGING and DRAWING are better done in private and never shared with anyone.

You fight with NETKIND, using large nets woven from your lusus' silk. It's a specibus designed for trapping rather than direct combat, which fits your usual methods perfectly. You also keep simple old KNIFEKIND handy for when you actually have to kill somebody. Your fetch modus is the SHIPPING MODUS, which requires you to put two or more items in your sylladex into a quadrant based on their characteristics. It's a little annoying because those items can only be withdrawn together, but you think it can be kinda fun sometimes. Clever Modus! I like it!

Your trolltag is neuroticNovelist and you Tend to shpheak in a very shopht tone oph voice.

tl;dr
Name: Nhavan Pranya
Age: 7.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 4'10"
Blood Color: Faded Indigo (#816FA6)
Trolltag: neuroticNovelist
Quirk: s = sh, p = ph, f = ph
Lusus: Portia Spider
Specibus: netkind, knifekind
Title: Knight of Breath

Not much I can see wrong with it, really. Nice job with it!
Reply
08-07-2013, 06:32 AM
Post: #140
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-06-2013 09:58 AM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  
(08-04-2013 08:00 AM)Teslamagnetic Integration Wrote:  Talksprites aren't quite as complicated as they seem, actually! You can make a decent, workable AB, or if worse case, find someone to help. It's still good to try, nonetheless, as making an AB when starting out can be really fun.

Here are extremely good bases to start with.

Word of caution. Don't use [Image: talk_sprite_girl_base_by_shae_luvs_xei163-d4aqsos.png] this base. This base is badly proportioned and lazily made, and a lot of people who don't know better fall into this trap--a lot of trolls made with this base are usually avoided due to the stigma of it! Stick with the bases linked prior, and you should be set. Remember to save as a .png, and you're set!
[Image: Zenaratalksprite_zps16d83ad9.png]
Howzat?

Really good for a first timer! Like, seriously.

However, there are some notable issues that are important. For one, there's anti-aliasing. That's bad. You want that off. What art program did you use? This is important information that helps make the sprite double in quality.

Also, the hair needs to be smoothed out. Not with blur, mind, but like the hair of the sprites posted in this thread just above. It's very jagged and rough.

Other than fixing the hair a little bit and retouching the sprite (The face mainly, with the AA in the shadow under the hair, the eye, and the scar tissue around the shade lends), I honestly think this is a very good sprite. You did well!
Reply
08-07-2013, 09:27 AM
Post: #141
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
I don't know what anti-alising is. I used MS Paint I'm afraid. The hair is admittedly atrocious, but I just can't be happy with it, either the tuffs don't work or there's too much, etc.

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-07-2013, 09:55 AM (This post was last modified: 08-07-2013 10:00 AM by Dudemaster47.)
Post: #142
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-06-2013 06:47 PM)The Necromancer Wrote:  
[Image: ublichsprite2.png]
BRAND NEW UBLICH PROFILE AND REBOOT. CRITIQUE AWAY.
Your name is UBLICH DOPANT and as far as you can tell you are at least 9 SWEEPS old. Your blood is PURPLE and as such you are expected to be an enforcer of sorts for the royal caste. However, you've taken to a life of isolation. You've felt your time and efforts could be best spent on perfecting your craft as an APOTHECRUELTY. Hm...I'd try to find a different term than apothecruelty, simply because that sounds like more of an adverb or an adjective than a title. So you have little to no involvement in Highblood-Royalblood relations, yet. You spend countless nights and sleepless days toiling away inside your insidious HIVE trying to uncover the secrets of Alternia's ORGANIC population. This, of course includes the troll population.

Speaking of your hive you are cozily located far from prying eyes in your SWAMP. Where your only worry are the odd flarper that ventures too deep and the filthy gypsies that hide away in it. A few of which who have become subjects for your EXPERIMENTS. For the sake of PROGRESS, nothing can be considered too heinous or immoral. In fact, you seem to have thrown morality completely out the metaphorical window. This lack of medical morals has left some with a poor OPINION of you. Calling you such things as DEVIL and INSANE behind closed doors.

Let none say you never gave your VICTIMS a chance, though. You fancied yourself a GAMBLING troll and always let them attempt a chance at winning their LIVES back. This generally involved traditional games of your region. Poker, black jack, dice, and roulette respectively. You not only were GOOD at them but were a skilled CHEATER as well. You have yet to lose a bet so far. But you are not always so lucky as to get a victim. Sometimes progress can't wait for luck to go your way and you've been forced to EXPERIMENT upon YOURSELF.

Experimenting on yourself has taken a harsh toll on your HEALTH. PAIN of experimenting on yourself became too much for you. In an act of DESPERATION you had tweaked your nerves resulting in the inability to FEEL anything. A mistake you still REGRET to this day. Your tainted body continues on even further with your proud and noble purple blood becoming tainted and harmful. Any contact with it from anyone other than you would quickly find themselves numb and paralyzed temporarily.

At some point in your life you've taken a hobby of HABERDASHERY, enjoying the crafting of fine HEADWEAR (unless of course he is selling fine headwares :P). It was a coping mechanism for when you've become frustrated with work. But soon grew into another horrible obsession, The method you used was ARCHAIC at best and the chemicals used has cause you to take on the symptoms of MAD HATTER disease. Your body left weaker than the regular Highblood and your pan hazy and confused at times.

With your memory dwindling because of this, what was once filled with childhood joys soon were replaced by formulae and mathematics. Your own age even escapes you now. Only thing keeping you together being the dates you keep on every JOURNAL.

Despite your disabilities, you fancy yourself a ROMANTIC. But alas, you have quadrants as bare as a red-blood's pantry. However most recently a dubious troll has stolen your SPADE. This particular troll is the first ever to fall into your hive-trap and ESCAPE. Not only damaging your EGO but also breaking your HORN in the process. You've taken to dedicating your self to hunting down this troll and evening the score.

While unfortunate as your chance encounter with this wretched troll was, it was about time you left your hive. So many sweeps and nary a QUADRANT? It was about time you squared them away and dodge the inevitable drone bullet heading your way. With your proper demeanor and sly talking who could RESIST a troll such as you anyways? None you could think of anyways!

In your lonesome quadrant and friendless life, you've come to find comfort in lady luck and an actual spiritual guidance. Your DECK OF PLAYING CARDS being your most favorite possession. You've gone so far as to make them your Strife Specibus. Giving you a keen aim and nimble wrists. Your nimbleness further improved by your love of tricks and the art of SLEIGHT-OF-HAND. In fact you rely on your deft hands all the time with your SLEIGHT-OF-HAND Modus. Though, sometimes it becomes a burden when you find your self pulling out, once again, 20ft of tied together handkerchiefs or a dead hopbeast. You swear you've never captchalogued them and yet there they are.

Your trolltag is confusedHaberdasher and you type “[|:| slyly with a slight HATtention to HATs, mon ami.” while your laughter can be heard echoing in the swamps.

Crits in red, spelling in blue buuuuut...yeah, I see nothing explicitly wrong here! Like, a few spelling things but other than that it's damned good. I'd say the biggest thing is that it's long. My advice is that you oughta cut out some of the fat and merge the paragraphs together a bit. Otherwise, yeah! It's great.

alright on to the next one

(08-06-2013 05:11 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  Thanks for the crit I've been getting on my profiles so far! Here's another one.

[Image: Bored.png][Image: NhavanMini.png]

Your name is NHAVAN PRANYA and you are a little OBSESSIVE, but completely HARMLESS to everyone you encounter. Age, I guess, since it's a thing.

You are one of the rare KIND trolls on Alternia. You pride yourself on being GENTLE and absolutely love to make friends! You tend to be very COMPLIMENTARY toward other trolls, whether they be above or below you on the hemospectrum. It's better to keep other trolls happy, after all!

Okay, so most of that is an ACT, but it is an integral part to why the hell a troll like you is still ALIVE on this planet. When you were a young wriggler, you discovered that you're REALLY NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE ON ALTERNIA. You are very small and not physically strong at all. You're not even that fast of a runner. You seem very much like you are NOT A THREAT at all to anyone. The one thing that you were blessed with is a very clever mind. You can easily analyze a social situation to discover another troll's weak points, and you keep those weak points stored in your brain just in case you ever need to make use of them. Thanks to the teachings of your lusus and your own intelligence, you've honed yourself into an EFFECTIVE KILLER.

MOMMA PORTIA, your giant spider lusus, taught you how to HUNT other trolls by gaining their trust and learning their weaknesses, and then TRAPPING and KILLING them when they least expect it. You don't kill every troll you meet, of course, as that would be stupid, but you make sure you know how if you ever need to. Everyone around you could become a THREAT to your survival at any moment, even a quadrant! Everyone must be EXPENDABLE, no matter how attached you get. Except your lusus. Momma Portia takes very good care of you and you couldn't ask for a better lusus, even if it meant that your simple hive in the valley wouldn't be so full of spiderwebs anymore. You're pretty used to the webs by now, really.

So does she ever really allow herself to get close to people? I mean I suppose it might be possible she could have contingency plans just in case her feelings do get in the way of anything, right?

When not VETTING the trolls around you, you pour yourself into your WRITING. You write and sell trashy TROLLMANCE NOVELS, and you're constantly on the lookout for inspiration for your next novel! You carry around a NOTEBOOK with you at all times which you use to write down anything interesting that you see when you're out and about. Alongside your love of romance in your stories, you also love real life romance! You think seeing troll couples is just so cute, and you find yourself SHIPPING trolls that you know together. You keep your shipping notebook constantly updated, and even draw FANART of your ships! You like to dabble in all artistic pursuits, after all, although most trolls would say that your SINGING and DRAWING are better done in private and never shared with anyone.

You fight with NETKIND, using large nets woven from your lusus' silk. It's a specibus designed for trapping rather than direct combat, which fits your usual methods perfectly. You also keep simple old KNIFEKIND handy for when you actually have to kill somebody. Your fetch modus is the SHIPPING MODUS, which requires you to put two or more items in your sylladex into a quadrant based on their characteristics. It's a little annoying because those items can only be withdrawn together, but you think it can be kinda fun sometimes.

Your trolltag is neuroticNovelist and you Tend to shpheak in a very shopht tone oph voice.

tl;dr
Name: Nhavan Pranya
Age: 7.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 4'10"
Blood Color: Faded Indigo (#816FA6)
Trolltag: neuroticNovelist
Quirk: s = sh, p = ph, f = ph
Lusus: Portia Spider
Specibus: netkind, knifekind
Title: Knight of Breath

Nothing really wrong here either! Honestly, she's really well thought-out, so I say she's good to go here!



Man, I need to be more nitpick-y, don't I.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
08-08-2013, 09:01 AM (This post was last modified: 08-08-2013 09:02 AM by Overlard.)
Post: #143
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-07-2013 09:27 AM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  I don't know what anti-alising is. I used MS Paint I'm afraid. The hair is admittedly atrocious, but I just can't be happy with it, either the tuffs don't work or there's too much, etc.

Anti-aliasing is basically a function in most art programs that makes everything you draw kinda fuzzy. Sprites should use hard edges, so everything looks pixelly. To see the difference in MSPaint, use the brush tool to draw a line, then draw a line with the pencil tool. The pencil isn't anti-aliased, while the brush tool is.

Now, you can make really good sprites with MSPaint (and for your first time, that was really good as Tes stated!) but you should consider using something like GIMP or Paint.Net instead. I recommend Paint.Net since it's more user friendly than GIMP is to start with. In both of them you're able to toggle anti-aliasing, unlike in MSPaint. Plus you can work with layers and have a lot more undo options.

Your best bet for fixing the hair, in my opinion, is zooming in close and using the eraser and pencil tools to smooth everything out. Make everything look like it has a defined edge and such, like the other sprites in the thread.

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-08-2013, 09:16 AM (This post was last modified: 08-08-2013 10:00 AM by MQuinny1234.)
Post: #144
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Oh, er...actually, paint.net is what I have. I keep thinking they're the same as ms paint, sorry. Blurgh. Where can I toggle it off?

Edit. http://i699.photobucket.com/albums/vv358...32a412.png
That good enough? I don't think I can make it much better really.

“One day you wake up and realize the world can be conquered.” - Doctor Impossible
Reply
08-08-2013, 10:07 AM
Post: #145
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-08-2013 09:16 AM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  Oh, er...actually, paint.net is what I have. I keep thinking they're the same as ms paint, sorry. Blurgh. Where can I toggle it off?

Edit. http://i699.photobucket.com/albums/vv358...32a412.png
That good enough? I don't think I can make it much better really.

It's not like we have a "minimum sprite quality" requirement :V It looks fine for basic use, but you could always go back and improve it.

To toggle anti-aliasing on Paint.Net, switch to the paintbrush and then look at your tool bar. Next to the Fill options/dropdown box, there should be a beaker and two blue boxes connected by a line.

Click the blue box icon so that the boxes are hollow rather than filled. That's the anti-alias toggle. (and it'll default to on every time you open Paint.Net, by the way)

You may want to consider adding the broken nub of the other horn somewhere on the sprite too, else people might think your troll only has one horn by mistake.

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-08-2013, 10:32 AM
Post: #146
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-08-2013 09:16 AM)MQuinny1234 Wrote:  Oh, er...actually, paint.net is what I have. I keep thinking they're the same as ms paint, sorry. Blurgh. Where can I toggle it off?

Edit. http://i699.photobucket.com/albums/vv358...32a412.png
That good enough? I don't think I can make it much better really.

You can also take it to the sprite surgeon later, too. If you feel like waiting a million years on silvy. I swear2godillgetheronedaywiththetablejustslamboomrightintothefuckingtablegodfuckn​igshit.

The only important quote ever. Thanks to Silvy.
Quote:[6:46:52 PM] Kinky Kaity.: jokes on you i am a snobby elitist cunt
Quote:[6:31:58 PM] •Silvdexter•: prove that you are the patties daddy
Reply
08-09-2013, 03:32 PM
Post: #147
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
You are now Nullam Extrem a 8 sweep old Yellow Blooded Troll that is probably too laid back for your own good. You always dress the same, With your long sleeve grey shirt and the black one on top that has your symbol on it, also you never forget to leave the house without your favorite Toque. That would just ruin your night!

Like it's already been said, you're really laid back. Only things that really get you moving is Skateboarding, Amateur Films and Food. You always feel at peace on your Skateboard, It's how you like to clear your already translucent mind if anything is bugging you. It also works as a great way to travel. But when you want to actually put your mind to work you like to enjoy and take part in Amateur films, When you and a couple friends make a video about "lowbloods from the dead" or something you have a blast. Doing anything though is only good cause of when you get hungry. What can you say you love food! Though it's never food in general, You usually move on from food to food. One week it's fries, the other it's pancakes.

Did you also say you have a psychic power? Cause you do, you're the unlucky owner of the power to reduce a trolls psychic resistance. Though only through touch. Unfortunately it also has a side effect of long exposure in that it will numb a troll mentally. Though after 8 sweeps the most damage it's done to you is made you very chillaxed. You suspect that you are a bit resistant to it's mind numbing effects but you're not really sure since you've never cared to test it out on another troll.

If someone were to examine your life they would notice that you always go with the flow of things. listening to those of higher blood, Helping your fellow lowbloods that aren't a waste in the gene pool and generally just dealing with whatever comes along never planning ahead for things. You're probably going to end up either dead without quadrants at the age of 10 or in a really ordinary position in the fleet, not that it would bother you that much.

Actually even without your power having you numbed down, you still would have at least been a calmer troll thanks to your Sloth lusus, Sloth dad Taught you that having something to clear your mind and relax is important after all. He just didn't expect you to take up the hobby's you did. Now he mainly sits around your hivestem spouting off lessons to nobody. Guess he still hasn't caught up to the fact you're not in your hive as much as you used to be.

Just because you're chillaxed doesn't mean you don't defend yourself though. If anyone were to mess with you all you gotta do is kick up your skateboard and use it since it falls nicely into your Boardkind Specibus. Sure it's not the most effective thing to fight with but it leaves you at least something to fight with.

You don't have a lot of things in life thanks to your position in the spectrum. But what you do have that you care about is your skateboard and your video camera. You never let your skateboard leave your sight, and on some nights it doesn't ever leave your hands or feet for more then a half second, and you keep your video camera in your ridiculously hard to open Trick List modus. Your modus requires that you do a set of tricks on your skateboard in a predetermined set before you can get the item you want. Luckily it's always the same set of tricks so you can memorize it and not accidentally open it up well you are clearing your mind.

On trollian you go by cinemaShredder and Yo brah, you just talk like one of those gnarly dudes that solidified your favorite sport man!
Reply
08-09-2013, 04:43 PM
Post: #148
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-09-2013 03:32 PM)Overnightfuture Wrote:  You are now Nullam Extrem a 8 sweep old Yellow Blooded Troll that is probably too laid back for your own good.
You always dress the same, With your long sleeve grey shirt and the black one on top that has your symbol on it, also you never forget to leave the house without your favorite Toque. That would just ruin your night! Is there any reason why he likes the toque so much?

Like it's already been said, you're really laid back. Only things that really get you moving is Skateboarding, Amateur Films and Food. You always feel at peace on your Skateboard, It's how you like to clear your already translucent mind if anything is bugging you. Skateboarding isn't exactly a very relaxing way to travel. It requires at least some concentration not to fall off or trip over something, and doing any form of "trick" on one definitely isn't relaxing. Not even an ollie. It also works as a great way to travel. As long as he never ever goes across dirt, I suppose. But when you want to actually put your mind to work you like to enjoy and take part in Amateur films, When you and a couple friends make a video about "lowbloods from the dead" or something you have a blast. What does he do with the movies? Does he keep them or just toss them out? Doing anything though is only good cause of when you get hungry. What can you say you love food! Though it's never food in general, You usually move on from food to food. One week it's fries, the other it's pancakes. So does this have any affect him from lack of consistent nutrition?

Did you also say you have a psychic power? Cause you do, you're the unlucky owner of the power to reduce a trolls psychic resistance. Though only through touch. Unfortunately it also has a side effect of long exposure in that it will numb a troll mentally. Though after 8 sweeps the most damage it's done to you is made you very chillaxed. You suspect that you are a bit resistant to it's mind numbing effects but you're not really sure since you've never cared to test it out on another troll.

If someone were to examine your life they would notice that you always go with the flow of things. Listening to those of higher blood, helping your fellow lowbloods that aren't a waste in the gene pool ,and generally just dealing with whatever comes along, never planning ahead for things. You're probably going to end up either dead without quadrants at the age of 10 or in a really ordinary position in the fleet, not that it would bother you that much. If he's so far gone that he doesn't care if he dies from lack of quadrants, what's stopping him from ticking off a highblood and getting culled for it without caring?

Actually even without your power having you numbed down, you still would have at least been a calmer troll thanks to your Sloth lusus, Sloth dad taught you that having something to clear your mind and relax is important after all. He just didn't expect you to take up the hobbies you did. Now he mainly sits around your hivestem spouting off lessons to nobody. Guess he still hasn't caught up to the fact you're not in your hive as much as you used to be.

Just because you're chillaxed doesn't mean you don't defend yourself though. If anyone were to mess with you all you gotta do is kick up your skateboard and use it since it falls nicely into your Boardkind Specibus. Sure it's not the most effective thing to fight with but it leaves you at least something to fight with.

You don't have a lot of things in life thanks to your position in the spectrum. But what you do have that you care about is your skateboard and your video camera. You never let your skateboard leave your sight, and on some nights it doesn't ever leave your hands or feet for more then a half second, Given his strife specibus, he could easily just keep it in his strife deck and you keep your video camera in your ridiculously hard to open Trick List modus. Your modus requires that you do a set of tricks on your skateboard in a predetermined set before you can get the item you want. Luckily it's always the same set of tricks so you can memorize it and not accidentally open it up while you are clearing your mind.

On trollian you go by cinemaShredder and Yo brah, you just talk like one of those gnarly dudes that solidified your favorite sport man!

This troll does sound interesting, it just needs a tiny bit more fleshing out. Think of what he does with his interests and how it affects him. Keep in mind just how "relaxed" he should be. If he's so relaxed to the point of not caring about getting killed via lack of quadrants, I somehow doubt he'd care that much if someone tried to kill him.

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-09-2013, 05:13 PM
Post: #149
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Here's a second go at it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
You are now Nullam Extrem a 8 sweep old Yellow Blooded Troll that is probably too laid back for your own good. You always dress the same, With your long sleeve grey shirt and the black one on top that has your symbol on it, also you never forget to leave the house without your favorite Toque. That would just ruin your night!

Like it's already been said, you're really laid back. Only things that really get you moving is Skateboarding, Amateur Films and Food. You always feel at peace on your Skateboard, It's how you like to clear your already translucent mind if anything is bugging you, let your sort your thoughts and relive stress. It also works as a great way to travel around the city streets. But when you want to actually put your mind to work you like to enjoy and take part in Amateur films, When you and a couple friends make a video about "lowbloods from the dead" or something you have a blast. After you're done these movies you like to try to show em off to friends, till eventually they loose their flair and you leave them hanging about in your hivestem. Doing anything though is only good cause of when you get hungry. What can you say you love food! Though you try to eat balanced meals you usually end up eating a more of one food item then another. Though what that food item is changes frequently. One week it's fries, the other it's pancakes.

Did you also say you have a psychic power? Cause you do, you're the unlucky owner of the power to reduce a trolls psychic resistance. Though only through touch. Unfortunately it also has a side effect of long exposure in that it will numb a troll mentally. Though after 8 sweeps the most damage it's done to you is made you very chillaxed. You suspect that you are a bit resistant to it's mind numbing effects but you're not really sure since you've never cared to test it out on another troll.

If someone were to examine your life they would notice that you always go with the flow of things. Listening to those of higher blood, helping your fellow lowbloods that aren't a waste in the gene pool and generally just dealing with whatever comes along never planning ahead for things. You're probably going to end up in a really ordinary position in the fleet because of that, not that it would bother you that much.

Actually even without your power having you numbed down, you still would have at least been a calmer troll thanks to your Sloth lusus, Sloth dad Taught you that having something to clear your mind and relax is important after all. He just didn't expect you to take up the hobby's you did. Now he mainly sits around your hivestem spouting off lessons to nobody. Guess he still hasn't caught up to the fact you're not in your hive as much as you used to be.

Just because you're chillaxed doesn't mean you don't defend yourself though. If anyone were to mess with you all you gotta do is kick up your skateboard and use it since it falls nicely into your Boardkind Specibus. Sure it's not the most effective thing to fight with but it leaves you at least something to fight with.

You don't have a lot of things in life thanks to your position in the spectrum. But what you do have that you care about is your skateboard and your video camera. You never let go of your skateboard unless you're leaving it in your strife specibus, even if you'd rather keep it on you, and you keep your video camera in your ridiculously hard to open Trick List modus. Your modus requires that you do a set of tricks on your skateboard in a predetermined set before you can get the item you want. Luckily it's always the same set of tricks so you can memorize it and not accidentally open it up well you are clearing your mind.

On trollian you go by cinemaShredder and Yo brah, you just talk like one of those gnarly dudes that solidified your favorite sport man!
Reply
08-10-2013, 09:42 AM
Post: #150
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Okay so I don't have a proper sprite right now but Yani drew a picture of my troll. Here it is: http://i.imgur.com/DekT9pO.jpg

Anyway, here's my latest troll! I've already gotten some private critique, but some actual critique in this thread would be great.

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Be the obnoxious little thief.

i dont know what obnoxious means but im not a thief!

Instead, be the wrigglerish kleptomaniac.

thats better!

Your name is PICELA FELTAE, you are only 5 SWEEPS OLD and you just can’t stop STEALING things.

You are a BROWNBLOOD, which means you’re pretty damn LOW on the hemospectrum. You follow the hemospectrum AS MUCH AS YOU CAN so you don’t get culled, but a CERTAIN CONDITION that you have may make trolls think OTHERWISE! This certain condition you happen to have is KLEPTOMANIA. Coincidently, you have a POWER that HELPS you with your kleptomania, as long as you keep to 'borrowing' SMALLER objects. What is your power? Your power allows you to BEND LIGHT on things, making them COMPLETELY INVISIBLE, but you can only do it on items smaller than your HEAD, otherwise you'll TIRE yourself out TOO MUCH! Of course, people can STILL TOUCH the invisible object, which can make things AWKWARD if you do it to an item someone is HOLDING. Any items you successfully steal is STASHED AWAY inside your HIVE. You make a DECENT PROFIT selling the things you DON'T WANT, giving you ENOUGH money to buy food and a FEW OTHER THINGS too. Thankfully, you DON'T get caught OFTEN, because you’re SURPRISINGLY SKILLED at taking items from others. This is both thanks to your power and your LUSUS, a MAGPIE. Magmom always seems to steal the SHINIEST items from your hive, even if you THINK they’re hidden away SAFELY! You’ve gotten a lot of EXPERIENCE from stealing the items back, though.

Stealing isn’t the ONLY thing you do, however. You have a fascination with DRAWING, even though you are absolutely AWFUL at it. The main reason you got into drawing to begin with is because you STARTED A PICTURE DIARY. You also have a REALLY BIG PROJECT going on that you will NOT GIVE UP on whatever happens. This is your ITEM CATALOGUE. You want to keep a REALLY BIG BOOK with a PICTURE and DESCRIPTION of EACH ITEM you’ve stolen. When you’re not stealing stuff from other trolls or drawing terrible pictures, you’re sitting down and watching the FIDUSPAWN TV SHOW like the FANGIRL you are. You’ve WATCHED this show since you were younger and you STILL WATCH IT now. You even COLLECT fiduspawn yourself and even watch OTHER SHOWS similar to fiduspawn. You CHALLENGE a few trolls now and then, but most people you run into are either highbloods or trolls that DON'T PLAY IT themselves, which is a REAL BUMMER sometimes.

In terms of PERSONALITY, you’ve been described as someone who is quite SOCIAL. You always hang around LOWBLOODS and like talking with them, often HAPPY if you’ve stolen something RECENTLY, but STRESSED or MOODY if you HAVEN'T. You're not JUST social to EASE THEM UP so that stealing is EASIER, but because you’re always CURIOUS about things you DO NOT KNOW like BIG WORDS, COMPLICATED MACHINERY and QUADRANTS. You have absolutely NO QUADRANT EXPERIENCE and you don’t really know how to go about GETTING ONE. You’re also EASILY IMPRESSED by other trolls because of your CURIOSITY. Most of the time, you have a troll who is a ROLE MODEL for you, someone you want to be as COOL or as SMART as. This has led you to be EASILY INFLUENCED by others, often BELIEVING what other people say, which can lead to people TRICKING you into doing something BAD. You HATE trickery, as it’s basically people taking ADVANTAGE of you in a VERBAL MANNER.

You happen to have the DRAW modus. All you have to do is DRAW the item to get it out of your captcha deck. If you FAIL to draw the item SOMEWHAT ACCURATELY, the item is put into LOCKDOWN for a few MINUTES. Sadly, this is LIKELY to happen, because you SUCK at drawing. In a tight spot, you have your trusty rifleKind strife specibus! No, it’s not an ACTUAL RIFLE. It’s a MODIFIED PAINTBALL RIFLE you stole that can SHOOT MARBLES. You DIDN'T modify the rifle YOURSELF, you simply got SOMEONE ELSE to do it for you in return for giving his PRIZED POSESSION back. You’re a pretty SLOW RELOADER though and the clip can only hold 5 MARBLES EACH, but you’ll MANAGE.

When you talk on trollian, your trolltag is juvenileLarceny and you dont know that many big words and you only know the upside down pointy stick and curly pointy stick when you say stuff and you also have a habit of copying the quirks of the trolls that you look up to!

TL;DR
Name: Picela Feltae.

Age: 5 sweeps. (Roughly 11 years)

Gender: Female.

Power(If applicable): Allows her to bend light on a small object, making it invisible. Using this power on an object bigger than her head is too much strain for her. (Amplified allows her to make herself or another troll near her completely invisible)

Blood Color: Brownblood. #663300

Strife Specibus: rifleKind. (A modified paintball rifle that fires marbles)

Fetch Modus: Draw - User has to draw the item they want to get it. Failure to draw a somewhat accurate picture will cause the item to become unavailable for a few minutes.

Lusus: Magpie.

Trolltag: juvenileLarceny.

Quirk: Never uses punctuation except ! and ?, has a limited vocabulary and mimics part of her favourite troll’s quirk.

Defining Qualities: Impressionable, Kleptomaniac, Young.

Hobbies/Interests: Stealing/hoarding small items, drawing, fiduspawn/similar TV shows.

Dislikes: Trickery, pressure from her kleptomania, being confused, bullies.

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yani iS HORRIFYING
[01:20:27] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿)
[01:20:39] Beren the Omnibear: asdf u look like ur about to fukkin murder me in my sleep
[01:20:51] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I see you.
[01:20:55] Beren the Omnibear: ASDFGJFG
[01:20:56] Beren the Omnibear: NO
[01:20:57] Beren the Omnibear: STAHP
[01:21:09] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I am going to take your fucking eyes.
[01:21:16] Beren the Omnibear: AJFJUEDJFJFK
[01:21:18] Beren the Omnibear: NOOOO
[01:21:20] Beren the Omnibear: GET AWAY
[01:21:21] Beren the Omnibear: NO STAHP
[01:21:44] Mechromancer: <(⊙‿⊙<✿) come to me..!!
[01:21:55] Beren the Omnibear: NO PLEASE GET AYWYWYAYYWAYY
[01:21:57] Beren the Omnibear: AWAYAYYYYAYYY
[01:22:09] Beren the Omnibear: Beren the Omnibear RUNSS THEHHH FUCK AYWYAY

silvy's victory d
[02:15:58] •Silvdexter•: i have the victory d
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