Trollslum Critique Thread
08-11-2013, 01:58 AM
Post: #151
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-10-2013 09:42 AM)HydraReaper Wrote:  Be the obnoxious little thief.

i dont know what obnoxious means but im not a thief!

Instead, be the wrigglerish kleptomaniac.

thats better!

Your name is PICELA FELTAE, you are only 5 SWEEPS OLD and you just can’t stop STEALING things.

You are a BROWNBLOOD, which means you’re pretty damn LOW on the hemospectrum. You follow the hemospectrum AS MUCH AS YOU CAN so you don’t get culled, but a CERTAIN CONDITION that you have may make trolls think OTHERWISE! This certain condition you happen to have is KLEPTOMANIA. Be careful when applying actual conditions to characters. If it must be labeled as this, make sure to do some research. Coincidently, you have a POWER that HELPS you with your kleptomania, as long as you keep to 'borrowing' SMALLER objects. What is your power? Your power allows you to BEND LIGHT on things, making them COMPLETELY INVISIBLE, but you can only do it on items smaller than your HEAD, otherwise you'll TIRE yourself out TOO MUCH! Of course, people can STILL TOUCH the invisible object, which can make things AWKWARD if you do it to an item someone is HOLDING. Any items you successfully steal is STASHED AWAY inside your HIVE. You make a DECENT PROFIT selling the things you DON'T WANT, giving you ENOUGH money to buy food and a FEW OTHER THINGS too. Thankfully, you DON'T get caught OFTEN, because you’re SURPRISINGLY SKILLED at taking items from others. This is both thanks to your power and your LUSUS, a MAGPIE. Magmom always seems to steal the SHINIEST items from your hive, even if you THINK they’re hidden away SAFELY! You’ve gotten a lot of EXPERIENCE from stealing the items back, though. So it's just an endless war between Picela and her lusus of stealing things? Seems like it may get tiresome. If that's what you mean. Not a problem, I'm just commenting on it.

Stealing isn’t the ONLY thing you do, however. You have a fascination with DRAWING, even though you are absolutely AWFUL at it. The main reason you got into drawing to begin with is because you STARTED A PICTURE DIARY. You also have a REALLY BIG PROJECT going on that you will NOT GIVE UP on whatever happens. This is your ITEM CATALOGUE. You want to keep a REALLY BIG BOOK with a PICTURE and DESCRIPTION of EACH ITEM you’ve stolen. When you’re not stealing stuff from other trolls or drawing terrible pictures, you’re sitting down and watching the FIDUSPAWN TV SHOW like the FANGIRL you are. You’ve WATCHED this show since you were younger and you STILL WATCH IT now. You even COLLECT fiduspawn yourself and even watch OTHER SHOWS similar to fiduspawn. You CHALLENGE a few trolls now and then, but most people you run into are either highbloods or trolls that DON'T PLAY IT themselves, which is a REAL BUMMER sometimes.

In terms of PERSONALITY, you’ve been described as someone who is quite SOCIAL. You always hang around LOWBLOODS and like talking with them, often HAPPY if you’ve stolen something RECENTLY, but STRESSED or MOODY if you HAVEN'T. Does she ever run into trouble by socializing with all the crazed inhabitants of murder mania Alternia? You're not JUST social to EASE THEM UP so that stealing is EASIER, but because you’re always CURIOUS about things you DO NOT KNOW, like BIG WORDS, COMPLICATED MACHINERY and QUADRANTS. You have absolutely NO QUADRANT EXPERIENCE and you don’t really know how to go about GETTING ONE. You’re also EASILY IMPRESSED by other trolls because of your CURIOSITY. Most of the time, you have a troll who is a ROLE MODEL for you, someone you want to be as COOL or as SMART as. This has led you to be EASILY INFLUENCED by others, often BELIEVING what other people say, which can lead to people TRICKING you into doing something BAD. You HATE trickery, as it’s basically people taking ADVANTAGE of you in a VERBAL MANNER. Kind of ironic, seeing as her power relies on a physical form of this. Or maybe that was intentional?

You happen to have the DRAW modus. All you have to do is DRAW the item to get it out of your captcha deck. If you FAIL to draw the item SOMEWHAT ACCURATELY, the item is put into LOCKDOWN for a few MINUTES. Sadly, this is LIKELY to happen, because you SUCK at drawing. In a tight spot, you have your trusty rifleKind strife specibus! No, it’s not an ACTUAL RIFLE. It’s a MODIFIED PAINTBALL RIFLE you stole that can SHOOT MARBLES. You DIDN'T modify the rifle YOURSELF, you simply got SOMEONE ELSE to do it for you in return for giving his PRIZED POSESSION back. You’re a pretty SLOW RELOADER though and the clip can only hold 5 MARBLES EACH, but you’ll MANAGE.

When you talk on trollian, your trolltag is juvenileLarceny and you dont know that many big words and you only know the upside down pointy stick and curly pointy stick when you say stuff and you also have a habit of copying the quirks of the trolls that you look up to!

TL;DR
Name: Picela Feltae.

Age: 5 sweeps. (Roughly 11 years)

Gender: Female.

Power(If applicable): Allows her to bend light on a small object, making it invisible. Using this power on an object bigger than her head is too much strain for her. (Amplified allows her to make herself or another troll near her completely invisible)

Blood Color: Brownblood. #663300

Strife Specibus: rifleKind. (A modified paintball rifle that fires marbles)

Fetch Modus: Draw - User has to draw the item they want to get it. Failure to draw a somewhat accurate picture will cause the item to become unavailable for a few minutes.

Lusus: Magpie.

Trolltag: juvenileLarceny.

Quirk: Never uses punctuation except ! and ?, has a limited vocabulary and mimics part of her favourite troll’s quirk.

Defining Qualities: Impressionable, Kleptomaniac, Young.

Hobbies/Interests: Stealing/hoarding small items, drawing, fiduspawn/similar TV shows.

Dislikes: Trickery, pressure from her kleptomania, being confused, bullies.

Overall this seems like it could work, but be cautious with both the Kleptomania and her age. As a side note, try not to CAPITALIZE so many words. It's important for emphasis on activities or nouns, but not every other word.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
08-11-2013, 04:23 AM
Post: #152
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-10-2013 09:42 AM)HydraReaper Wrote:  Okay so I don't have a proper sprite right now but Yani drew a picture of my troll. Here it is: http://i.imgur.com/DekT9pO.jpg

Anyway, here's my latest troll! I've already gotten some private critique, but some actual critique in this thread would be great.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Be the obnoxious little thief.

i dont know what obnoxious means but im not a thief!

Instead, be the wrigglerish kleptomaniac.

thats better!

Your name is PICELA FELTAE, you are only 5 SWEEPS OLD and you just can’t stop STEALING things. Why make her so young? You should probably make her at least six sweeps, as wrigglers aren't generally encouraged in the cafe setting.

You are a BROWNBLOOD, which means you’re pretty damn LOW on the hemospectrum. You follow the hemospectrum AS MUCH AS YOU CAN so you don’t get culled, but a CERTAIN CONDITION that you have may make trolls think OTHERWISE! This certain condition you happen to have is KLEPTOMANIA. Make sure you're familiar with actual kleptomania before putting it into a character in order to portray her accurately. Coincidentally, you have a POWER that HELPS you with your kleptomania, as long as you keep to 'borrowing' SMALLER objects. What is your power? Your power allows you to BEND LIGHT on things, making them COMPLETELY INVISIBLE, but you can only do it on items smaller than your HEAD, otherwise you'll TIRE yourself out TOO MUCH! Of course, people can STILL TOUCH the invisible object, which can make things AWKWARD if you do it to an item someone is HOLDING. Any items you successfully steal is STASHED AWAY inside your HIVE. You make a DECENT PROFIT selling the things you DON'T WANT, giving you ENOUGH money to buy food and a FEW OTHER THINGS too. Thankfully, you DON'T get caught OFTEN, because you’re SURPRISINGLY SKILLED at taking items from others. This is both thanks to your power and your LUSUS, a MAGPIE. Magmom always seems to steal the SHINIEST items from your hive, even if you THINK they’re hidden away SAFELY! You’ve gotten a lot of EXPERIENCE from stealing the items back, though. Her power gives some reasoning why she can steal so much without getting caught, but is she aware of how dangerous her stealing is? Being such a small lowblood, if she's caught stealing from a highblood she'd probably be killed.

Stealing isn’t the ONLY thing you do, however. You have a fascination with DRAWING, even though you are absolutely AWFUL at it. The main reason you got into drawing to begin with is because you STARTED A PICTURE DIARY. You also have a REALLY BIG PROJECT going on that you will NOT GIVE UP on whatever happens. This is your ITEM CATALOGUE. You want to keep a REALLY BIG BOOK with a PICTURE and DESCRIPTION of EACH ITEM you’ve stolen. When you’re not stealing stuff from other trolls or drawing terrible pictures, you’re sitting down and watching the FIDUSPAWN TV SHOW like the FANGIRL you are. You’ve WATCHED this show since you were younger and you STILL WATCH IT now. You even COLLECT fiduspawn yourself and even watch OTHER SHOWS similar to fiduspawn. You CHALLENGE a few trolls now and then, but most people you run into are either highbloods or trolls that DON'T PLAY IT themselves, which is a REAL BUMMER sometimes.

In terms of PERSONALITY, you’ve been described as someone who is quite SOCIAL. You always hang around LOWBLOODS and like talking with them, often HAPPY if you’ve stolen something RECENTLY, but STRESSED or MOODY if you HAVEN'T. You're not JUST social to EASE THEM UP so that stealing is EASIER, but because you’re always CURIOUS about things you DO NOT KNOW like BIG WORDS, COMPLICATED MACHINERY and QUADRANTS. You have absolutely NO QUADRANT EXPERIENCE and you don’t really know how to go about GETTING ONE. You’re also EASILY IMPRESSED by other trolls because of your CURIOSITY. Most of the time, you have a troll who is a ROLE MODEL for you, someone you want to be as COOL or as SMART as. This has led you to be EASILY INFLUENCED by others, often BELIEVING what other people say, which can lead to people TRICKING you into doing something BAD. You HATE trickery, as it’s basically people taking ADVANTAGE of you in a VERBAL MANNER.

You happen to have the DRAW modus. All you have to do is DRAW the item to get it out of your captcha deck. If you FAIL to draw the item SOMEWHAT ACCURATELY, the item is put into LOCKDOWN for a few MINUTES. Sadly, this is LIKELY to happen, because you SUCK at drawing. In a tight spot, you have your trusty rifleKind strife specibus! No, it’s not an ACTUAL RIFLE. It’s a MODIFIED PAINTBALL RIFLE you stole that can SHOOT MARBLES. You DIDN'T modify the rifle YOURSELF, you simply got SOMEONE ELSE to do it for you in return for giving his PRIZED POSESSION back. You’re a pretty SLOW RELOADER though and the clip can only hold 5 MARBLES EACH, but you’ll MANAGE.

When you talk on trollian, your trolltag is juvenileLarceny Is she proud of her thievery? Why would she include it in her trolltag? and you dont know that many big words and you only know the upside down pointy stick and curly pointy stick when you say stuff and you also have a habit of copying the quirks of the trolls that you look up to!

How does she survive? A small, young lowblood like her who spends a lot of time around other trolls seems like a prime culling target, especially considering that canonically paint is made from wriggler blood.

Go back through the profile and remember to only capitalize words that require EMPHASIS. You capitalize so many words that the capitalization loses its effect.


TL;DR
Name: Picela Feltae.

Age: 5 sweeps. (Roughly 11 years)

Gender: Female.

Power(If applicable): Allows her to bend light on a small object, making it invisible. Using this power on an object bigger than her head is too much strain for her. (Amplified allows her to make herself or another troll near her completely invisible)

Blood Color: Brownblood. #663300

Strife Specibus: rifleKind. (A modified paintball rifle that fires marbles)

Fetch Modus: Draw - User has to draw the item they want to get it. Failure to draw a somewhat accurate picture will cause the item to become unavailable for a few minutes.

Lusus: Magpie.

Trolltag: juvenileLarceny.

Quirk: Never uses punctuation except ! and ?, has a limited vocabulary and mimics part of her favourite troll’s quirk.

Defining Qualities: Impressionable, Kleptomaniac, Young.

Hobbies/Interests: Stealing/hoarding small items, drawing, fiduspawn/similar TV shows.

Dislikes: Trickery, pressure from her kleptomania, being confused, bullies.

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-11-2013, 05:03 AM (This post was last modified: 08-11-2013 05:33 AM by HydraReaper.)
Post: #153
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Response to ZeronFX's crit.

(08-11-2013 01:58 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  Be careful when applying actual conditions to characters. If it must be labeled as this, make sure to do some research.

I have actually researched Kleptomania so I do know what I am doing. As proof, here's two snippets from the characteristics of Kleptomania:

"Escalating sense of pressure immediately prior to performing the theft"

Notice how it said that Picela gets stressed and her mood turns sour if she goes a while without stealing something? That's how I interpret this sentence. I may be a bit wrong though.

"Satisfaction, fulfillment or relief at the point of performing the theft"

Picela feels much more satisfied and she brightens up upon stealing something. This statement is why I included that part in.

(08-11-2013 01:58 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  So it's just an endless war between Picela and her lusus of stealing things? Seems like it may get tiresome. If that's what you mean. Not a problem, I'm just commenting on it.

Hm, I think I was a bit vague there but basically, this is how the cycle goes:

-Picela steals something and stashes it away in her hive. She hides it somewhere she thinks is safe, but there isn't many places she can safely put her loot away.

-A day or two later, her lusus will notice something shiny and take it away, then proceed to do it over and over again until she had enough to build a small nest.

-Picela would most definitely realize her lusus has built a nest out of her own items, so she would try to take it back.

-After perhaps a few failed attempts, Picela would retrieve her items back and put them someplace else in her hive.

-A few days later, the lusus takes the items and thus the cycle continues.

(08-11-2013 01:58 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  Does she ever run into trouble by socializing with all the crazed inhabitants of murder mania Alternia?

Okay, if it's an indigo or seadweller, Picela would most likely try her best to avoid them, since she doesn't like socializing with them at all, knowing how dangerous they are. (She knows because of a variety of reasons be it from word of mouth to witnessing an indigo/seadweller beat up another lowblood, but it's a bit of a minor detail anyway)

But if it's a dangerous/murderous lowblood, she'd either try to end the conversation or if given no other choice, try to drive them away with her marble shooter. I wouldn't say she's a complete stranger to being hurt, though. She's been hurt a few times, since she can't exactly be successful stealing something all the time.

So, in short, she does sometimes run into trouble, be it bumping into an indigo/seadweller, getting caught while stealing or having to deal with a dangerous lowblood.

(I need to edit that in the profile somewhere as well as a bit on how she feels about highbloods overall. Highbloods as in, teal and up.)

(08-11-2013 01:58 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  Kind of ironic, seeing as her power relies on a physical form of this. Or maybe that was intentional?

I actually didn't notice this, woops. There are two ways I can go about this:

One, I rewrite that dislike so it doesn't make her seem like a hypocrite.

Or...

I actually take advantage of that mistake and turn it into something for her character. As far as I know, most children her age can easily be hypocrites or end up contradicting themselves.

I'll choose one of these later. Probably with a bit of help deciding.

(08-11-2013 01:58 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  Overall this seems like it could work, but be cautious with both the Kleptomania and her age. As a side note, try not to CAPITALIZE so many words. It's important for emphasis on activities or nouns, but not every other word.

Response to Hayarp's crit.

(08-11-2013 04:23 AM)Hayarp Wrote:  Why make her so young? You should probably make her at least six sweeps, as wrigglers aren't generally encouraged in the cafe setting.

I've made her young with the idea of introducing someone into the cafe who isn't 7-9 sweeps old, though as you mention later on in your crit that paint is made from wriggler blood....yeah, I'll change that to 6 sweeps. It will change a few minor things so that'll come in the profile edit.

(08-11-2013 04:23 AM)Hayarp Wrote:  Make sure you're familiar with actual kleptomania before putting it into a character in order to portray her accurately.

Yup, I've done my research. If you want to see a more indepth response to this, look at my response to Zeron's crit.

(08-11-2013 04:23 AM)Hayarp Wrote:  Her power gives some reasoning why she can steal so much without getting caught, but is she aware of how dangerous her stealing is? Being such a small lowblood, if she's caught stealing from a highblood she'd probably be killed.

This is why she avoids highbloods. She'd try to end a conversation with a blueblood or tealblood quickly and then scurry off to someone else so she can steal something or out of the cafe and just deal with the pressure that comes with it. She's not stolen many highblood objects and she hasn't really been caught doing so. The only times she's been caught stealing is with lowbloods like herself.

That's gonna need a big mention in the personality paragraph. Perhaps I can seperate it into two personality paragraphs? One on herself and one on her attitude towards lowbloods and highbloods.

(08-11-2013 04:23 AM)Hayarp Wrote:  Is she proud of her thievery? Why would she include it in her trolltag?

I....bluh, shitfuckgoddamnit I did it again. I goof'd. I'll change that trolltag. Sorry about that.

And about her being proud of her thievery. Well, she's a kleptomaniac who steals items from other trolls manipulating her power effectively and not getting caught a lot. I'd say she is a bit proud deep inside, yeah.

(08-11-2013 04:23 AM)Hayarp Wrote:  How does she survive? A small, young lowblood like her who spends a lot of time around other trolls seems like a prime culling target, especially considering that canonically paint is made from wriggler blood.

..Another thing to edit in, fuck. The main reasons that I can come up with for her being able to survive all this time are:

-She's agile, due to her somewhat skinny build. (She doesn't eat much and moves around a lot)
-She has her marble shooter. While a marble is small and she doesn't have many in a clip, it can still do a decent amount of damage.
-While her constant acts of theft may make trolls think otherwise, she does try to gain a few allies/friends.

(08-11-2013 04:23 AM)Hayarp Wrote:  [color=#FF0000]Go back through the profile and remember to only capitalize words that require EMPHASIS. You capitalize so many words that the capitalization loses its effect.

Yeaaaaaaaah, I'll work on that. I'll come with a new and edited profile soon.

-------------------------

yani iS HORRIFYING
[01:20:27] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿)
[01:20:39] Beren the Omnibear: asdf u look like ur about to fukkin murder me in my sleep
[01:20:51] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I see you.
[01:20:55] Beren the Omnibear: ASDFGJFG
[01:20:56] Beren the Omnibear: NO
[01:20:57] Beren the Omnibear: STAHP
[01:21:09] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I am going to take your fucking eyes.
[01:21:16] Beren the Omnibear: AJFJUEDJFJFK
[01:21:18] Beren the Omnibear: NOOOO
[01:21:20] Beren the Omnibear: GET AWAY
[01:21:21] Beren the Omnibear: NO STAHP
[01:21:44] Mechromancer: <(⊙‿⊙<✿) come to me..!!
[01:21:55] Beren the Omnibear: NO PLEASE GET AYWYWYAYYWAYY
[01:21:57] Beren the Omnibear: AWAYAYYYYAYYY
[01:22:09] Beren the Omnibear: Beren the Omnibear RUNSS THEHHH FUCK AYWYAY

silvy's victory d
[02:15:58] •Silvdexter•: i have the victory d
Reply
08-11-2013, 06:59 AM
Post: #154
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Woop double post sorry about that. Anyway. Edited the profile, wee!

-----------------------------------

Be the obnoxious little thief.

i dont know what obnoxious means but im not a thief!

Instead, be the social kleptomaniac.

i guess thats okay for now

Your name is PICELA FELTAE, you are only 6 SWEEPS OLD and you just can’t stop STEALING things.

You are a BROWNBLOOD, which means you’re pretty damn LOW on the hemospectrum. You follow the hemospectrum as much as you can so you don’t get culled, but a CERTAIN CONDITION that you have may make trolls think OTHERWISE! This certain condition you happen to have is KLEPTOMANIA. Coincidently, you have a power that helps you with your kleptomania, as long as you keep to 'borrowing' smaller objects. What is your power? Your power allows you to BEND LIGHT on things, making them COMPLETELY INVISIBLE, but you can only do it on items smaller than your HEAD, otherwise you'll tire yourself out TOO MUCH! Any items you successfully steal is stashed away inside your HIVE. You make a decent profit selling the things you don’t want, giving you enough money to buy just BARELY enough food to keep your stomach happy. Thankfully, you don’t get caught often, because you’re SURPRISINGLY SKILLED at taking items from others. This is both thanks to your power and your LUSUS, a MAGPIE. Magmom always seems to steal the shiniest items from your hive, even if you think they’re hidden away safely! You’ve gotten a lot of EXPERIENCE from stealing the items back, though.

Stealing isn’t the only thing you do, however. You have a fascination with DRAWING, even though you are absolutely AWFUL at it. The main reason you got into drawing to begin with is because you STARTED A PICTURE DIARY and it’s one of the third main reasons you still draw anyway. The second reason is that it’s fun to kill some time doodling whatever comes to your thinkpan. The third reason is that you have a really big project going on that you will not give up on whatever happens. This is your ITEM CATALOGUE. You want to keep a really big book with a PICTURE and DESCRIPTION of EACH ITEM you’ve stolen. When you’re not stealing stuff from other trolls or drawing terrible pictures, you’re sitting down and watching the FIDUSPAWN TV SHOW like the fangirl you are. You’ve watched this show since you were a young wriggler and you still watch it now. You even collect fiduspawn yourself and even watch OTHER SHOWS similar to fiduspawn. You challenge a few trolls now and then, but most people you run into are either highbloods or trolls that don’t play it themselves, which is a REAL BUMMER sometimes.

In terms of PERSONALITY, you’ve been described as someone who is quite SOCIAL. You always hang around LOWBLOODS and like talking with them, often HAPPY just after you’ve stolen something from them, but STRESSED or MOODY just before you attempt it. With highbloods however, you try to avoid them, espiecally INDIGO’S and SEADWELLERS. They are very dangerous and might end up hurting you just for fun, so you try your best to GET AWAY from them. Highbloods like tealbloods or bluebloods are a bit better, but not by much. You are a brownblood after all and they’d probably pick on you, so you try to end conversations with them quickly if one ever came up to you. When avoiding highbloods, you tend to head over to another lowblood or simply just RUN OFF. You're not just social to ease them up so that stealing is easier, but because you’re always curious about things you do not know like BIG WORDS, COMPLICATED MACHINERY and QUADRANTS. Speaking of quadrants, you have absolutely no experience and you don’t really know how to go about getting one. You’re also EASILY IMPRESSED by other trolls because of your curiosity. Most of the time, you have a troll who is a ROLE MODEL for you, someone you want to be as cool or as smart as. This has led you to be EASILY INFLUENCED by others, often believing what other people say, which can lead to people tricking you. You get very frustrated and angry when you realize you’ve been tricked into doing something bad and it’s a pretty quick way for someone to get onto your hate list!

You happen to have the DRAW modus. All you have to do is draw the item to get it out of your captcha deck. If you fail to draw the item SOMEWHAT ACCURATELY, the item is put into LOCKDOWN for a few minutes. Sadly, this is likely to happen, because you suck at drawing. In a tight spot, you have your trusty rifleKind strife specibus! No, it’s not an actual rifle, silly!. It’s a MODIFIED PAINTBALL RIFLE you stole that can shoot MARBLES. You didn’t modify the rifle yourself, you simply got someone else to do it for you in return for giving his prized posession back. You’re a pretty SLOW RELOADER though and the clip can only hold 5 MARBLES EACH, but you’re still alive, so that’s proof this weapon is useful!

When you talk on trollian, your trolltag is juvenileCuriosity and you dont know that many big words but youre okay with that and you also have a habit of copying the quirks of the trolls that you look up to!

-------------------------

yani iS HORRIFYING
[01:20:27] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿)
[01:20:39] Beren the Omnibear: asdf u look like ur about to fukkin murder me in my sleep
[01:20:51] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I see you.
[01:20:55] Beren the Omnibear: ASDFGJFG
[01:20:56] Beren the Omnibear: NO
[01:20:57] Beren the Omnibear: STAHP
[01:21:09] Mechromancer: (⊙‿⊙✿) I am going to take your fucking eyes.
[01:21:16] Beren the Omnibear: AJFJUEDJFJFK
[01:21:18] Beren the Omnibear: NOOOO
[01:21:20] Beren the Omnibear: GET AWAY
[01:21:21] Beren the Omnibear: NO STAHP
[01:21:44] Mechromancer: <(⊙‿⊙<✿) come to me..!!
[01:21:55] Beren the Omnibear: NO PLEASE GET AYWYWYAYYWAYY
[01:21:57] Beren the Omnibear: AWAYAYYYYAYYY
[01:22:09] Beren the Omnibear: Beren the Omnibear RUNSS THEHHH FUCK AYWYAY

silvy's victory d
[02:15:58] •Silvdexter•: i have the victory d
Reply
08-12-2013, 04:34 PM
Post: #155
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: ezimba18953349222800.png]

[Image: ezimba18953338824500.gif]
(epilepsy warning under the spoiler)

Your name is ANAWAR CELISE and you wish you were at a party right now.

You live to attend massive RAVE PARTIES full of things that glow, tons of trolls dancing, and loud music. They're not the safest place to be, of course, especially not for an ANONYMOUS TROLL like yourself, but that doesn't stop you! You absolutely love raving. So much so that you even wear your glowsticks when you're not at one! Part of this is because you think things that GLOW are just about the coolest things ever.

When you aren't RAVING, you are usually updating your BLOG full of cool pictures with inspirational quotes edited into them. You have a lot of FOLLOWERS, not to brag or anything. You've dabbled in PHOTOGRAPHY as well, but other trolls take way better pictures than you do, so you've pretty much given up. Instead you decided to take up SKATEBOARDING, something that you are much more skilled at. The rest of your time is spent on the INTERNET. You make sure to always stay ahead of social networking trends in order to keep your blog as popular as you can get it! It makes you feel like you've accomplished something in your 6.5 SWEEPS of life.

You're a very busy troll, and as a result you haven't spent much quality time with FIREMOM in sweeps. Your lusus is a large FIREFLY, and as a result of her glowing, you've never really spent much time in total darkness. Your hive, though small and plain, is noticeable from very far away because your lusus emits light at all times. That's kinda dangerous for a troll like you, so lately you've been keeping her locked in your BASEMENT in order to keep the light confined.

You don't really care about the hemopectrum. You're generally RESPECTFUL to highbloods as long as they're not being too rude to you, but you're generally the same about lowbloods, too. Trolls tend to treat you differently because you hide your blood color, but you knew they would when you took up the gray. You don't mind the weird looks - you have personal reasons for hiding your blood and they're more important than all of that.

When it comes down to it, you have becomed skilled at fighting using your GLOWSTCKKIND specibus. You use weighted glowsticks tied to strings like a set of Kusarigama, and practice regularly with them using a makeshift dummy with pictures of rival blogs taped to it. Your fetch modus is the POPULARITY modus, requiring you to get a certain number of "LIKES" on a picture of an item before you can remove it from your sylladex. It gets really annoying if you ever try to captchalogue the same item more than once.

Your trolltag is incognitoIllumination and you make sure to tag your sentences in a trendy way! #nofilter #quirk #omg

tl;dr

Name: Anawar Celise
Age: 6.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'3"
Blood Color: [REDACTED] (types in #777777)
Trolltag: incognitoIllumination
Quirk: adds hashtags to the end of her sentences
Lusus: Firemom (Firefly)
Specibus: glowstckKind
Modus: popularity

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-12-2013, 04:47 PM
Post: #156
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-12-2013 04:34 PM)Hayarp Wrote:  [Image: ezimba18953349222800.png]

[Image: ezimba18953338824500.gif]
(epilepsy warning under the spoiler)

Your name is ANAWAR CELISE and you wish you were at a party right now.

You live to attend massive RAVE PARTIES full of things that glow, tons of trolls dancing, and loud music. They're not the safest place to be, of course, especially not for an ANONYMOUS TROLL like yourself, but that doesn't stop you! You absolutely love raving. So much so that you even wear your glowsticks when you're not at one! Part of this is because you think things that GLOW are just about the coolest things ever. Why? What's so attractive to her about partying and glow-y things? The excitement? The way glowing stuff looks kickass?

When you aren't RAVING, you are usually updating your BLOG full of cool pictures with inspirational quotes edited into them. You have a lot of FOLLOWERS, not to brag or anything. You've dabbled in PHOTOGRAPHY as well, but other trolls take way better pictures than you do, so you've pretty much given up. Does she feel angry over not being the best or does she really not care? Instead you decided to take up SKATEBOARDING, something that you are much more skilled at. So what does she do as a skateboarder? Does she focus on fancy tricks or using it for more mobility? Does she customize her skateboard? The rest of your time is spent on the INTERNET. You make sure to always stay ahead of social networking trends in order to keep your blog as popular as you can get it! It makes you feel like you've accomplished something in your 6.5 SWEEPS of life. Do these trends leak over into her real life? Does she want to act out whatever is the latest thing or does she just keep it to the internet? How important is being popular to her?

You're a very busy troll, and as a result you haven't spent much quality time with FIREMOM in sweeps. Your lusus is a large FIREFLY, and as a result of her glowing, you've never really spent much time in total darkness. Your hive, though small and plain, is noticeable from very far away because your lusus emits light at all times. That's kinda dangerous for a troll like you, so lately you've been keeping her locked in your BASEMENT in order to keep the light confined. Did her lusus ever manage to teach her anything? How did it affect her upbringing by being alight almost constantly?

You don't really care about the hemopectrum. You're generally RESPECTFUL to highbloods as long as they're not being too rude to you, but you're generally the same about lowbloods, too. Trolls tend to treat you differently because you hide your blood color, but you knew they would when you took up the gray. You don't mind the weird looks - you have personal reasons for hiding your blood and they're more important than all of that.

When it comes down to it, you have becomed skilled at fighting using your GLOWSTCKKIND specibus. You use weighted glowsticks tied to strings like a set of Kusarigama, and practice regularly with them using a makeshift dummy with pictures of rival blogs taped to it. Your fetch modus is the POPULARITY modus, requiring you to get a certain number of "LIKES" on a picture of an item before you can remove it from your sylladex. It gets really annoying if you ever try to captchalogue the same item more than once. So how does getting "likes" work? Does it post a picture of the item to her blog and ask for trolls to like it? Does she have to manually like it herself?

Your trolltag is incognitoIllumination and you make sure to tag your sentences in a trendy way! #nofilter #quirk #omg


How do other trolls see her? What does she act like? Is she someone who's really energetic, like the raving implies?

tl;dr

Name: Anawar Celise
Age: 6.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'3"
Blood Color: [REDACTED] (types in #777777)
Trolltag: incognitoIllumination
Quirk: adds hashtags to the end of her sentences
Lusus: Firemom (Firefly)
Specibus: glowstckKind
Modus: popularity

In red, diggity dawg.

Where we're going we don't need fancherubs
[Image: Argumi.gif][Image: Famynn.gif][Image: Genosi.gif][Image: Gaveyo.gif]
[Image: Floaty.gif][Image: Deveii.gif][Image: Portec.gif][Image: lrduwpk]
[Image: Yarrex.gif]
Silvy Wrote:(my mouth is made of money because every joke i tell is pure gold)
Ocfos Wrote:[3:58:25 PM] Ocfos: Yes it is.
[4:02:07 PM] Ocfos: Breeding solve everything.
[4:02:15 PM] Ocfos: Just look at Africa.
[4:02:25 PM] Ocfos: Need help feeding the children? Get more.
[4:02:46 PM] Ocfos: Tell them to feed them.
[4:03:20 PM] Ocfos: And then you hvve a regurgilating suorce of energy
Reply
08-12-2013, 05:05 PM
Post: #157
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: ezimba18953349222800.png]

[Image: ezimba18953338824500.gif]
(epilepsy warning under the spoiler)

Your name is ANAWAR CELISE and you wish you were at a party right now.

You live to attend massive RAVE PARTIES full of things that glow, tons of trolls dancing, and loud music. They're not the safest place to be, of course, especially not for an ANONYMOUS TROLL like yourself, but that doesn't stop you! You absolutely love the excitement of raving. So much so that you even wear your glowsticks when you're not at one! Part of this is because you think things that GLOW are just about the coolest things ever.

When you aren't RAVING, you are usually updating your BLOG full of cool pictures with inspirational quotes edited into them. You have a lot of FOLLOWERS, not to brag or anything. You've dabbled in PHOTOGRAPHY as well, but other trolls take way better pictures than you do, so you've pretty much given up. You don't see the point in doing something you have no chance at being the best at. Instead you decided to take up SKATEBOARDING, something that you are much more skilled at. You mostly use it to GET AROUND, though you like to practice some tricks as well. Sometimes you videotape yourself doing tricks and post it on your blog. Of course, you only do tricks in private so that your blood won't be revealed if you get hurt. The rest of your time is spent on the INTERNET. You make sure to always stay ahead of social networking trends in order to keep your blog as popular as you can get it! It makes you feel like you've accomplished something in your 6.5 SWEEPS of life.

You're a very busy troll, and as a result you haven't spent much quality time with FIREMOM in sweeps. Your lusus is a large FIREFLY, and as a result of her glowing, you've never really spent much time in total darkness. Your hive, though small and plain, is noticeable from very far away because your lusus emits light at all times. That's kinda dangerous for a troll like you, so lately you've been keeping her locked in your BASEMENT in order to keep the light confined. She does strife with you sometimes, and living with her has reduced your sensitivity to light, which is something that you think is awfully useful.

You don't really care about the hemopectrum. You're generally RESPECTFUL to highbloods as long as they're not being too rude to you, but you're generally the same about lowbloods, too. You try not to pick fights if you can help it. Turning on some music and dancing out your problems is a way better method of working through things in your opinion. Trolls tend to treat you differently because you hide your blood color, but you knew they would when you took up the grey. You don't mind the weird looks - you have personal reasons for hiding your blood and they're more important than all of that.

Trolls tend to ignore you in real life unless you're raving, so getting popular on the internet is really your only way of feeling recognized. When you do hang out in person with another troll, they generally find you to be full of TOO MUCH ENERGY. You just can't sit still! Often this is seen as a rather ANNOYING trait.

When it comes down to it, you have becomed skilled at fighting using your GLOWSTCKKIND specibus. You use weighted glowsticks tied to strings like a set of Kusarigama, and practice regularly with them using a makeshift dummy with pictures of rival blogs taped to it. Your fetch modus is the POPULARITY modus, requiring you to get a certain number of "LIKES" on a picture of an item that your modus posts automatically on your blog before you can remove it from your sylladex. It gets really annoying if you ever try to captchalogue the same item more than once.

Your trolltag is incognitoIllumination and you make sure to tag your sentences in a trendy way! #nofilter #quirk #omg

tl;dr

Name: Anawar Celise
Age: 6.5 Sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'3"
Blood Color: [REDACTED] (types in #777777)
Trolltag: incognitoIllumination
Quirk: adds hashtags to the end of her sentences
Lusus: Firemom (Firefly)
Specibus: glowstckKind
Modus: popularity

updated.

Hah. Never expected to see me here again did you?

[Roleplaying Tumblr]
[Image: Kattgroup.gif]
floaties by overlard!
Reply
08-15-2013, 04:20 PM
Post: #158
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: 9dJLh1H.png]

Your name is RYAMBA ZURKET and boy do you love training to be a junior LAUGHSASSIN. Culling lowblooded criminals (or just lowbloods, your research into who is criminal is pretty shoddy to begin with and Alternia is not renown for it's file keeping) in the dead of night and leaving no trace, well most of the time you leave no trace, sometimes you get a little stab happy and splash blood all over the place. It doesn't really matter though it's not like there are droves of detectives looking to cover lowblood hive crime scenes. Anyways besides going out and "abusing" as some would like to call it, your highblood status you spend your free time practicing the not-really-forgotten-but-not-brought-up-in-casual-conversation art of FLASH STEPPING, honing your body until you can move so fast you literally vanish from view, too bad even your inherent strength doesn't afford you enough stamina to do it more than a few feet at a time so you usually kept that move in reserve to impress and/or intimidate the pitiful lower castes. You are also, of course, a master with your blind cane, yes you almost forgot to mention you are BLIND, not by your choosing but thanks to those drunk bastards the SUBJUGGALATORS who delivered their rejection notice from the Mirthful Cult personally when you refused to drink their stupid fucking soda pop. Apparently a rejection notice from them is getting stabbed, in the face. Irony at it's finest, but you adapted and the LAUGHSASSINS, her IMPERIOUSNESS' most dastardly of ne'er do-wells were more than happy to take you in so now you secretly wish to kick every subjuggalator in the face but you certainly won't tell that to anybody otherwise you'll have their baggy-pant'd ass on you in no time and they wouldn't stop until you were dead.

Name: Ryamba Zurket
Blood colour/Hex: Indigo 2F025C
Gender: Female
Age: 6 Sweeps
TrollTag: deadLaughing
Quirk: Haha, She begins with, Heehee, and interrupts with laughter, she also, Hoo hoo, the end. Keke.
Strife Specibus: canebladeKind
Fetch Modus: Ouija board
Lusus: Hydramom
Interests: Laughing, Knifeplay, training to be a Laughsassin
*God Tier: Maid of Doom
*Game Land: Land of Pillows and Slumber
Reply
08-15-2013, 04:32 PM (This post was last modified: 08-15-2013 04:36 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #159
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: 9dJLh1H.png]

Your name is RYAMBA ZURKET and boy do you love training to be a junior LAUGHSASSIN. Why does she want to be one? Culling lowblooded criminals (or just lowbloods, your research into who is criminal is pretty shoddy to begin with and Alternia is not renown for it's file keeping) in the dead of night and leaving no trace, well most of the time you leave no trace, sometimes you get a little stab happy and splash blood all over the place. It doesn't really matter though it's not like there are droves of detectives looking to cover lowblood hive crime scenes. Anyways besides going out and "abusing" as some would like to call it, your highblood status you spend your free time practicing the not-really-forgotten-but-not-brought-up-in-casual-conversation art of FLASH STEPPING, honing your body until you can move so fast you literally vanish from view, too bad even your inherent strength doesn't afford you enough stamina to do it more than a few feet at a time so you usually kept that move in reserve to impress and/or intimidate the pitiful lower castes. You are also, of course, a master with your blind cane, yes you almost forgot to mention you are BLIND, not by your choosing but thanks to those drunk bastards the SUBJUGGALATORS who delivered their rejection notice from the Mirthful Cult personally when you refused to drink their stupid fucking soda pop. Apparently a rejection notice from them is getting stabbed, in the face. Irony at it's finest, but you adapted and the LAUGHSASSINS, her IMPERIOUSNESS' most dastardly of ne'er do-wellsThere's nothing really saying this in canon, and if any one group would fit this, it'd probably be the Subjugglators. After all, Her Imperious Condescension favors them above other Trolls. were more than happy to take you in so now you secretly wish to kick every subjuggalator in the face but you certainly won't tell that to anybody otherwise you'll have their baggy-pant'd ass on you in no time and they wouldn't stop until you were dead.

Okay, so aside from wanting to be a Laughsassin, what does she do? What does she do aside from that? None of that was mentioned here. Laughing and knifeplay as shown below aren't much of interests, especially the former. What about her hive? Her Lusus? As in, what is her relationship with her Lusus? Do they get along or are they indifferent to each other? This could do with a bit of bulking up...

Name: Ryamba Zurket
Blood colour/Hex: Indigo 2F025C
Gender: Female
Age: 6 Sweeps
TrollTag: deadLaughing
Quirk: Haha, She begins with, Heehee, and interrupts with laughter, she also, Hoo hoo, the end. Keke.
Strife Specibus: canebladeKind
Fetch Modus: Ouija board
Lusus: Hydramom
Interests: Laughing, Knifeplay, training to be a Laughsassin
*God Tier: Maid of Doom
*Game Land: Land of Pillows and Slumber
[/quote]

Critique in red.
Reply
08-15-2013, 05:18 PM
Post: #160
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(08-15-2013 04:20 PM)technoGender Wrote:  [Image: 9dJLh1H.png]
Your name is RYAMBA ZURKET and boy do you love training to be a junior LAUGHSASSIN. Culling lowblooded criminals (or just lowbloods, your research into who is criminal is pretty shoddy to begin with and Alternia is not renown for it's file keeping) in the dead of night and leaving no trace, well most of the time you leave no trace, sometimes you get a little stab happy and splash blood all over the place. It doesn't really matter though it's not like there are droves of detectives looking to cover lowblood hive crime scenes. Anyways, besides going out and "abusing", as some would like to call it, your highblood status you spend your free time practicing the not-really-forgotten-but-not-brought-up-in-casual-conversation art of FLASH STEPPING. Honing your body until you can move so fast you literally vanish from view, too bad even your inherent strength doesn't afford you enough stamina to do it more than a few feet at a time so you usually kept that move in reserve to impress and/or intimidate the pitiful lower castes. "Compared to other trolls and coupled with the fact the cafe isn't focused on mechanicless combat, I feel this is perfectly fine for your type of character. However I do want to give you a heads up, if you plan to role with the "Back alley" crowd they may have a problem with it." You are also, of course, a master with your blind cane, yes you almost forgot to mention you are BLIND, not by your choosing but thanks to those drunk bastards the SUBJUGGALATORS who delivered their rejection notice from the Mirthful Cult personally when you refused to drink their stupid fucking soda pop. Apparently a rejection notice from them is getting stabbed, in the face. Irony"I don't see any irony?" at it's finest. But you adapted and the LAUGHSASSINS, her IMPERIOUSNESS' most dastardly of ne'er do-wells were more than happy to take you in. so now you secretly wish to kick every subjuggalator in the face. But you certainly won't tell that to anybody otherwise you'll have their baggy-pant'd ass on you in no time and they wouldn't stop until you were dead.
"Well, I like this character from the old cafe. But, for someone who knows nothing about the character this gives a neat glimpse into their backstory but nothing about their personality or what they do other than being a laughsassin.

Elaborate on her knife play. It's an interest of mine actually. At least before my balisong broke, I still like to practice with my chef's knife however.

Tell us more about who she is and not what she does

Mention her hemospectrum and strangers attitude clearly for other RPers to see and know in advance for cafe meshing.
"

The only important quote ever. Thanks to Silvy.
Quote:[6:46:52 PM] Kinky Kaity.: jokes on you i am a snobby elitist cunt
Quote:[6:31:58 PM] •Silvdexter•: prove that you are the patties daddy
Reply
08-15-2013, 06:38 PM (This post was last modified: 08-15-2013 06:45 PM by technoGender.)
Post: #161
Edited and Spoiler'd for your Convenience.
[Image: 9dJLh1H.png]

Your name is RYAMBA ZURKET and boy do you love Culling lowblooded criminals (or just lowbloods, your research into who is criminal is pretty shoddy to begin with and Alternia is not renown for it's file keeping) in the dead of night and leaving no trace, well most of the time you leave no trace, sometimes you get a little stab happy and splash blood all over the place. It doesn't really matter though it's not like there are droves of detectives looking to cover lowblood hive crime scenes and you are not some Grand Theft Alternian who runs into public establishments to slice up a few people then loot them for beetles. You have always wanted to return the favor of being born into a high caste by going out and mercilessly destroying lowbloods in the name of your Empresses, yeah you know it is sort of completely random and you should really be thanking genetics but genetics doesn't really care one way or another if you go on a mini genocide and you aren't really sure what her Imperiousness' fashion tastes are but you know she likes culling lowbloods so why not go with that? Orginally you aspired to be a SUBJUGGALATOR since they are her most royalness' favored soldiers but after refusing to drink their stupid soda-pop swill they sent you a rejection notice, the rejection notice being one of them coming to your door and stabbing you. In the face, it was all very ironic and you both had a laugh about it before you blacked out. Luckily your Hydramom was there to take care of you and get you back to health though even she couldn't save your eyesight. You are pretty thankful for Hydramom when she is around, she always seems to vanish for awhile then come back for about half as long as she's gone. No skin off your nose though, when she's gone you've got free reign to cull at your leisure unlike when she is here then it's feeding time and learning 'social skills' though you aren't really a fan for talking but she insists you need it in order to not accidentally kill everybody who approaches you, you know she enjoys the extra food though. Anyways besides going out and "abusing" as some would like to call it, your highblood status you spend your free time practicing the not-really-forgotten-but-not-brought-up-in-casual-conversation art of FLASH STEPPING, honing your body until you can move so fast you literally vanish from view, too bad even your inherent strength doesn't afford you enough stamina to do it more than a few feet at a time so you usually kept that move in reserve to impress and/or intimidate the pitiful lower castes. Barring that as a hobby, you consider it a hobby but somebody like to do things a tad more relaxing, you enjoy jokes. Any kind of joke will do, good ones, bad ones, puns, anything to make you LAUGH because laughing keeps you healthy. You will literally laugh at anything. As mentioned before you also enjoy hunting criminals for JUSTICE and FUN but mostly FUN. Ridding Alternia of the slightly more dubious than the rest of the population people makes you feel like you are doing an above average job compared to your lesser counterparts on the spectrum who mostly just kill for wanton things like survival. Hydramom insists that you think about filling a quadrant, particularly your PALE one before your enthusiasm gets out of hand but you insist that you are not just clichely enjoying mindless killing like a stereotypical horror movie antagonist and that you are doing it for perfectly valid reasons, like JUSTICE and that she shouldn't worry because you would never dare think about taking on any seadweller because you value the hemospectrum greatly even if it is mostly because it gives you a lot of privilege but then again what else would anybody appreciate it for?

Name: Ryamba Zurket
Blood colour/Hex: Indigo 2F025C
Gender: Female
Age: 6 Sweeps
TrollTag: deadLaughing
Quirk: Haha, She begins with, Heehee, and interrupts with laughter, she also, Hoo hoo, the end. Keke.
Strife Specibus: canebladeKind
Fetch Modus: Ouija board
Lusus: Hydramom
Interests: Laughing, Justice, training to be a Laughsassin
*God Tier: Maid of Doom
*Game Land: Land of Pillows and Slumber
Reply
08-15-2013, 07:54 PM (This post was last modified: 08-15-2013 07:59 PM by The Necromancer.)
Post: #162
RE: Edited and Spoiler'd for your Convenience.
(08-15-2013 06:38 PM)technoGender Wrote:  [Image: 9dJLh1H.png]

Your name is RYAMBA ZURKET and boy do you love Culling lowblooded criminals (or just lowbloods, your research into who is criminal is pretty shoddy to begin with and Alternia is not renown for it's file keeping) in the dead of night and leaving no trace, well most of the time you leave no trace, sometimes you get a little stab happy and splash blood all over the place. It doesn't really matter though it's not like there are droves of detectives looking to cover lowblood hive crime scenes and you are not some Grand Theft Alternian who runs into public establishments to slice up a few people then loot them for beetles. You have always wanted to return the favor of being born into a high caste by going out and mercilessly destroying lowbloods in the name of your Empresses, yeah you know it is sort of completely random and you should really be thanking genetics but genetics doesn't really care one way or another if you go on a mini genocide and you aren't really sure what her Imperiousness' fashion tastes are but you know she likes culling lowbloods so why not go with that? Orginally you aspired to be a SUBJUGGALATOR since they are her most royalness' favored soldiers but after refusing to drink their stupid soda-pop swill they sent you a rejection notice, the rejection notice being one of them coming to your door and stabbing you. In the face. it was all very ironic and you both had a laugh about it before you blacked out. Luckily your Hydramom was there to take care of you and get you back to health though even she couldn't save your eyesight. You are pretty thankful for Hydramom when she is around, she always seems to vanish for awhile then come back for about half as long as she's gone. No skin off your nose though, when she's gone you've got free reign to cull at your leisure unlike when she is here then it's feeding time and learning 'social skills' though you aren't really a fan for talking but she insists you need it in order to not accidentally kill everybody who approaches you, you know she enjoys the extra food though. Anyways besides going out and "abusing" as some would like to call it, your highblood status you spend your free time practicing the not-really-forgotten-but-not-brought-up-in-casual-conversation art of FLASH STEPPING, honing your body until you can move so fast you literally vanish from view, too bad even your inherent strength doesn't afford you enough stamina to do it more than a few feet at a time so you usually kept that move in reserve to impress and/or intimidate the pitiful lower castes. Barring that as a hobby, you consider it a hobby but somebody like to do things a tad more relaxing, you enjoy jokes. Any kind of joke will do, good ones, bad ones, puns, anything to make you LAUGH because laughing keeps you healthy. You will literally laugh at anything. As mentioned before you also enjoy hunting criminals for JUSTICE and FUN but mostly FUN. Ridding Alternia of the slightly more dubious than the rest of the population people makes you feel like you are doing an above average job compared to your lesser counterparts on the spectrum who mostly just kill for wanton things like survival. Hydramom insists that you think about filling a quadrant, particularly your PALE one before your enthusiasm gets out of hand but you insist that you are not just clichely enjoying mindless killing like a stereotypical horror movie antagonist and that you are doing it for perfectly valid reasons, like JUSTICE and that she shouldn't worry because you would never dare think about taking on any seadweller because you value the hemospectrum greatly even if it is mostly because it gives you a lot of privilege but then again what else would anybody appreciate it for?

Name: Ryamba Zurket
Blood colour/Hex: Indigo 2F025C
Gender: Female
Age: 6 Sweeps
TrollTag: deadLaughing
Quirk: Haha, She begins with, Heehee, and interrupts with laughter, she also, Hoo hoo, the end. Keke.
Strife Specibus: canebladeKind
Fetch Modus: Ouija board
Lusus: Hydramom
Interests: Laughing, Justice, training to be a Laughsassin
*God Tier: Maid of Doom
*Game Land: Land of Pillows and Slumber

"A lot better but It could use some formatting. Check out some other troll profiles and look for way to break your profile out of the WALL OF TEXT and into a visually pleasing display of one's character."

The only important quote ever. Thanks to Silvy.
Quote:[6:46:52 PM] Kinky Kaity.: jokes on you i am a snobby elitist cunt
Quote:[6:31:58 PM] •Silvdexter•: prove that you are the patties daddy
Reply
08-16-2013, 07:52 AM
Post: #163
Electric Boogaloo 2: Pleasing To The View (hopefully)
[Image: 9dJLh1H.png]

Your name is RYAMBA ZURKET and boy do you love Culling lowblooded criminals (or just lowbloods, your research into who is criminal is pretty shoddy to begin with and Alternia is not renown for it's file keeping) in the dead of night and leaving no trace, well most of the time you leave no trace, sometimes you get a little stab happy and splash blood all over the place. It doesn't really matter though it's not like there are droves of detectives looking to cover lowblood hive crime scenes and you are not some Grand Theft Alternian who runs into public establishments to slice up a few people then loot them for beetles.

You have always wanted to return the favor of being born into a high caste by going out and mercilessly destroying lowbloods in the name of your Empresses, yeah you know it is sort of completely random and you should really be thanking genetics but genetics doesn't really care one way or another if you go on a mini genocide and you aren't really sure what her Imperiousness' fashion tastes are but you know she likes culling lowbloods so why not go with that? Orginally you aspired to be a SUBJUGGALATOR since they are her most royalness' favored soldiers but after refusing to drink their stupid soda-pop swill they sent you a rejection notice, the rejection notice being one of them coming to your door and stabbing you. In the face, it was all very ironic and you both had a laugh about it before you blacked out. Luckily your Hydramom was there to take care of you and get you back to health though even she couldn't save your eyesight.

You are pretty thankful for Hydramom when she is around, she always seems to vanish for awhile then come back for about half as long as she's gone. No skin off your nose though, when she's gone you've got free reign to cull at your leisure unlike when she is here then it's feeding time and learning 'social skills' though you aren't really a fan for talking but she insists you need it in order to not accidentally kill everybody who approaches you, you know she enjoys the extra food though.

Anyways besides going out and "abusing" as some would like to call it, your highblood status you spend your free time practicing the not-really-forgotten-but-not-brought-up-in-casual-conversation art of FLASH STEPPING, honing your body until you can move so fast you literally vanish from view, too bad even your inherent strength doesn't afford you enough stamina to do it more than a few feet at a time so you usually kept that move in reserve to impress and/or intimidate the pitiful lower castes.

Barring that as a hobby, you consider it a hobby but somebody like to do things a tad more relaxing, you enjoy jokes. Any kind of joke will do, good ones, bad ones, puns, anything to make you LAUGH because laughing keeps you healthy. You will literally laugh at anything. As mentioned before you also enjoy hunting criminals for JUSTICE and FUN but mostly FUN. Ridding Alternia of the slightly more dubious than the rest of the population people makes you feel like you are doing an above average job compared to your lesser counterparts on the spectrum who mostly just kill for wanton things like survival.

Hydramom insists that you think about filling a quadrant, particularly your PALE one before your enthusiasm gets out of hand but you insist that you are not just clichely enjoying mindless killing like a stereotypical horror movie antagonist and that you are doing it for perfectly valid reasons, like JUSTICE and that she shouldn't worry because you would never dare think about taking on any seadweller because you value the hemospectrum greatly even if it is mostly because it gives you a lot of privilege but then again what else would anybody appreciate it for?

Name: Ryamba Zurket
Blood colour/Hex: Indigo 2F025C
Gender: Female
Age: 6 Sweeps
TrollTag: deadLaughing
Quirk: Haha, She begins with, Heehee, and interrupts with laughter, she also, Hoo hoo, the end. Keke.
Strife Specibus: canebladeKind
Fetch Modus: Ouija board
Lusus: Hydramom
Interests: Laughing, Justice, training to be a Laughsassin
*God Tier: Maid of Doom
*Game Land: Land of Pillows and Slumber
Reply
08-16-2013, 01:14 PM
Post: #164
RE: Electric Boogaloo 2: Pleasing To The View (hopefully)
(08-16-2013 07:52 AM)technoGender Wrote:  [Image: 9dJLh1H.png]

Your name is RYAMBA ZURKET and boy do you love Culling lowblooded criminals (or just lowbloods, your research into who is criminal is pretty shoddy to begin with and Alternia is not renown for it's file keeping) in the dead of night and leaving no trace, well most of the time you leave no trace, sometimes you get a little stab happy and splash blood all over the place. It doesn't really matter though it's not like there are droves of detectives looking to cover lowblood hive crime scenes and you are not some Grand Theft Alternian who runs into public establishments to slice up a few people then loot them for beetles.

You have always wanted to return the favor of being born into a high caste by going out and mercilessly destroying lowbloods in the name of your Empresses, yeah you know it is sort of completely random and you should really be thanking genetics but genetics doesn't really care one way or another if you go on a mini genocide and you aren't really sure what her Imperiousness' fashion tastes are but you know she likes culling lowbloods so why not go with that? Orginally you aspired to be a SUBJUGGALATOR since they are her most royalness' favored soldiers but after refusing to drink their stupid soda-pop swill they sent you a rejection notice, the rejection notice being one of them coming to your door and stabbing you. In the face, it was all very ironic and you both had a laugh about it before you blacked out. Luckily your Hydramom was there to take care of you and get you back to health though even she couldn't save your eyesight.

You are pretty thankful for Hydramom when she is around, she always seems to vanish for awhile then come back for about half as long as she's gone. No skin off your nose though, when she's gone you've got free reign to cull at your leisure unlike when she is here then it's feeding time and learning 'social skills' though you aren't really a fan for talking but she insists you need it in order to not accidentally kill everybody who approaches you, you know she enjoys the extra food though.

"Why is she thankful for hydramom?"

Anyways besides going out and "abusing" as some would like to call it, your highblood status you spend your free time practicing the not-really-forgotten-but-not-brought-up-in-casual-conversation art of FLASH STEPPING, honing your body until you can move so fast you literally vanish from view, too bad even your inherent strength doesn't afford you enough stamina to do it more than a few feet at a time so you usually kept that move in reserve to impress and/or intimidate the pitiful lower castes.

Barring that as a hobby, you consider it a hobby but somebody like to do things a tad more relaxing, you enjoy jokes. Any kind of joke will do, good ones, bad ones, puns, anything to make you LAUGH because laughing keeps you healthy. You will literally laugh at anything. As mentioned before you also enjoy hunting criminals for JUSTICE and FUN but mostly FUN. Ridding Alternia of the slightly more dubious than the rest of the population people makes you feel like you are doing an above average job compared to your lesser counterparts on the spectrum who mostly just kill for wanton things like survival.

"Does she do anything that not related to murder, fighting, and laughing?"

Hydramom insists that you think about filling a quadrant, particularly your PALE one before your enthusiasm gets out of hand but you insist that you are not just clichely enjoying mindless killing like a stereotypical horror movie antagonist and that you are doing it for perfectly valid reasons, like JUSTICE and that she shouldn't worry because you would never dare think about taking on any seadweller because you value the hemospectrum greatly even if it is mostly because it gives you a lot of privilege but then again what else would anybody appreciate it for?

"Looks better and easier to read now. Let me do some nitpicking that you can take it or leave it."

The only important quote ever. Thanks to Silvy.
Quote:[6:46:52 PM] Kinky Kaity.: jokes on you i am a snobby elitist cunt
Quote:[6:31:58 PM] •Silvdexter•: prove that you are the patties daddy
Reply
08-19-2013, 02:00 PM (This post was last modified: 08-19-2013 03:56 PM by Syvar.)
Post: #165
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Hello again, friends! It's been a while. Let's see if you guys can help me polish this turd.

[Image: 1xRQqPR.png]

Your name is DYANAS LUCANI. You are 8 sweeps old, a BLUE BLOOD.

You're a pretty CHILL DUDE. It sometimes comes across as disrespectful, but you're too CHILL to care. Sometimes it's hard to be THE MOST LAX DUDE AROUND, but hey, someone has to do it.

You're really into STORIES, told through any medium. You could sit around and read a book for hours on end, love movies, and only really play videogames with a good backstory. ADVENTURE BOOKS are your favorite stories of them all. You're a HUGE FREAKING SOFTY and can't handle sad endings though. They make you cry. You wuss. Sad movies are absolutely out of the question. Most trolls don't appreciate UGLY SOBBING in the theatre.

You try your best to GET THE GIRLS. All the girls. It's pretty much all you do, actually. You're generally unsuccessful. It's kind of sad to watch really. No matter your intentions, you have trouble not coming across as a bit of a douche. You've got a slight preference for tealbloods for some reason, so it seems. You never really notice. It's just a coincidence. You don't intentionally seek out that particular caste, you swear!

Your hive is a CASTLE at the base of a MOUNTAIN, decorated with ORNAMENTAL SUITS OF ARMOR. Rich boys get the best toys. Your Lusus is also armored. He's a giant STAG BEETLE. BEETLEDAD, you call him. You like to spar with him, often WRESTLING to end silly little conflicts such as who gets the last of the dessert and whatnot. Being capable of lifting 850 TIMES HIS OWN WEIGHT and having four arms all as thick around as your thigh, he usually wins. Despite his intimidating size an physique, he eats nothing but SLIGHTLY ROTTEN VEGETATION and SWEETS.

Speaking of fighting, you use the ArmorKind strife specibus. It hurts quite a bit more to get PUNCHED IN THE FACE with STEEL GAUNTLETS, and the chance of breaking bones is greatly increased. Your fighting style is something like boxing and wrestling. You do enjoy a good KNEE BAR or KIMURA. The good ol' GROUND N' POUND works pretty swell too. The only thing more satisfying than MAKING A BLOODY MESS of someone's face is sitting at home with a good book on a warm night, sipping some chocolate milk. You can't get enough of the stuff.

You use the Speedreader Modus. The name of the item you want is hidden in a page of a story, and you have to find it to get the item in question.

You occasionally FLARP. Like, super rarely. Usually no one is available, or they've lost interest. The whole FLARP thing is barely worth mentioning, really. 'Cept that you're always up for a game! Always. Anytime. Please.

Speaking of begging for social interactions, your trollTag is armoredScholar and you speak with the okekaisonal keklikeking noise, and refer to the dudes as 'bro' and the chicks as 'babe'.

TL;DR
Name: Dyanas Lucani
Title: Knight of Heart
Age: 8 Sweeps
Blood Colour: Blue (#005595)
TrollTag: armoredEnforcer
Typing style: Replaces hard "C" noises with a beetle clicking noise (kek)
Sign: A circle with his horns.
Strife Specibus: ArmorKind
Modus: Speedreader
Interests: Anything with a story. Be it an RPG or a shitty film. Also chocolate milk, wrestling, and tealblooded girls.
Lusus: Stag beetle
Reply
09-03-2013, 09:35 AM (This post was last modified: 09-03-2013 09:40 AM by Overnightfuture.)
Post: #166
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: TritisRaekedV4.png]
You are now Tritis Raeked a 7 sweep old Redblood that really needs to slow down.

You're a very hyper troll, always taping your fingers on stuff to make little beats. Actually you don't only just tap your fingers, when at your hive you're also usually banging on the Drums. You love drumming, you call it your life passion, you play all the time when your hive. The only other things you ever do is Impressions you're really talented at doing Impressions, all you need is to hear a voice once and you can do a nearly flawless impression of them. Unfortunately that can make other trolls mad if they hear you mocking them so you've had to recently start taking Parkour Lessions.

You're pretty lucky for a Redblood, since you're in a band that's making a decent amount of money. Unfortunately you still aren't living in the lap of luxury, which might be a good thing considering lots of trolls like to kill other trolls with powers. Oh did you mention you have a psychic power? Yeah, you have the ability to manipulate sound. Though it's more of a utility then a weapon since any sound you manipulate will play in your head first and you don't feel like going deaf anytime soon.

You like to keep active in life, always trying to find something to do, even if all you're doing is tapping your fingers on a table or patting your lap to imitate simple drum patterns. As for other trolls you try to be nice and help out all that are higher then you and anyone closer to your blood color you treat as more of an equal. You feel that the hemospectrum is important and enjoy having discussions about it with highbloods or more open minded lowbloods.

Your lusus is a small Lyrebird that you often have shouting matches with. But you still care about him since he helped you master your power.

To protect yourself you wield the Batonkind Specibus. Often you use your drumsticks as your weapon since they are what's usually on you.

Your modus you have is the Birdcall Modus, which requires you impress the modus with a variety of sounds using your power. The more valuble the item, the harder to impress the modus it is.

On trollian you go by consistentCrashing and when not Imitating other trolls you Talk on the beat And always end your Sentances with a double Kick..
Reply
02-15-2014, 11:39 AM (This post was last modified: 02-15-2014 11:44 AM by GM_3826.)
Post: #167
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
==> Be the Crazy One
[Image: xvnf.png][Image: 790a.png]
-->-oh, yeah! while that c-ould describe a MILLI-ON tr-olls, I d-on't think it fits ANY-ONE better than me! >8D<--
Your name is MALUMA DISCOR. You are a GOLDBLOODED MESS OF A PERSON with a BUTTERFLY LUSUS that devours pretty much ANYTHING. You naturally love this about yourself, making you a very strange lowblood... Or troll. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You LOVE watching as the world burns in front of you. You love strife, chaos, discord... Some people think you're a bit of a masochist, especially considering you barely ever stand up to highbloods. You're okay about this. You, surprisingly, like READING. You enjoy casting yourself as the characters in the books of Trollkind. The names are just as long as the ones for films, which you find HILARIOUS.
It's worth noting that you weren't ALWAYS that way. Having to raise a butterfly-locust lusus takes a lot out of you, and you find solace in any way you can. You live in a lowblood village close to the sea, so naturally you had to deal with SEADWELLERS for a while. You came to enjoy it! It's fun.
You are incredibly ERRATIC. You seem to operate on a constant sugar high, knocking down pots and buildings as you run through EVERYTHING. However, you tend to restrain yourself when speaking to anyone above Oliveblood. You never wish to get into a fight, but when it happens, you enjoy it.
You, however, are REALLY meddlesome and overprotective of those you DO care about. If someone harms your friends, highblood or not, you will fight them. This has gotten you into a few scuffles, one of which resulted into the loss of your leg, which you replaced with robotics and covered in pants.
You're not completely loyal, however. Somedays, you imagine how fun it would be to rebel against Alternia. You never say it in public, but you imagine it. After all, you're pretty low on the hemospectrum, and that's not all roses. You have never told anyone this but your LUSUS. And you know she can't tell anyone else.
You use the SHUFFLE MODUS, which shuffles all the items in your sylladex in a random order. Taking one out is basically luck, as there could be ANY item in ANY spot at ANY given time! You don't use a strife specibus, because you do have some SWEET psychic powers. You can contact the spirits above us and apport items out of thin air. Of course, it's kind of limited to small stones and animals, with the other items being kind of gaudy (Flowers? Perfumes? Seriously?)
Your pesterchum handle is cunningArtist and you speak in -->a kind -of weird way! >8D<--
Reply
07-01-2014, 03:42 PM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2014 03:56 PM by ZeronFX.)
Post: #168
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
It's been a long time, but the crit thread is now back in business. I'll take care of the last two, even if they don't need to be taken care of.

(09-03-2013 09:35 AM)Overnightfuture Wrote:  
[Image: TritisRaekedV4.png]
You are now Tritis Raeked a 7 sweep old Redblood that really needs to slow down.

You're a very hyper troll, always tapping your fingers on stuff to make little beats. Actually, you don't only just tap your fingers, when at your hive you're also usually banging on the Drums. You love drumming, you call it your life passion, you play all the time when your hive. The only other things you ever do is Impressions. You're really talented at doing Impressions, all you need is to hear a voice once and you can do a nearly flawless impression of them. Unfortunately that can make other trolls mad if they hear you mocking them so you've had to recently start taking Parkour Lessons.

You're pretty lucky for a Redblood, since you're in a band that's making a decent amount of money. Unfortunately you still aren't living in the lap of luxury, which might be a good thing considering lots of trolls like to kill other trolls with powers. Oh did you mention you have a psychic power? Yeah, you have the ability to manipulate sound. Though it's more of a utility then a weapon since any sound you manipulate will play in your head first and you don't feel like going deaf anytime soon. If this is to balance out the power, remember that he IS at the bottom of the spectrum. Flat sound manipulation wouldn't be out of the question, in my opinion.

You like to keep active in life, always trying to find something to do, even if all you're doing is tapping your fingers on a table or patting your lap to imitate simple drum patterns. As for other trolls you try to be nice and help out all that are higher then you and anyone closer to your blood color you treat as more of an equal. You feel that the hemospectrum is important and enjoy having discussions about it with highbloods or more open minded lowbloods. I'm not sure I understand his position at all? If he enjoys helping those less fortunate, does he really think the hemospectrum is cool?

Your lusus is a small Lyrebird that you often have shouting matches with. But you still care about him since he helped you master your power.

To protect yourself you wield the Batonkind Specibus. Often you use your drumsticks as your weapon since they are what's usually on you. I'm not sure those qualify as batons...

Your modus you have is the Birdcall Modus, which requires you impress the modus with a variety of sounds using your power. The more valuble the item, the harder to impress the modus it is.

The main issue with this profile is that it is unorganized in ideas, has no flow, and is generally a grammatical mess. I started out trying to help with this, but I pretty much gave up after the first paragraph. I like the troll himself, but I can barely understand his description with this. Heavy revision is advised.

On trollian you go by consistentCrashing and when not Imitating other trolls you Talk on the beat And always end your Sentances with a double Kick..

(02-15-2014 11:39 AM)GM_3826 Wrote:  ==> Be the Crazy One
[Image: xvnf.png][Image: 790a.png]
-->-oh, yeah! while that c-ould describe a MILLI-ON tr-olls, I d-on't think it fits ANY-ONE better than me! >8D<--
Your name is MALUMA DISCOR. You are a GOLDBLOODED MESS OF A PERSON with a BUTTERFLY LUSUS that devours pretty much ANYTHING. I'm assuming this refers to the troll, but it could refer to the lusus. Perhaps it is meant for both? Editing for clarity advised. You naturally love this about yourself, making you a very strange lowblood... Or troll. what You have a variety of INTERESTS. You LOVE watching as the world burns in front of you. You love strife, chaos, discord... Some people think you're a bit of a masochist, especially considering you barely ever stand up to highbloods. You're okay about this. ??? Those entire last two sentences didn't make a lot of sense. You, surprisingly, like READING. You enjoy casting yourself as the characters in the books of Trollkind. The names are just as long as the ones for films, which you find HILARIOUS.
It's worth noting that you weren't ALWAYS that way. Having to raise a butterfly-locust lusus takes a lot out of you, and you find solace in any way you can. You live in a lowblood village close to the sea, so naturally you had to deal with SEADWELLERS for a while. You came to enjoy it! It's fun. Slow down! You jumped from four different topics in two sentences.
You are incredibly ERRATIC. Like this profile! [x] You seem to operate on a constant sugar high, knocking down pots and buildings as you run through EVERYTHING. However, you tend to restrain yourself when speaking to anyone above Oliveblood. Did you not say the opposite before?? You never wish to get into a fight, but when it happens, you enjoy it.
You, however, are REALLY meddlesome and overprotective of those you DO care about. If someone harms your friends, highblood or not, you will fight them. This has gotten you into a few scuffles, one of which resulted into the loss of your leg, which you replaced with robotics and covered in pants. How does she feel about this?
You're not completely loyal, however. Somedays, you imagine how fun it would be to rebel against Alternia. You never say it in public, but you imagine it. After all, you're pretty low on the hemospectrum, and that's not all roses. You have never told anyone this but your LUSUS. And you know she can't tell anyone else.
You use the SHUFFLE MODUS, which shuffles all the items in your sylladex in a random order. Taking one out is basically luck, as there could be ANY item in ANY spot at ANY given time! You don't use a strife specibus, because you do have some SWEET psychic powers. Why wait until now to mention them? You can contact the spirits above us and apport items out of thin air. Of course, it's kind of limited to small stones and animals, with the other items being kind of gaudy (Flowers? Perfumes? Seriously?)
Your pesterchum handle is cunningArtist and you speak in -->a kind -of weird way! >8D<--

The main issue with this profile is that it's too condensed and only loosely organized. I barely know anything about them other than they seem to be a generic crazy troll, and I know this could be so much more. Divide topics into paragraphs, think more on each point about them, and take time to flesh out the profile a bit.

My critiquing magics have ravaged these works.

I now apparently crit in this color.
Reply
07-05-2014, 08:39 AM (This post was last modified: 07-05-2014 08:52 AM by Hi-toppin.)
Post: #169
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Hello! I'm new here and I would love it if someone could give my girl a look. I think I got everything, but I'm not sure about how well it flows and if everything is 100% on par. Thank you for your time!

==> Be the brownblood with a love for digging.
[Image: atHz7jB.png]
Your name is TANILH DAEMIC. You are EIGHT SWEEPS OLD and are a BROWN BLOOD; which of course puts you in the range of PEASANT on the HEMOSPECTRUM. And while the hemospectrum DOESN'T HELP YOU IN THE LEAST, and may in fact MAKE YOU A TARGET, you REFUSE TO FIGHT IT. You've understood since you were a wriggler that ALL REBELLION GETS YOU IS CULLED, and you QUITE LIKE LIVING. As a result, you're VERY POLITE to those SUBSTANTIALLY HIGHER THAN YOU, and are sure to treat them with ONLY THE GREATEST RESPECT. Your fellow lowbloods AREN'T GUARANTEED THIS LUXURY. But enough about this dated system.

As the text above implies, you ABSOLUTELY ADORE DIGGING. You spend MUCH OF YOUR DAYS MAKING TUNNELS, a job that's both good for your body, and BASICALLY REQUIRED by your lusus, ANTMOM. Antmom LOVES TUNNELS and if you don't make sure she has plenty of them SHE'LL FREAK OUT. You DON'T LIKE when she's upset. Not only because she's your LOVING LUSUS, but also because AN ANGRY ANTMOM BITES. She also bites if you SKIP CHORES, TALK BACK, or TRY TO TOUCH HER AT ALL. But man does she LOVE WHEN YOU DIG!

Your many hours DIGGING TUNNELS have EXPANDED YOUR HIVE IMMENSELY. You're really NOT SURE IF THAT'S LEGAL, but at least it gives you MORE ROOM FOR OTHER INTERESTS. First , YOU LOVE GEMS. You started finding them pretty quick in the tunnel making process, and YOU THINK THEY'RE GORGEOUS. Even if YOU'RE PRETTY SURE THEY'RE WORTH NOTHING. You hoard them regardless, STORING THEM UNDERGROUND in several of your makeshift rooms. You used to SIT AND STARE AT THEM when you were a child, but at this point you mostly TAKE A MOMENT TO STARE before FORGETTING THEY EXIST. It's likely that you just COLLECT THEM OUT OF HABIT at this point.

In your ventures underground you have also found VARIOUS MUSHROOMS, and learned they are one of only A FEW PLANTS that would GROW UNDERGROUND. As a result, you TRIED GARDENING. A great choice, not only because MUSHROOMS ARE GREAT, but also because your TALENT FOR BIOMANCY allows you to grow many of them with ease! As a result you have mushrooms to COOK WITH, POISON WITH, AND LIGHT WITH. And since they're SO SIMPLE you can get them out of your RHYTHM MODUS without a lot of hassle with PATTERNS AND SOUNDS. Honestly, you can't believe how -- What? BIOMANCY? Oh yeah!

Since you were BUT A WRIGGLER you've had the innate ability to AFFECT PLANT LIFE WITH YOUR MIND. You can MAKE THEM GROW or KILL THEM COMPLETELY with just a few thoughts and a bit of brain power. And while THESE ARE PRETTY EASY, you can USE MORE ENERGY to do some more fantastic things. These more fantastic things include the ability to MANIPULATE PLANTS. You can MAKE THEM ATTACK those you dislike, or USE THEM FOR TOOLS in the tunnels. Both of these tricks are REALLY TIRING THOUGH, and as a result you ONLY USE THEM WHEN YOU MUST. Besides, your TRUSTY SHOVEL never lets you down in a FIGHT OR DIG DOWN.

You HAVE A COMPUTER, even though it's KIND OF SHITTY. You mostly just USE IT FOR MESSAGING. You, of course, use TROLLIAN for all online interaction. Your trolltag is pluckingPincers, and y( )ur antm( )m'shh influence shh( )wshh when y( )u type.
tl;dr
Name: Tanilh Daemic
Age: 8 sweeps (or 17.33 years)
Trolltag: pluckingPincers
Blood Color: #3F1F00
Quirk: replaces o's and 0's with ( ) (pincers), s's become shh (ss = shhh, so on; represents stridulation).
Fetch Modus: Rhythm Modus - not only requires that the user mimic a unique rhythm to retrieve an item, but also requires various noises (snaps, claps, clicks, hand rubbing, etc).
Strife Specibus: Shovelkind
Lusus: Antmom - a giant ant, about 7 feet long and 4 feet tall. very aggressive, nasty bite. lives in the tunnels.
Reply
07-05-2014, 11:32 AM
Post: #170
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Hey there! We're always glad to see new faces around here. Most discussion nowadays takes place on a group Skype chat. If you'd like to be a part of it, PM me for more information.

(07-05-2014 08:39 AM)Hi-toppin Wrote:  Hello! I'm new here and I would love it if someone could give my girl a look. I think I got everything, but I'm not sure about how well it flows and if everything is 100% on par. Thank you for your time!

==> Be the brownblood with a love for digging.
[Image: atHz7jB.png] No crit, but I'm a huge fan of the sprite.
Your name is TANILH DAEMIC. You are EIGHT SWEEPS OLD and are a BROWN BLOOD; which of course puts you in the range of PEASANT on the HEMOSPECTRUM. And, while the hemospectrum DOESN'T HELP YOU IN THE LEAST, and may in fact MAKE YOU A TARGET, you REFUSE TO FIGHT IT. You've understood since you were a wriggler that ALL REBELLION GETS YOU IS CULLED, and you QUITE LIKE LIVING. As a result, you're VERY POLITE to those SUBSTANTIALLY HIGHER THAN YOU, and are sure to treat them with ONLY THE GREATEST RESPECT. Your fellow lowbloods AREN'T GUARANTEED THIS LUXURY. But enough about this dated system.

As the text above implies, you ABSOLUTELY ADORE DIGGING. Does it? Unless I completely failed to read deeper, there wasn't a thing about digging. Unless you were referring to the command. In which case, you may want to consider revising this, but it might just be that I think it's a little strange. You spend MUCH OF YOUR DAYS MAKING TUNNELS, a job that's both good for your body, and BASICALLY REQUIRED by your lusus, ANTMOM. Antmom LOVES TUNNELS and if you don't make sure she has plenty of them SHE'LL FREAK OUT. You DON'T LIKE when she's upset. Not only because she's your LOVING LUSUS, but also because AN ANGRY ANTMOM BITES. She also bites if you SKIP CHORES, TALK BACK, or TRY TO TOUCH HER AT ALL. But man does she LOVE WHEN YOU DIG!

Your many hours DIGGING TUNNELS have EXPANDED YOUR HIVE IMMENSELY. You're really NOT SURE IF THAT'S LEGAL, but at least it gives you MORE ROOM FOR OTHER INTERESTS. Not really sure why it wouldn't be legal, but that's a minor nitpick. First , YOU LOVE GEMS. You started finding them pretty quick in the tunnel making process, and YOU THINK THEY'RE GORGEOUS. Even if YOU'RE PRETTY SURE THEY'RE WORTH NOTHING. You hoard them regardless, STORING THEM UNDERGROUND in several of your makeshift rooms. You used to SIT AND STARE AT THEM when you were a child, but at this point you mostly TAKE A MOMENT TO STARE before FORGETTING THEY EXIST. It's likely that you just COLLECT THEM OUT OF HABIT at this point. Is she forgetful? Does she just have a lot to do? Why does she simply forget her collection of gems?

In your ventures underground you have also found VARIOUS MUSHROOMS, and learned they are one of only A FEW PLANTS that would GROW UNDERGROUND. As a result, you TRIED GARDENING. A great choice, not only because MUSHROOMS ARE GREAT, but also because your TALENT FOR BIOMANCY allows you to grow many of them with ease! As a result you have mushrooms to COOK WITH, POISON WITH, AND LIGHT WITH. And since they're SO SIMPLE you can get them out of your RHYTHM MODUS without a lot of hassle with PATTERNS AND SOUNDS. Honestly, you can't believe how -- What? BIOMANCY? Oh yeah! Not crit either, but I love this for some reason.

Since you were BUT A WRIGGLER you've had the innate ability to AFFECT PLANT LIFE WITH YOUR MIND. You can MAKE THEM GROW or KILL THEM COMPLETELY with just a few thoughts and a bit of brain power. And while THESE ARE PRETTY EASY, you can USE MORE ENERGY to do some more fantastic things. These more fantastic things include the ability to MANIPULATE PLANTS. You can MAKE THEM ATTACK those you dislike, or USE THEM FOR TOOLS in the tunnels. Both of these tricks are REALLY TIRING THOUGH, and as a result you ONLY USE THEM WHEN YOU MUST. Besides, your TRUSTY SHOVEL never lets you down in a FIGHT OR DIG DOWN.

You HAVE A COMPUTER, even though it's KIND OF SHITTY. You mostly just USE IT FOR MESSAGING. You, of course, use TROLLIAN for all online interaction. Your trolltag is pluckingPincers, and y( )ur antm( )m'shh influence shh( )wshh when y( )u type.

Overall, great character, great profile. It'll be interesting to see what she's like. The only thing I could think of besides my little nitpicks right there is you could include a bit more of what she's like personality-wise.
Oh, and I'd advise cooling a bit with the CAPS LOCK. Not as bad as some profiles, but it's just some advice.
tl;dr
Name: Tanilh Daemic
Age: 8 sweeps (or 17.33 years)
Trolltag: pluckingPincers
Blood Color: #3F1F00
Quirk: replaces o's and 0's with ( ) (pincers), s's become shh (ss = shhh, so on; represents stridulation).
Fetch Modus: Rhythm Modus - not only requires that the user mimic a unique rhythm to retrieve an item, but also requires various noises (snaps, claps, clicks, hand rubbing, etc).
Strife Specibus: Shovelkind
Lusus: Antmom - a giant ant, about 7 feet long and 4 feet tall. very aggressive, nasty bite. lives in the tunnels.

I cast a spell of critique on thee!
Reply
07-05-2014, 12:56 PM (This post was last modified: 07-05-2014 01:01 PM by Hi-toppin.)
Post: #171
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Let's try to get those minor crits taken care of!

==> Be the brownblood with a love for digging.
[Image: atHz7jB.png]
Your name is TANILH DAEMIC. You are EIGHT SWEEPS OLD and are a BROWN BLOOD; which of course puts you in the range of PEASANT on the HEMOSPECTRUM. And while the hemospectrum DOESN'T HELP YOU IN THE LEAST, and may in fact MAKE YOU A TARGET, you REFUSE TO FIGHT IT. You've understood since you were a wriggler that ALL REBELLION GETS YOU IS CULLED, and you QUITE LIKE LIVING. As a result, you're VERY POLITE to those SUBSTANTIALLY HIGHER THAN YOU, and are sure to treat them with ONLY THE GREATEST RESPECT. Your fellow lowbloods AREN'T GUARANTEED THIS LUXURY. But enough about this dated system.

As the intro command implies, you ABSOLUTELY ADORE DIGGING. You spend MUCH OF YOUR DAYS MAKING TUNNELS, a job that's both good for your body, and BASICALLY REQUIRED by your lusus, ANTMOM. Antmom LOVES TUNNELS and if you don't make sure she has plenty of them SHE'LL FREAK OUT. You DON'T LIKE when she's upset. Not only because she's your LOVING LUSUS, but also because AN ANGRY ANTMOM BITES. She also bites if you SKIP CHORES, TALK BACK, or TRY TO TOUCH HER AT ALL. But man does she LOVE WHEN YOU DIG!

And really, what Antmom loves has SHAPED YOU AS A TROLL. She LIKES A TOUGH FIERY GIRL, so that's what you've grown to be. Unless of course you're talking to a highblood. Then you become PRETTY DOCILE and THOROUGHLY CONTROL YOURSELF. Otherwise you're a BIT OF A SPITFIRE. You let your tongue roam free. This can lead to A LOT OF MEAN WORDS, and MORE THAN ONE AGGRESSIVE COMMENT. Especially when someone MESSES WITH YOUR STUFF or IS AGGRESSIVE TOWARDS YOU. In this you're A BIT OF A HYPOCRITE. Of course you can be genuinely kind to others, but that's mostly reserved for CLOSE FRIENDS or your MORE FLUSHED ACQUAINTANCES.

Your many hours DIGGING TUNNELS have EXPANDED YOUR HIVE IMMENSELY. You're really NOT SURE IF THAT'S LEGAL, but at least it gives you MORE ROOM FOR OTHER INTERESTS. First , YOU LOVE GEMS. You started finding them pretty quick in the tunnel making process, and YOU THINK THEY'RE GORGEOUS. Even if YOU'RE PRETTY SURE THEY'RE WORTH NOTHING. You hoard them regardless, STORING THEM UNDERGROUND in several of your makeshift rooms. You used to SIT AND STARE AT THEM when you were a child, but at this point you mostly TAKE A MOMENT TO STARE before IGNORING THEM COMPLETELY. It's likely that you just COLLECT THEM OUT OF HABIT at this point.

In your ventures underground you have also found VARIOUS MUSHROOMS, and learned they are one of only A FEW PLANTS that would GROW UNDERGROUND. As a result, you TRIED GARDENING. A great choice, not only because MUSHROOMS ARE GREAT, but also because your TALENT FOR BIOMANCY allows you to grow many of them with ease! As a result you have mushrooms to COOK WITH, POISON WITH, AND LIGHT WITH. And since they're SO SIMPLE you can get them out of your RHYTHM MODUS without a lot of hassle with PATTERNS AND SOUNDS. Honestly, you can't believe how -- What? BIOMANCY? Oh yeah!

Since you were BUT A WRIGGLER you've had the innate ability to AFFECT PLANT LIFE WITH YOUR MIND. You can MAKE THEM GROW or KILL THEM COMPLETELY with just a few thoughts and a bit of brain power. And while THESE ARE PRETTY EASY, you can USE MORE ENERGY to do some more fantastic things. These more fantastic things include the ability to MANIPULATE PLANTS. You can MAKE THEM ATTACK those you dislike, or USE THEM FOR TOOLS in the tunnels. Both of these tricks are REALLY TIRING THOUGH, and as a result you ONLY USE THEM WHEN YOU MUST. Besides, your TRUSTY SHOVEL never lets you down in a FIGHT OR DIG DOWN.

You HAVE A COMPUTER, even though it's KIND OF SHITTY. You mostly just USE IT FOR MESSAGING. You, of course, use TROLLIAN for all online interaction. Your trolltag is pluckingPincers, and y( )ur antm( )m'shh influence shh( )wshh when y( )u type.
tl;dr
Name: Tanilh Daemic
Age: 8 sweeps (or 17.33 years)
Trolltag: pluckingPincers
Blood Color: #3F1F00
Quirk: replaces o's and 0's with ( ) (pincers), s's become shh (ss = shhh, so on; represents stridulation).
Fetch Modus: Rhythm Modus - not only requires that the user mimic a unique rhythm to retrieve an item, but also requires various noises (snaps, claps, clicks, hand rubbing, etc).
Strife Specibus: Shovelkind
Lusus: Antmom - a giant ant, about 7 feet long and 4 feet tall. very aggressive, nasty bite. lives in the tunnels.
Reply
07-05-2014, 03:07 PM (This post was last modified: 07-05-2014 03:08 PM by ZeronFX.)
Post: #172
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Come back for round 2, eh? I will not be so kind this time around. im totally joking im only here to help

(07-05-2014 12:56 PM)Hi-toppin Wrote:  Let's try to get those minor crits taken care of!

==> Be the brownblood with a love for digging.
[Image: atHz7jB.png]
Your name is TANILH DAEMIC. You are EIGHT SWEEPS OLD and are a BROWN BLOOD; which of course puts you in the range of PEASANT on the HEMOSPECTRUM. And while the hemospectrum DOESN'T HELP YOU IN THE LEAST, and may in fact MAKE YOU A TARGET, you REFUSE TO FIGHT IT. You've understood since you were a wriggler that ALL REBELLION GETS YOU IS CULLED, and you QUITE LIKE LIVING. As a result, you're VERY POLITE to those SUBSTANTIALLY HIGHER THAN YOU, and are sure to treat them with ONLY THE GREATEST RESPECT. Your fellow lowbloods AREN'T GUARANTEED THIS LUXURY. But enough about this dated system.

As the intro command implies, you ABSOLUTELY ADORE DIGGING. You spend MUCH OF YOUR DAYS MAKING TUNNELS, a job that's both good for your body, and BASICALLY REQUIRED by your lusus, ANTMOM. Antmom LOVES TUNNELS and if you don't make sure she has plenty of them SHE'LL FREAK OUT. You DON'T LIKE when she's upset. Not only because she's your LOVING LUSUS, but also because AN ANGRY ANTMOM BITES. She also bites if you SKIP CHORES, TALK BACK, or TRY TO TOUCH HER AT ALL. But man does she LOVE WHEN YOU DIG!

And really, what Antmom loves has SHAPED YOU AS A TROLL. She LIKES A TOUGH FIERY GIRL, so that's what you've grown to be. Unless of course you're talking to a highblood. Then you become PRETTY DOCILE and THOROUGHLY CONTROL YOURSELF. Otherwise you're a BIT OF A SPITFIRE. You let your tongue roam free. This can lead to A LOT OF MEAN WORDS, and MORE THAN ONE AGGRESSIVE COMMENT. Especially when someone MESSES WITH YOUR STUFF or IS AGGRESSIVE TOWARDS YOU. In this you're A BIT OF A HYPOCRITE. Of course you can be genuinely kind to others, but that's mostly reserved for CLOSE FRIENDS or your MORE FLUSHED ACQUAINTANCES.

Your many hours DIGGING TUNNELS have EXPANDED YOUR HIVE IMMENSELY. You're really NOT SURE IF THAT'S LEGAL, but at least it gives you MORE ROOM FOR OTHER INTERESTS. First , YOU LOVE GEMS. You started finding them pretty quick in the tunnel making process, and YOU THINK THEY'RE GORGEOUS. Even if YOU'RE PRETTY SURE THEY'RE WORTH NOTHING. You hoard them regardless, STORING THEM UNDERGROUND in several of your makeshift rooms. You used to SIT AND STARE AT THEM when you were a child, but at this point you mostly TAKE A MOMENT TO STARE before IGNORING THEM COMPLETELY. It's likely that you just COLLECT THEM OUT OF HABIT at this point.

In your ventures underground you have also found VARIOUS MUSHROOMS, and learned they are one of only A FEW PLANTS that would GROW UNDERGROUND. As a result, you TRIED GARDENING. A great choice, not only because MUSHROOMS ARE GREAT, but also because your TALENT FOR BIOMANCY allows you to grow many of them with ease! As a result you have mushrooms to COOK WITH, POISON WITH, AND LIGHT WITH. And since they're SO SIMPLE you can get them out of your RHYTHM MODUS without a lot of hassle with PATTERNS AND SOUNDS. Honestly, you can't believe how -- What? BIOMANCY? Oh yeah!

Since you were BUT A WRIGGLER you've had the innate ability to AFFECT PLANT LIFE WITH YOUR MIND. You can MAKE THEM GROW or KILL THEM COMPLETELY with just a few thoughts and a bit of brain power. And while THESE ARE PRETTY EASY, you can USE MORE ENERGY to do some more fantastic things. These more fantastic things include the ability to MANIPULATE PLANTS. You can MAKE THEM ATTACK those you dislike, or USE THEM FOR TOOLS in the tunnels. Both of these tricks are REALLY TIRING THOUGH, and as a result you ONLY USE THEM WHEN YOU MUST. Besides, your TRUSTY SHOVEL never lets you down in a FIGHT OR DIG DOWN.

You HAVE A COMPUTER, even though it's KIND OF SHITTY. You mostly just USE IT FOR MESSAGING. You, of course, use TROLLIAN for all online interaction. Your trolltag is pluckingPincers, and y( )ur antm( )m'shh influence shh( )wshh when y( )u type.

I don't really have any other advice. You're good in my books.
tl;dr
Name: Tanilh Daemic
Age: 8 sweeps (or 17.33 years)
Trolltag: pluckingPincers
Blood Color: #3F1F00
Quirk: replaces o's and 0's with ( ) (pincers), s's become shh (ss = shhh, so on; represents stridulation).
Fetch Modus: Rhythm Modus - not only requires that the user mimic a unique rhythm to retrieve an item, but also requires various noises (snaps, claps, clicks, hand rubbing, etc).
Strife Specibus: Shovelkind
Lusus: Antmom - a giant ant, about 7 feet long and 4 feet tall. very aggressive, nasty bite. lives in the tunnels.

And the Lord ZeronFX didst return to the thread, and His congregation gasped, for they thought him finished with the profile. And the Lord spoke with a great voice, and He said: 'Looks good.'
Reply
07-07-2014, 12:56 PM (This post was last modified: 07-07-2014 01:00 PM by Hi-toppin.)
Post: #173
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
==> Be the vain fishgirl
[Image: egIIBh1.png]
Your name SCERMI OCTELL. You are 7.5 SWEEPS OLD, and your VIOLET BLOOD places you firmly within the ARISTOCRACY. You thoroughly enjoy the advantages the hemospectrum gives you, and you are more than happy to TALK DOWN TO LOWBLOODS and DEAL WITH HEMOREBELS. In fact you only really appreciate PURPLE BLOODS, hardly tolerating the blue blooded aristocracy.

In general you're a VERY VAIN individual. Your place in troll society has made you CONFIDENT and CONDESCENDING. Thanks to the fact that the only blood truly higher than yours is the Condesce herself, you USE THIS ATTITUDE WITH EVERYONE. The only thing that changes as you move down on the hemospectrum is what you expect in return. Of course ALL LANDDWELLERS SHOULD RESPECT YOU, but how much they need to prostrate themselves depends on their rank and actions. You expect a lowblood to GROVEL AND HANG ON YOUR EVERY WORD, but highbloods are fine as long as they ACT RESPECTFULLY IN YOUR PRESENCE. And maybe help you beat a sludgeblood's head in.

This is JUST HOW STINGMOM RAISED YOU. It seems as if she taught you to ACT BEFITTING OF YOUR CLASS since you hatched. This of course meant observing the hemospectrum, and her guidance lead you to be the HIGH MAINTENANCE TROLL you are today. She was ALWAYS PATIENT IN THESE LESSON. Not that she ever had to with how painful her sting was. To this day she's THE ONLY FORCE YOU NEVER CROSS. Except, of course, the Condesce.

Your hive is a HUGE UNDERWATER CASTLE, with more than enough space to house your VARIOUS INTERESTS. For one thing, you REALLY ENJOY TREASURE. Now, this isn't strictly treasure from islands or caves, even though you do enjoy them. More specifically, YOU ENJOY OTHER PEOPLE'S TREASURE. You've got sticky fingers, though usually you're not so much picking pockets as you are OPENING COLD DEAD HANDS. You have everything from LUSUS CARCASSES, to MOUNTED HORNS, to SIMPLE POSSESSIONS. You, of course, HAVE ROOMS DEVOTED TO EACH in your hive.

Of course YOU'RE NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE. You've ALSO GOT A WAY WITH MEDICINE. Not all cullings can end with minor scratches and a couple trophies, YOU KNOW THIS PRETTY WELL. Honestly, you've gotten some pretty nasty wounds. Stingmom insisted you LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOURSELF, just in case she's not available some time. So, through a mixture of TREATING YOUR OWN WOUNDS and FORCING OTHERS TO LET YOU TREAT THEIRS. You've beaten more than one troll within an inch of their life, only to drag them back to your hive and try to treat them. Before CULLING THEM FOR REAL of course.

Finally, you've TAKEN UP KNITTING. A former moirail thought you WERE GOING OFF THE DEEP END. Their idea was that you were TOO INTO CULLING, and you needed another hobby to cycle energy into. It's too bad YOUR RELATIONSHIP WENT BAD, because while you've never believed that there's such a thing as enjoying a good culling too much, they were right about the knitting. Now when you're especially frustrated and it's not a good time to hunt down a fight you instead sit at home and knit. YOU'RE NOT THAT GOOD AT IT and wouldn't be caught dead in anything you've made. But it's still a way to vent.

You keep treasure, knitting supplies, and any other items you need in your WHACKAMODUS. It really tries your attention and KEEPS YOUR REFLEXES SHARP. Your CLUBKIND SPECIBUS is perfect for it too, making it MORE THAN JUST A TOOL FOR BREAKING BONES. Among your more miscellaneous items is your laptop, which has TROLLIAN installed for all your chatting needs. You are viciousUltimatum and you ta~k in a way that ~et's your voice f~ow ~ike the ocean.
tl;dr
Name: Scermi Octell
Age: 7.5 sweeps
Trolltag: viciousUltimatum
Blood Color: #661D59
Quirk: replaces l's with ~
Fetch Modus: WhackAModus - all items are connected to a flailing tentacle. Items can only be obtained through striking the tentacle.
Strife Specibus: Clubkind
Lusus: Stingmom - A huge Jellyfish reminiscent of Earth's Lion's Mane Jellyfish with tentacles 80 feet long and a vicious sting.
Reply
07-07-2014, 01:38 PM
Post: #174
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
I'm on the case, unfortunately.

(07-07-2014 12:56 PM)Hi-toppin Wrote:  ==> Be the vain fishgirl
[Image: egIIBh1.png] How did she get those horn rings on? Not really crit but I'd like to know :P
Your name SCERMI OCTELL. You are 7.5 SWEEPS OLD, and your VIOLET BLOOD places you firmly within the ARISTOCRACY. You thoroughly enjoy the advantages the hemospectrum gives you, and you are more than happy to TALK DOWN TO LOWBLOODS and DEAL WITH HEMOREBELS. In fact you only really appreciate PURPLE BLOODS, hardly tolerating the blue blooded aristocracy. yes good

In general you're a VERY VAIN individual. Your place in troll society has made you CONFIDENT and CONDESCENDING. Thanks to the fact that the only blood truly higher than yours is the Condesce herself, you USE THIS ATTITUDE WITH EVERYONE. The only thing that changes as you move down on the hemospectrum is what you expect in return. Of course ALL LANDDWELLERS SHOULD RESPECT YOU, but how much they need to prostrate themselves depends on their rank and actions. You expect a lowblood to GROVEL AND HANG ON YOUR EVERY WORD, but highbloods are fine as long as they ACT RESPECTFULLY IN YOUR PRESENCE. And maybe help you beat a sludgeblood's head in.

This is JUST HOW STINGMOM RAISED YOU. It seems as if she taught you to ACT BEFITTING OF YOUR CLASS since you hatched. This of course meant observing the hemospectrum, and her guidance lead you to be the HIGH MAINTENANCE TROLL you are today. She was ALWAYS PATIENT IN THESE LESSONS. Not that she ever had to with how painful her sting was. To this day she's THE ONLY FORCE YOU NEVER CROSS. Except, of course, the Condesce.

Your hive is a HUGE UNDERWATER CASTLE, with more than enough space to house your VARIOUS INTERESTS. For one thing, you REALLY ENJOY TREASURE. Now, this isn't strictly treasure from islands or caves, even though you do enjoy them. More specifically, YOU ENJOY OTHER PEOPLE'S TREASURE. You've got sticky fingers, though usually you're not so much picking pockets as you are OPENING COLD DEAD HANDS. You have everything from LUSUS CARCASSES, to MOUNTED HORNS, to SIMPLE POSSESSIONS. You, of course, HAVE ROOMS DEVOTED TO EACH in your hive.

Of course YOU'RE NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE. You've ALSO GOT A WAY WITH MEDICINE. Not all cullings can end with minor scratches and a couple trophies, YOU KNOW THIS PRETTY WELL. Honestly, you've gotten some pretty nasty wounds. Stingmom insisted you LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOURSELF, just in case she's not available some time. So, through a mixture of TREATING YOUR OWN WOUNDS and FORCING OTHERS TO LET YOU TREAT THEIRS. You've beaten more than one troll within an inch of their life, only to drag them back to your hive and try to treat them. Before CULLING THEM FOR REAL of course.

Finally, you've TAKEN UP KNITTING. A former moirail thought you WERE GOING OFF THE DEEP END. Their idea was that you were TOO INTO CULLING, and you needed another hobby to cycle energy into. It's too bad YOUR RELATIONSHIP WENT BAD, because while you've never believed that there's such a thing as enjoying a good culling too much, they were right about the knitting. Now when you're especially frustrated and it's not a good time to hunt down a fight you instead sit at home and knit. YOU'RE NOT THAT GOOD AT IT and wouldn't be caught dead in anything you've made. But it's still a way to vent.

You keep treasure, knitting supplies, and any other items you need in your WHACKAMODUS. It really tries your attention and KEEPS YOUR REFLEXES SHARP. Your CLUBKIND SPECIBUS is perfect for it too, making it MORE THAN JUST A TOOL FOR BREAKING BONES. Among your more miscellaneous items is your laptop, which has TROLLIAN installed for all your chatting needs. You are viciousUltimatum and you ta~k in a way that ~et's your voice f~ow ~ike the ocean.

I don't have much to say about this one. Great job! Put her up in the profile thread and heave her into the café as fresh meat for the other trolls to feast upon.
tl;dr
Name: Scermi Octell
Age: 7.5 sweeps
Trolltag: viciousUltimatum
Blood Color: #661D59
Quirk: replaces l's with ~
Fetch Modus: WhackAModus - all items are connected to a flailing tentacle. Items can only be obtained through striking the tentacle.
Strife Specibus: Clubkind
Lusus: Stingmom - A huge Jellyfish reminiscent of Earth's Lion's Mane Jellyfish with tentacles 80 feet long and a vicious sting.

You have found yourself in a critique charm!

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
07-09-2014, 11:22 AM (This post was last modified: 07-09-2014 04:56 PM by ZeronFX.)
Post: #175
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Well, here goes.

> Be the masked vigilante.
Let us n<o>t.
> Be the travelling salesman.
Go---od. I prefer this better.
[Image: aL6tJuD.png]

Your name is VICAXE OBSURA, and you're a bit of a drifter.

You're fresh into your EIGHTH SWEEP, and you are surprisingly HEMOLOYAL. You know full well that your choice of ANONYMITY has automatically ranked you far down on the ladder, and you honestly don't mind that much. You've never really needed the validation and wealth that come with being on the higher end, and you're not to keen on spitting on other trolls because they're low. You'll gladly treat highbloods with the respect demanded by the spectrum, but most of them want to beat you up for being an ANON anyway. What a life.

In an ironic twist, you actually PROTECT THE HEMOSPECTRUM WITH FORCE, cutting down REBELLIOUS SCUM with your trusty HYPERLIGHT BLADE. A RELIC of ancient times, the sword uses a mysterious kind of energy known only as HYPERLIGHT, named so for its bright flashing colors, to sever precious parts of an opponent's body. Coupled with your not-so-trusty and actually pretty unreliable HYPERLIGHT PISTOL, you vow to vanquish HEMOREBELS from the planet in hopes of gaining highblood favor.

As the introduction pointed out in a vain attempt at humor, you're quite the DRIFTER. You're rarely ever at your medium-sized hive, instead option to be OUTSIDE most times of night, roaming about. You love exploring the landscapes of Alternia, perhaps even stumbling upon INTERESTING RELICS that you either sell to passerby or keep for yourself. The relics have earned you QUITE THE PROFIT as well as flooded more than a few rooms of your hive in such junk. In fact, this is how you garnered your signature weapons. Your LUSUS would be quite peeved because of this if not for the fact that he does not spend much time at the hive either. No, it is actually WOLFDAD that gave you your DRIFTING TENDENCIES in the first place, always pushing you to get out of the hive at a young age.

These RELICS have in part led to your other hobby: STORYTELLING. We're not talking grubrhymes here, we're talking about EPICS, stories of legend that take hours to be told but are quite entertaining to sit through. It is almost a LOST ART in the heavily digitized Alternia of today, but the few trolls who have been willing to entertain your stories have agreed that they are indeed quite entertaining. You have many memorized and are quite eager to share them with those who will listen.

You consider yourself very EVEN-TEMPERED and LEVELHEADED when compared to other trolls. You'll give respect to even the LOWEST OF REDBLOODS, though you'll obviously give a heap more towards SEADWELLERS. You're pretty QUICK-WITTED and tend to say cool in tense situations. You try not to start any ARGUMENTS or FIGHTS, the latter of which are only initiated by you if the other troll reveals themselves to be REBELLIOUS.

Your POWER, aka PROBABLY THE ONLY REASON YOU STAY ALIVE, is to almost instantaneously move about ten feet in any desired direction. While it is without a doubt very useful and has saved your skin many times, you really wish you had received something a bit more POTENT. You can use your ability as much as you want, as long as you're ready to suffer SEVERE MENTAL STRAIN afterwards.

Your only computer is your SMARTPHONE, which you keep with you at all times, mainly for interacting with the FRIENDS you have made all over.
Your trolltag is hyperlightDrifter and y<o>u have an interesting way <o>f speaking, n<o> d<o>ubt acquired fr<o>m y<o>ur travels.

AGE: 8 Solar Sweeps
TROLLTAG: hyperlightDrifter
BLOOD COLOR: It is a Mystery (#7c7c7c)
TYPING QUIRK: "o" => "<o>" ; "oo" => "o---o" ; tends to be verbose
SYMBOL: Discovery
LUSUS: Wolf
STRIFE SPECIBUS: hyperlightKind
POWER: Speed dashing
FETCH MODUS: Chroma (A card is stored in a certain color, only being able to be exchanged for an item of similar color)
TITLE:
LAND:
MOON:

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
07-10-2014, 02:26 AM (This post was last modified: 07-10-2014 12:19 PM by Hi-toppin.)
Post: #176
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(07-09-2014 11:22 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  Well, here goes.
crit in red
> Be the masked vigilante.
Let us n<o>t.
> Be the travelling salesman.
Go---od. I prefer this better.
[Image: aL6tJuD.png]

Your name is VICAXE OBSURA, and you're a bit of a drifter.

You're fresh into your EIGHTH SWEEP, and you are surprisingly HEMOLOYAL. You know full well that your choice of ANONYMITY has automatically ranked you far down on the ladder, and you honestly don't mind that much. You've never really needed the validation and wealth that come with being on the higher end, and you're not to keen on spitting on other trolls because they're low. You'll gladly treat highbloods with the respect demanded by the spectrum, but most of them want to beat you up for being an ANON anyway. What a life.

In an ironic twist, you actually PROTECT THE HEMOSPECTRUM WITH FORCE, cutting down REBELLIOUS SCUM with your trusty HYPERLIGHT BLADE. A RELIC of ancient times, the sword uses a mysterious kind of energy known only as HYPERLIGHT, named so for its bright flashing colors, to sever precious parts of an opponent's body. This is pretty vague, especially with the word "precious". I know you wouldn't abuse this, but you might consider reworking this explanation. Coupled with your not-so-trusty and actually pretty unreliable HYPERLIGHT PISTOL why is it unreliable?, you vow to vanquish HEMOREBELS from the planet in hopes of gaining highblood favor.

As the introduction pointed out in a vain attempt at humor, you're quite the DRIFTER. You're rarely ever at your medium-sized hive, instead option opting? to be OUTSIDE most times of night, roaming about. You love exploring the landscapes of Alternia, perhaps even stumbling upon INTERESTING RELICS that you either sell to passerby or keep for yourself. The relics have earned you QUITE THE PROFIT as well as flooded more than a few rooms of your hive in such junk. In fact, this is how you garnered your signature weapons. Your LUSUS would be quite peeved because of this if not for the fact that he does not spend much time at the hive either. No, it is actually WOLFDAD that gave you your DRIFTING TENDENCIES in the first place, always pushing you to get out of the hive at a young age.

These RELICS have in part led to your other hobby: STORYTELLING. We're not talking grubrhymes here, we're talking about EPICS, stories of legend that take hours to be told but are quite entertaining to sit through. It is almost a LOST ART in the heavily digitized Alternia of today, but the few trolls who have been willing to entertain your stories have agreed that they are indeed quite entertaining. You have many memorized and are quite eager to share them with those who will listen.

You consider yourself very EVEN-TEMPERED and LEVELHEADED when compared to other trolls. You'll give respect to even the LOWEST OF REDBLOODS, though you'll obviously give a heap more towards SEADWELLERS. You're pretty QUICK-WITTED and tend to say cool in tense situations. You try not to start any ARGUMENTS or FIGHTS, the latter of which are only initiated by you if the other troll reveals themselves to be REBELLIOUS.

Your POWER, aka PROBABLY THE ONLY REASON YOU STAY ALIVE, is to almost instantaneously move about ten feet in any desired direction. While it is without a doubt very useful and has saved your skin many times, you really wish you had received something a bit more POTENT. You can use your ability as much as you want, as long as you're ready to suffer SEVERE MENTAL STRAIN afterwards.

Your only computer is your SMARTPHONE, which you keep with you at all times, mainly for interacting with the FRIENDS you have made all over.
Your trolltag is hyperlightDrifter and y<o>u have an interesting way <o>f speaking, n<o> d<o>ubt acquired fr<o>m y<o>ur travels.

AGE: 8 Solar Sweeps
TROLLTAG: hyperlightDrifter
BLOOD COLOR: It is a Mystery (#7c7c7c)
TYPING QUIRK: "o" => "<o>" ; "oo" => "o---o" ; tends to be verbose
SYMBOL: Discovery
LUSUS: Wolf
STRIFE SPECIBUS: hyperlightKind
POWER: Speed dashing
FETCH MODUS: Chroma (A card is stored in a certain color, only being able to be exchanged for an item of similar color)
TITLE:
LAND:
MOON:

Meta Knight Vicaxe is looking good aside from some minor stuff!

And now my troll!

==> Be the ever-smiling clown
[Image: Krc3viU.png]
Your name is MINTRA SELPAR, and you are an 8.5 SWEEP OLD aspiring SUBJUGGLATOR. This of course means you have INDIGO BLOOD which in turn means you have traits some may deem UNSTABLE, a fact that when coupled with your GREAT SIZE AND STRENGTH makes you quite the terror. Though really, that just means it's easier to keep the pecking order in check, a task your future profession demands be done.

When it comes to social situations you LOVE ENTERTAINING OTHERS. Or more accurately, you love entertaining yourself but appreciate an audience. The ways you entertain yourself vary, with everything from JUGGLING, to KARAOKE, to SOME CASUAL CULLING all doing the job. If you're not bored as is you're open to JUST TALKING WITH OTHERS as long as they DON'T INTERRUPT YOU. You hate being interrupted, and the consequences for that are VERY STEEP FOR EVERYONE.

If you're under stress or frustrated by something you DON'T ALWAYS LAND ON YOUR FEET. While you're able to keep your cool a lot of the time, and in fact are generally pretty agreeable in most situations, there are things that just SET YOU OFF. Small things that nag at your SUSCEPTIBLE ANGER. A fact that is in part due to your LUSUS Satyrma's influence. She's always favored STRENGTH OVER LOGIC, and raised you to be a powerful troll that lets her emotion move her more than one who can keep herself level under stress. In fact she quite enjoys seeing you in a rage, and thinks it's great that you can HIDE IT BEHIND SMILES like a proper predator. And, her being your lusus, you've never doubted her.

When not in the forest training with Satyrma you live within your MAZE OF A HIVE. While on the outside it may seem to be an average mansion, the inside is full of hallways which lead to everything from dead ends to cliff-like drops. You find navigating the maze to be FUN, and leave many of your props and instruments scattered about the hallways.

As mentioned earlier you LOVE PERFORMING. It's the most reliable way to KEEP YOURSELF CALM and to keep a crowd laugh. As a result you're a JACK OF ALL TRADES when it comes to putting on a show. Name an act, and you can do it. Juggling, riding, singing, dancing, and the ability to play a large range of instruments are ALL TALENTS YOU POSSESS. While you're NO PROFESSIONAL AT ANY OF THEM, you can do all competently and quite enjoy each one. A good thing too since you need to know them for your PERFORMANCE MODUS.

You also APPRECIATE A GOOD GAME. Your favorite are BOARD GAMES. At one point you did give FLARP a try, but it never really tried your brain or your body. So, instead you turned to SIMPLER MIND GAMES. You're quite good at a lot of STRATEGY GAMES despite your occasional insanity, and nothing makes you happier than DEFEATING SOMEONE IN A TEST OF WITS. Sadly, friends aren't exactly a constant in your life, so usually you just PLAY CHECKERS AGAINST YOURSELF. Probably good since you're a bit of a SORE LOSER.

Finally, you ADORE ANIMALS. All the time spent in the forest with Satyrma have made you CAPABLE OF FIGHTING THE BIGGER ONES and HAPPY TO CARE FOR SMALLER ONES. If either get out of line you just have to pull out your TONFAS and beat them about a bit to calm them down. Every once and awhile you even ADOPT A FEW. Your hive could be described as a zoo on many days, in the same way some would simply call it a toybox with how everything lays in a mess on your floor from door to hallway to room.

When all else fails, you go to your COMPUTER to talk to your few friends over TROLLIAN in the hope that they can keep you entertained. You use the name winsomeAlleviation and sp-ak *n a lax and short ton-.
tl;dr
Name: Mintra Selpar
Age: 8.5 sweeps
Trolltag: winsomeAlleviation
Blood Color: #5900B2
Quirk: no capitalization, "i" becomes *, e becomes -
Fetch Modus: Performance Modus - all items are assigned a certain kind of performance that must be done to retrieve it.
Strife Specibus: Tonfakind
Lusus: Satyrma - A creature with two goat legs and a humanoid upper half. About 9ft tall and very strong. Spends most of her time in the forest.
Reply
07-10-2014, 11:55 AM (This post was last modified: 07-10-2014 11:55 AM by ZeronFX.)
Post: #177
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(07-10-2014 02:26 AM)Hi-toppin Wrote:  [quote='ZeronFX' pid='68456' dateline='1404865331']
[insert huge nerd here]

And now my troll!

==> Be the ever-smiling clown
[Image: Krc3viU.png]
Your name is MINTRA SELPAR, and you are an 8.5 SWEEP OLD aspiring SUBJUGGLATOR. This of course means you have INDIGO BLOOD which in turn means you have traits some may deem UNSTABLE, a fact that when coupled with your GREAT SIZE AND STRENGTH makes you quite the terror. Though really, that just means it's easier to keep the pecking order in check, a task your future profession demands be done. This is probably some sort of common phrase that I'm not familiar with, but "pecking order" sounds a little weird to me.

When it comes to social situations you LOVE ENTERTAINING OTHERS. Or more accurately, you love entertaining yourself but appreciate an audience. The ways you entertain yourself vary, with everything from JUGGLING, to KARAOKE, to SOME CASUAL CULLING all doing the job. If you're not bored as is you're open to JUST TALKING WITH OTHERS as long as they DON'T INTERRUPT YOU. You hate being interrupted, and the consequences for that are VERY STEEP FOR EVERYONE.

These, among other things, are traits many call UNSTABLE. You have too many triggers for your anger and no real way to calm down safely. A lot of this can be contributed to your LUSUS. Satyrma has never really been a great influence on you. She's BEEN THERE CONSISTENTLY, but she's worked more on making you strong than kind or logical. She's PROUD OF YOUR RAGE, and especially appreciates the way you HIDE IT BEHIND EVER WIDENING SMILES like a good predator. And for the most part you trust her judgement on the matter. Be careful with the unstable bit. I'm sure you're aware, but too many people makes "insane" subjugglators as a way of making the character "edgy" or "cool". I do like the explanation for the smiles though.

When not in the forest training with Satyrma you live within your MAZE OF A HIVE. While on the outside it may seem to be an average mansion, the inside is full of hallways which lead to everything from dead ends to cliff-like drops. You find navigating the maze to be FUN, and leave many of your props and instruments scattered about the hallways.

As mentioned earlier you LOVE PERFORMING. It's the most reliable way to KEEP YOURSELF CALM and to keep a crowd laugh. As a result you're a JACK OF ALL TRADES when it comes to putting on a show. Name an act, and you can do it. Juggling, riding, singing, dancing, and the ability to play a large range of instruments are ALL TALENTS YOU POSSESS. While you're NO PROFESSIONAL AT ANY OF THEM, you can do all competently and quite enjoy each one. A good thing too since you need to know them for your PERFORMANCE MODUS.

You also APPRECIATE A GOOD GAME. Your favorite are BOARD GAMES. At one point you did give FLARP a try, but it never really tried your brain or your body. So, instead you turned to SIMPLER MIND GAMES. You're quite good at a lot of STRATEGY GAMES despite your occasional insanity, :( and nothing makes you happier than DEFEATING SOMEONE IN A TEST OF WITS. Sadly, friends aren't exactly a constant in your life, so usually you just PLAY CHECKERS AGAINST YOURSELF. Probably good since you're a bit of a SORE LOSER.

Finally, you ADORE ANIMALS. All the time spent in the forest with Satyrma have made you CAPABLE OF FIGHTING THE BIGGER ONES and HAPPY TO CARE FOR SMALLER ONES. If either get out of line you just have to pull out your TONFAS and beat them about a bit to calm them down. Every once and awhile you even ADOPT A FEW. Your hive could be described as a zoo on many days, in the same way some would simply call it a toybox with how everything lays in a mess on your floor from door to hallway to room.

When all else fails, you go to your COMPUTER to talk to your few friends over TROLLIAN in the hope that they can keep you entertained. You use the name winsomeAlleviation and sp-ak *n a lax and short tone.

She's pretty good, the main thing I'm worried about is the "crazed lunatic" subtype going on here. I have faith you'll do it well, though.
tl;dr
Name: Mintra Selpar
Age: 8.5 sweeps
Trolltag: winsomeAlleviation
Blood Color: #5900B2
Quirk: no capitalization, "i" becomes *, e becomes -
Fetch Modus: Performance Modus - all items are assigned a certain kind of performance that must be done to retrieve it.
Strife Specibus: Tonfakind
Lusus: Satyrma - A creature with two goat legs and a humanoid upper half. About 9ft tall and very strong. Spends most of her time in the forest.

You know the drill.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
07-14-2014, 12:33 PM (This post was last modified: 07-15-2014 09:11 AM by Hi-toppin.)
Post: #178
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[Image: Myp1i4K.png]
Your name is OPTARI HARSTA and you are a 7.5 SWEEPS OLD and you are DEFINITELY A PEASANT. This is made pretty clear by RED BLOOD; seen clearly thanks to the symbol on your shirt. You REALLY DISLIKE THE HEMOSPECTRUM, but you tend to keep that between you and those in your caste. You would hate for your words to reach the ears of a highblood and get in trouble as a result. Honestly, IT'S NOT WORTH THE CONFLICT.

This attitude is just what your lusus wants from you. SCREECHDAD IS VERY LOVING. He always has been. Since you were little he's cared for you with a GENTLE WING and STRONG VOCAL CHORDS. One of the few Lusii who can truly yell at you until you stop. You appreciate the way he was gentle and kind with you as a child, and it's out of this gratitude that you treat others how he treated you. With a soft tone and gentle hands when you can manage. You also thank him through GRATUITOUS OFFERINGS OF CITRUS FRUITS. But those are less noteworthy.

You really enjoy CARING FOR OTHERS and HELPING THEM GROW. These traits are helped along thanks to one of your INTERESTS. You absolutely love BUG KEEPING. At any time your modest hut of a hive is filled with several glass cases containing your "children". Tons of insects, arachnids, and anything else that creeps and crawls. Your favorite are HOPBUGS. Not only because they're such good jumpers, but also because you FEED THEM TO SCREECHDAD when his favorite food isn't around. You hate to send them to their deaths, but your lusus is just so happy for the treat.

As mentioned earlier, you really enjoy hopbugs because they can jump. This is because you're KIND OF SHORT, and as a result you LIKE ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE YOU TALLER. This is a big reason for another of your interests. CLIMBING. At first you got into it because so many bugs enjoy living in trees, but as time went on and you grew older you realized you LOVED THE PERSPECTIVE. The new look where you can see everything. The love of heights also allows you to stargaze, an activity you also enjoy. All the climbing has also helped you use your REACH MODUS.

Finally, you're quite opposite to many trolls in that you're FIERCELY PACIFISTIC. While it would be great if this was because of you're own values, it's not. You HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH FIGHTING, but the circumstances involving your blood and what it means for you have made it LESS THAN OPTIMAL. As a result you've learned how to fight in a passive manner, using your PIPEKIND to both tranquilize other with darts, and to quickly knock them out with a quick smack to the head.

When you lock eyes with someone else it opens up an INVOLUNTARY PSYCHIC CHANNEL. Instead of allowing telepathy or some form of mind control it instead forces PHYSICAL EMPATHY. More specifically, it causes the person in your gaze to feel any and all pain that you feel, and you to feel any of theirs. Due to this fact you tend to AVOID EYE CONTACT, a tactic that can make conversation a challenge. In extreme circumstances you can make the empathy go only one way. This essentially removes all of your pain and puts it on another person, or vice versa taking their pain and putting it on yourself. This, however, puts both your body and mind under a lot of stress. As a result it is done very rarely.

Online you are called sufferingConglomerate, and you y_u keep y_ur eyes d_wn when y_u talk.
tl;dr
Name: Optari Harsta
Age: 7.5 sweeps
Gender: Male
Height: 5'4''
Trolltag: sufferingConglomerate
Blood Color: #A50000
Quirk: o's become _
Fetch Modus: Reach Modus - the item is suspended in the air in a place where it can be reached. Usually will require climbing and a bit of acrobatics. The more valuable it is the higher it'll be.
Strife Specibus: Pipekind - uses blowpipes with paralyzing darts for range and a pretty average metal pipe to knock out opponents. usually just uses powers to protect himself.
Lusus: Screechdad - a bat about 4ft tall. can weaponize screeches and loves citrus.
Reply
07-15-2014, 08:20 AM
Post: #179
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(07-14-2014 12:33 PM)Hi-toppin Wrote:  [Image: Myp1i4K.png]
Your name is OPTARI HARSTA and you are a 7.5 SWEEPS OLD and you are DEFINITELY A PEASANT. This is made pretty clear by RED BLOOD, and seen clearly thanks to the symbol on your shirt. You REALLY DISLIKE THE HEMOSPECTRUM, but you tend to keep that between you and those in your caste. You would hate for your words to reach the ears of a highblood and get in trouble as a result. Honestly, IT'S NOT WORTH THE CONFLICT.

This attitude is just what your lusus wants from you. SCREECHDAD IS VERY LOVING. He always has been. Since you were little he's cared for you with a GENTLE WING and STRONG VOCAL CHORDS. One of the few Lusii who can truly yell at you until you stop. You appreciate the way he was gentle and kind with you as a child, and it's out of this gratitude that you treat others how he treated you. With a soft tone and gentle hands when you can manage. You also thank him through GRATUITOUS OFFERINGS OF CITRUS FRUITS. But those are less noteworthy.

You really enjoy CARING FOR OTHERS and HELPING THEM GROW. These traits are helped along thanks to one of your INTERESTS. You absolutely love BUG KEEPING. At any time your modest hut of a hive is filled with several glass cases containing your "children". Tons of insects, arachnids, and anything else that creeps and crawls. Your favorite are HOPBUGS. Not only because they're such good jumpers, but also because you FEED THEM TO SCREECHDAD when his favorite food isn't around. You hate to send them to their deaths, but your lusus is just so happy for the treat.

As mentioned earlier, you really enjoy hopbugs because they can jump. This is because you're KIND OF SHORT, and as a result you LIKE ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE YOU TALLER. This is a big reason for another of your interests. CLIMBING. At first you got into it because so many bugs enjoy living in trees, but as time went on and you grew older you realized you LOVED THE PERSPECTIVE. The new look where you can see everything. The love of heights also allows you to stargaze, an activity you also enjoy. All the climbing has also helped you use your REACH MODUS.

Finally, you're quite opposite to many trolls in that you're FIERCELY PACIFISTIC. While it would be great if this was because of you're own values, it's not. You HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH FIGHTING, but the circumstances involving your blood and what it means for you have made it LESS THAN OPTIMAL. As a result you've learned how to fight in a passive manner, using your PIPEKIND to both tranquilize other with darts, and to quickly knock them out with a quick smack to the head.

When you lock eyes with someone else it opens up an INVOLUNTARY PSYCHIC CHANNEL. Instead of allowing telepathy or some form of mind control it instead forces PHYSICAL EMPATHY. More specifically, it causes the person in your gaze to feel any and all pain you feel, and you to feel any of theirs. Due to this fact you tend to AVOID EYE CONTACT, a tactic that can make conversation a challenge.

While you of course have your pipekind specibus, you DON'T USE IT in combat. Instead you tend to LOCK EYE WITH OPPONENTS and let them find out how your power works on their own. In extreme circumstances you can CUT OFF ONE OF THE CHANNELS. This means you can either force your pain on them or take their pain away. Both of these can only be done for a couple minutes without causing SERIOUS PAIN and STRESS RELATED INJURIES. It's also important to note that injuries are not transferred, only pain, and once the link is broken all pain returns to its intended host. You may want to reword this. I couldn't really understand what you were trying to say.

Online you are called sufferingConglomerate, and you y_u keep y_ur eyes d_wn when y_u talk.

CAPITALIZATION is always an issue, but aside from that the dude looks pretty good.
tl;dr
Name: Optari Harsta
Age: 7.5 sweeps
Gender: Male
Height: 5'4''
Trolltag: sufferingConglomerate
Blood Color: #A50000
Quirk: o's become _
Fetch Modus: Reach Modus - the item is suspended in the air in a place where it can be reached. Usually will require climbing and a bit of acrobatics. The more valuable it is the higher it'll be.
Strife Specibus: Pipekind - uses blowpipes with paralyzing darts for range and a pretty average metal pipe to knock out opponents. usually just uses powers to protect himself.
Lusus: Screechdad - a bat about 4ft tall. can weaponize screeches and loves citrus.

[Statement that involves some variation on magic and crit being in orange text]

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
07-16-2014, 10:24 AM (This post was last modified: 07-16-2014 10:27 AM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #180
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(07-09-2014 11:22 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  Well, here goes.

> Be the masked vigilante.
Let us n<o>t.
> Be the travelling salesman.
Go---od. I prefer this better.
[Image: aL6tJuD.png]

Your name is VICAXE OBSURA, and you're a bit of a drifter.

You're fresh into your EIGHTH SWEEP, and you are surprisingly HEMOLOYAL. You know full well that your choice of ANONYMITY has automatically ranked you far down on the ladder, and you honestly don't mind that much. You've never really needed the validation and wealth that come with being on the higher end, and you're not to keen on spitting on other trolls because they're low. You'll gladly treat highbloods with the respect demanded by the spectrum, but most of them want to beat you up for being an ANON anyway. What a life. Why is he Hemoloyal? The Hemospectrum is why he's going to die in two Sweeps, at least that's how it seems, because the way this is worded makes it sound like he's a mutant via having a blood color that wouldn't have powers, but having powers anyway.

In an ironic twist, you actually PROTECT THE HEMOSPECTRUM WITH FORCE, cutting down REBELLIOUS SCUM with your trusty HYPERLIGHT BLADE. A what? What is hyperlight? This needs to be explained. It also sounds like something that'd be really out of place in this setting. A RELIC of ancient times, the sword uses a mysterious kind of energy known only as HYPERLIGHT, named so for its bright flashing colors, to sever precious parts of an opponent's body. Coupled with your not-so-trusty and actually pretty unreliable How is it unreliable? Why would he use it if it can't be relied on? HYPERLIGHT PISTOL, you vow to vanquish HEMOREBELS from the planet in hopes of gaining highblood favor.

As the introduction pointed out in a vain attempt at humor, you're quite the DRIFTER. You're rarely ever at your medium-sized hive, instead option to be OUTSIDE most times of night, roaming about. You love exploring the landscapes of Alternia, perhaps even stumbling upon INTERESTING RELICS that you either sell to passerby or keep for yourself. The relics have earned you QUITE THE PROFIT as well as flooded more than a few rooms of your hive in such junk. In fact, this is how you garnered your signature weapons. Your LUSUS would be quite peeved because of this if not for the fact that he does not spend much time at the hive either. No, it is actually WOLFDAD that gave you your DRIFTING TENDENCIES in the first place, always pushing you to get out of the hive at a young age.

These RELICS have in part led to your other hobby: STORYTELLING. We're not talking grubrhymes here, we're talking about EPICS, stories of legend that take hours to be told but are quite entertaining to sit through. It is almost a LOST ART in the heavily digitized Alternia of today, but the few trolls who have been willing to entertain your stories have agreed that they are indeed quite entertaining. You have many memorized and are quite eager to share them with those who will listen.

You consider yourself very EVEN-TEMPERED and LEVELHEADED when compared to other trolls. You'll give respect to even the LOWEST OF REDBLOODS, though you'll obviously give a heap more towards SEADWELLERS. You're pretty QUICK-WITTED and tend to say cool in tense situations. You try not to start any ARGUMENTS or FIGHTS, the latter of which are only initiated by you if the other troll reveals themselves to be REBELLIOUS.

Your POWER, aka PROBABLY THE ONLY REASON YOU STAY ALIVE, is to almost instantaneously move about ten feet in any desired direction. While it is without a doubt very useful and has saved your skin many times, you really wish you had received something a bit more POTENT. You can use your ability as much as you want, as long as you're ready to suffer SEVERE MENTAL STRAIN afterwards. Sounds OP. There should be a cooldown time instead, or at least let us know what this vague "severe mental strain" means. Is it his sanity going down? His intelligence? The ability to think coherently for a time?

Your only computer is your SMARTPHONE, which you keep with you at all times, mainly for interacting with the FRIENDS you have made all over.
Your trolltag is hyperlightDrifter and y<o>u have an interesting way <o>f speaking, n<o> d<o>ubt acquired fr<o>m y<o>ur travels.

AGE: 8 Solar Sweeps
TROLLTAG: hyperlightDrifter
BLOOD COLOR: It is a Mystery (#7c7c7c)
TYPING QUIRK: "o" => "<o>" ; "oo" => "o---o" ; tends to be verbose
SYMBOL: Discovery
LUSUS: Wolf
STRIFE SPECIBUS: hyperlightKind
POWER: Speed dashing
FETCH MODUS: Chroma (A card is stored in a certain color, only being able to be exchanged for an item of similar color)
TITLE:
LAND:
MOON:
Reply
07-18-2014, 11:13 AM (This post was last modified: 07-18-2014 11:26 AM by ZeronFX.)
Post: #181
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
> Be the mad scientist.
that's not, |_|h, right at all.
> Be the ornery chemist.
hmm, thank you.
[Image: bJ162qa.png]

Your name is BRIKAH SANZOH, and you're a single bad event from flipping the fuck out.
First off, as the narration stated, you're a pretty ORNERY dude. Sure, to be fair, most trolls are, but you take it to such an extreme that the slightest derogatory comment about your interest can set you off. Normally, you're a pretty quiet guy, always hesitating to speak up, but if sufficiently agitated you're probably the loudest troll you've ever met. This behavior is partly thanks to your HOBBIES, and partly thanks to your LUSUS.

As for the former, you practice a little something that you like to call CASUAL ALCHEMY-- and something that everyone else calls CHEMISTRY. You love to mix chemicals into chemicals into chemicals and find out what they do. You acquire this information with VARIOUS CONTROLLED TESTS inside your quite spacious HIVE, some of which may or may not be on other trolls. You adamantly refuse to test the concoctions outside of your LAB, though. If you don't know what something does through your own research, you aren't using it.

As little SIDE-INTEREST from your main hobby, you like to MANUFACTURE EXPLOSIVES. Alternia, being the planet that it is, has a disturbingly large number of VOLATILE ELEMENTS, and you combine these with all sorts of other ELEMENTS to create very creative ways of blowing things up. However, this is a dangerous and precise art, and as such you've been caught in more than a few BLAST ZONES. Thankfully, none of these accidents have left you without body parts, but it is always a possibility, and it has made you a very careful individual.

Finally, you enjoy HACKING as an alternative pastime. Having just enough ~ATH EXPERIENCE to do this pretty well, you always get a rise out of making some FOOL's computer explode before them or by messing with them some other way. Really, the possibilities are endless, and they're a pretty good rudimentary way of safely dealing with people that make fun of you for your usually quiet nature.

Your LUSUS doesn't quite understand what you're up to most of the time, but not much else is to be expected from a RHINOCEROS such as him. He mostly prowls around your HIVE passive-aggressively nowadays in the SWELTERING JUNGLE it is positioned in. You've taken great care to disguise it amongst the surroundings to prevent anyone from locating the site of your EXPERIMENTS.

You're extremely POLARIZED when it comes to interacting with other trolls. You are very lenient with yourself when speaking to LOWER BLOODS, and even demean peasants every now and again. HIGHER BLOODS get all of your respect, and you make attempts to act proper around them, but unfortunately no one is safe from your BOUTS OF SCREAMING.

Your trolltag is aggravatedAlchemist and you normally type, |_|h, kind of, mm, hesitant, BXT WHEN SOMETHING SETS YOX OFF BOY OH BOY DO YOX GET FXCKING MAD.

AGE: 8.12403 Solar Sweeps
TROLLTAG: aggravatedAlchemist
BLOOD COLOR: Persian Green (#00098a3)
TYPING QUIRK: "o" => "<o>" ; "oo" => "o---o" ; tends to be verbose
SYMBOL: Chemical Equivalence
LUSUS: Rhino
STRIFE SPECIBUS: tongsKind
POWER: Speed dashing
FETCH MODUS: L-STRUC (Draw a lewis diagram to retrieve item)
TITLE:
LAND:
MOON:

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
07-20-2014, 10:17 AM
Post: #182
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(07-18-2014 11:13 AM)ZeronFX Wrote:  > Be the mad scientist.
that's not, |_|h, right at all.
> Be the ornery chemist.
hmm, thank you.
[Image: bJ162qa.png]

Your name is BRIKAH SANZOH, and you're a single bad event from flipping the fuck out. crit in red
First off, as the narration stated, you're a pretty ORNERY dude. Sure, to be fair, most trolls are, but you take it to such an extreme that the slightest derogatory comment about your interest can set you off. Normally, you're a pretty quiet guy, always hesitating to speak up, but if sufficiently agitated you're probably the loudest troll you've ever met. This behavior is partly thanks to your HOBBIES, and partly thanks to your LUSUS.

As for the former, you practice a little something that you like to call CASUAL ALCHEMY-- and something that everyone else calls CHEMISTRY. You love to mix chemicals into chemicals into chemicals and find out what they do. You acquire this information with VARIOUS CONTROLLED TESTS inside your quite spacious HIVE, some of which may or may not be on other trolls. You adamantly refuse to test the concoctions outside of your LAB, though. If you don't know what something does through your own research, you aren't using it. This last sentence seems out of place. It doesn't really add much, so maybe you could just remove it?

As a little SIDE-INTEREST from your main hobby, you like to MANUFACTURE EXPLOSIVES. Alternia, being the planet that it is, has a disturbingly large number of VOLATILE ELEMENTS, and you combine these with all sorts of other ELEMENTS to create very creative just for variety's sake you could switch create or creative out for some other word. ways of blowing things up. However, this is a dangerous and precise art, and as such you've been caught in more than a few BLAST ZONES. Thankfully, none of these accidents have left you without body parts, but it is always a possibility, and it has made you a very careful individual.

Finally, you enjoy HACKING as an alternative pastime. Having just enough ~ATH EXPERIENCE to do this pretty well, you always get a rise out of making some FOOL's computer explode before them or by messing with them some other way. Really, the possibilities are endless, and they're a pretty good rudimentary way of safely dealing with people that make fun of you for your usually quiet nature.[/color]

Your LUSUS doesn't quite understand what you're up to most of the time, but not much else is to be expected from a RHINOCEROS such as him. He mostly prowls around your HIVE passive-aggressively nowadays in the SWELTERING JUNGLE it is positioned in. You've taken great care to disguise it amongst the surroundings to prevent anyone from locating the site of your EXPERIMENTS.

You're extremely POLARIZED when it comes to interacting with other trolls. You are very lenient with yourself when speaking to LOWER BLOODS, and even demean peasants every now and again. HIGHER BLOODS get all of your respect, and you make attempts to act proper around them, but unfortunately no one is safe from your BOUTS OF SCREAMING.

Your trolltag is aggravatedAlchemist and you normally type, |_|h, kind of, mm, hesitant, BXT WHEN SOMETHING SETS YOX OFF BOY OH BOY DO YOX GET FXCKING MAD.

AGE: 8.12403 Solar Sweeps
TROLLTAG: aggravatedAlchemist
BLOOD COLOR: Persian Green (#00098a3)
TYPING QUIRK: "o" => "<o>" ; "oo" => "o---o" ; tends to be verbose
SYMBOL: Chemical Equivalence
LUSUS: Rhino
STRIFE SPECIBUS: tongsKind
POWER: Speed dashing
FETCH MODUS: L-STRUC (Draw a lewis diagram to retrieve item)
TITLE:
LAND:
MOON:
Reply
04-29-2015, 10:46 AM (This post was last modified: 04-29-2015 10:46 AM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #183
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Incomplete Sprite:
[Image: gIenYzh.png]
Your name is Protus Polybo and you are nine Sweeps old. You are the captain of a band of pirates that enjoys sailing the grand seas of Alternia and getting into all sorts of shenanigans and adventures. You like to think yourself a fair captain, and will accept any Land Dweller on the ship as long as they're not some sort of mutant, hemorebel, or Anon (though the last two are the same thing in your book!), and as long as they can pull their weight. No killing of other crew members, and no stealing of treasure is allowed. You like to collect treasure maps; both to hang up in the wall of your room; and also because they'll lead you to great treasures! Your ship also doubles for trading, where you'll take just about anything (especially drugs) from one port of Alternia to another. Despite the worries of your closest crew members, you like to sample some of these drugs yourself, leading you to have quite a problem with addiction! Luckily, you avoid the more dangerous kinds and stick to the ones that can't kill you. You are also on a personal quest to unlock all the secrets of your Ancestor, and he has left quite a trail of tasks to do! You also fancy yourself a collector of weapons, especially unique, one-of-a-kind weapons like it's hinted your Ancestor had.

You don't actually have a hive like most Trolls do. Instead, your heavily fortified ship holds your Recuperacoon, along with those of permanent crew members, resides on the ship. There's a whole section of the ship filled with rooms with Recuperacoons in them, with you getting a big private room to yourself. Your Lusus, Krakenpop, follows you around while you sail, and guards the ship when you port. You can't really communicate well with him, but he's been good to you since you've been a grub, and for that you're thankful! One problem you've had since a grub are serious problems with your thinkpan! You will see and hear things fairly often; things that aren't really there. Sometimes taking drugs will drive these away, and sometimes they'll become worse. It's gotten to the point where entire adventures turned out to be all figments of your imagination! This is, of course, a secret you keep secure and locked down between yourself and Krakenpop.

Being a Violet Blood, you are of course extremely high on the spectrum, and you quite enjoy it. You don't mind Low Bloods as long as they know their place, and you do expect some form of respect from them. That being said, you don't want them on their knees kissing your feet- er, foot. Did you mention you lost one of your legs? Must have slipped your mind! Nasty bit of business there, at least you replaced it with an ebony pegleg! Anyway, as mentioned before you hate Anons, you see them as a disgrace to the planet and will attack one on sight if they don't stop their ways at your suggestion!

Your Strife Specibus is cutlassKind , which you have a large collection of. Your Fetch Modus is Treasure Map; which involves a coded treasure map to appear, which you must decode to get what you want. Your Trolltag is aquaticCoxswain and you A'nd yo'u someti'mes type o'dd things afe'r vowe'ls.

Name: Protus Polybo.
Blood colour/Hex: #6a005b
Gender: Male.
Age: 9 Sweeps.
TrollTag: aquaticCoxswain.
Quirk: Will sometimes have a ' after a vowel.
Strife Specibus: cutlassKind.
Fetch Modus: Treasure Map: A coded treasure map appears, which must be decoded to get the wanted object.
Lusus: Krakenpop.
Interests: Going on dangerous adventures, collecting weapons, deciphering hints of your Ancestor, doing drugs getting rich.
Reply
04-29-2015, 10:59 AM
Post: #184
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(04-29-2015 10:46 AM)Yaridovich23 Wrote:  Incomplete Sprite:
[Image: gIenYzh.png]
Your name is Protus Polybo and you are nine Sweeps old. You are the captain of a band of pirates that enjoys sailing the grand seas of Alternia and getting into all sorts of shenanigans and adventures. You like to think yourself a fair captain, and will accept any Land Dweller on the ship as long as they're not some sort of mutant, hemorebel, or Anon (though the last two are the same thing in your book!), and as long as they can pull their weight. No killing of other crew members, and no stealing of treasure is allowed. You like to collect treasure maps; both to hang up in the wall of your room; and also because they'll lead you to great treasures! Your ship also doubles for trading, where you'll take just about anything (especially drugs) from one port of Alternia to another. Despite the worries of your closest crew members, you like to sample some of these drugs yourself, leading you to have quite a problem with addiction! Luckily, you avoid the more dangerous kinds and stick to the ones that can't kill you. Not crit, I'm just wondering loud if he's experiencing effects from these nonlethal drugs. You are also on a personal quest to unlock all the secrets of your Ancestor, and he has left quite a trail of tasks to do! You also fancy yourself a collector of weapons, especially unique, one-of-a-kind weapons like it's hinted your Ancestor had.

You don't actually have a hive like most Trolls do. Instead, your heavily fortified ship holds your Recuperacoon, along with those of permanent crew members, resides on the ship. There's a whole section of the ship filled with rooms with Recuperacoons in them, with you getting a big private room to yourself. Your Lusus, Krakenpop, follows you around while you sail, and guards the ship when you port. You can't really communicate well with him, but he's been good to you since you've been a grub, and for that you're thankful! One problem you've had since a grub are serious problems with your thinkpan! You will see and hear things fairly often; things that aren't really there. Sometimes taking drugs will drive these away, and sometimes they'll become worse. It's gotten to the point where entire adventures turned out to be all figments of your imagination! This is, of course, a secret you keep secure and locked down between yourself and Krakenpop. Does his crew have issues with his imaginary escapades? Do these effects affect them adversely in any way?

Being a Violet Blood, you are of course extremely high on the spectrum, and you quite enjoy it. You don't mind Low Bloods as long as they know their place, and you do expect some form of respect from them. That being said, you don't want them on their knees kissing your feet- er, foot. Did you mention you lost one of your legs? Must have slipped your mind! Nasty bit of business there, at least you replaced it with an ebony pegleg! Anyway, as mentioned before you hate Anons, you see them as a disgrace to the planet and will attack one on sight if they don't stop their ways at your suggestion!

Your Strife Specibus is cutlassKind , which you have a large collection of. Your Fetch Modus is Treasure Map; which involves a coded treasure map to appear, which you must decode to get what you want. Your Trolltag is aquaticCoxswain and you A'nd yo'u someti'mes type o'dd things afe'r vowe'ls.

Overall very cool concept for a troll imo

Name: Protus Polybo.
Blood colour/Hex: #6a005b
Gender: Male.
Age: 9 Sweeps.
TrollTag: aquaticCoxswain.
Quirk: Will sometimes have a ' after a vowel.
Strife Specibus: cutlassKind.
Fetch Modus: Treasure Map: A coded treasure map appears, which must be decoded to get the wanted object.
Lusus: Krakenpop.
Interests: Going on dangerous adventures, collecting weapons, deciphering hints of your Ancestor, doing drugs getting rich.

Hit and crit it.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
05-10-2015, 11:29 AM
Post: #185
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
[NO SPRITE YET]

Your name is Berlak Hautes and you are nine Sweeps old. Unfortunately, you are very unwell in the head for several Sweeps now, you have been under the delusion that you live in a sort of Medieval fantasy world. You don't remember when exactly this delusion started or what triggered it, but you must say you're happy with your current state of mind. You yourself act as a knight, living to serve above you as well as killing thieves and bandits...or anyone that you deem as being evil. You like to collect artifacts that match the setting you see yourself in, such as swords, suits of old armor, shields, and other such things. You also fancy yourself a blacksmith, forging new weapons or armor for you to use, or to sell to others who are willing to buy.

Luckily, you happen to live near a mine that has a nice amount of ores in it, allowing you to mine material for weapons or armor that you make. You get help from your Lusus, a giant reptilian creature that can transport large amounts of ore back to your hive. You and him get along fine, and you sometimes spar with him to make sure your strife skills are doing well. You also sometimes ride him to town when you need to get supplies or sell things off, and he makes a good bodyguard in case any thieves try to rob you; not that you really need it but you appreciate the gesture all the same. As a member of such a high caste, you look down on Low Bloods, though you treat them fairly as long as they know their place, though it may help them not argue against you if you didn't talk down to them as much as you do. That being said, you also make sure to respect those above you, just as the Hemospectrum expects.

Your Strife Specibus is swordKind, and you prefer to use a claymore, your High Blood natural strength allowing you to wield one with relative ease. Your Fetch Modus is the Dummy Modus. When you want an object, a modus-made projection of a dummy appears, and you must destroy it to get your item. Your Trolltag is sturdyPaladin and you Speack rather roughly by ackckident.

TL;DR
Name: Berlak Hautes.
Blood colour/Hex: #000056
Gender: Male.
Age: 9 Sweeps.
TrollTag: sturdyPaladin.
Quirk: Replaces "c" with "ck" as part of a speech impediment.
Strife Specibus: swordKind.
Fetch Modus: Dummy
Lusus: Scaledad.
Interests: Training, collecting weapons and armor, sparring, smithing.
Reply
05-10-2015, 12:58 PM
Post: #186
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(05-10-2015 11:29 AM)Yaridovich23 Wrote:  [NO SPRITE YET]

Your name is Berlak Hautes and you are nine Sweeps old. Unfortunately, you are very unwell in the head for several Sweeps now, you have been under the delusion that you live in a sort of Medieval fantasy world. You don't remember when exactly this delusion started or what triggered it, but you must say you're happy with your current state of mind. You yourself act as a knight, living to serve above you as well as killing thieves and bandits...or anyone that you deem as being evil. You like to collect artifacts that match the setting you see yourself in, such as swords, suits of old armor, shields, and other such things. You also fancy yourself a blacksmith, forging new weapons or armor for you to use, or to sell to others who are willing to buy.

Luckily, you happen to live near a mine that has a nice amount of ores in it, allowing you to mine material for weapons or armor that you make. You get help from your Lusus, a giant reptilian creature that can transport large amounts of ore back to your hive. You and him get along fine, and you sometimes spar with him to make sure your strife skills are doing well. You also sometimes ride him to town when you need to get supplies or sell things off, and he makes a good bodyguard in case any thieves try to rob you; not that you really need it but you appreciate the gesture all the same. As a member of such a high caste, you look down on Low Bloods, though you treat them fairly as long as they know their place, though it may help them not argue against you if you didn't talk down to them as much as you do. That being said, you also make sure to respect those above you, just as the Hemospectrum expects.

Your Strife Specibus is swordKind, and you prefer to use a claymore, your High Blood natural strength allowing you to wield one with relative ease. Your Fetch Modus is the Dummy Modus. When you want an object, a modus-made projection of a dummy appears, and you must destroy it to get your item. Your Trolltag is sturdyPaladin and you Speack rather roughly by ackckident.

TL;DR
Name: Berlak Hautes.
Blood colour/Hex: #000056
Gender: Male.
Age: 9 Sweeps.
TrollTag: sturdyPaladin.
Quirk: Replaces "c" with "ck" as part of a speech impediment.
Strife Specibus: swordKind.
Fetch Modus: Dummy
Lusus: Scaledad.
Interests: Training, collecting weapons and armor, sparring, smithing.

Looks like it checks out, yo. Maybe I'm losing my touch here? You might want another person's rad second opinion, know what I'm sayin', bro-yo-ma?

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
05-26-2015, 07:36 AM (This post was last modified: 05-26-2015 07:39 AM by Hi-toppin.)
Post: #187
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
==> Be the psionic metal-head
[Image: vDMWdjY.png]
Your name is MOSSIN PITEMI, and you like to think you're a PRETTY TOUGH CUSTOMER.

Your hive is a modest but comfortable two-story building placed in the middle of a valley in butt-fuck nowhere. Your nearest neighbors are far, far away, but that's okay. Your KOMODOMOM is more than enough company for you. Not that you're happy about it. She's an aggressive sort of guardian, and thinks thickening your skin and sharpening your senses is the way to go. After all, you're JUST A PEASANT YELLOW BLOOD, and a small one at that. If you can't see an attack coming and get in the first hit you're as good as culled.

Again, not that that's really much of a problem considering how isolated you are. Of course Komodomom doesn't care about that. As a result you're ALWAYS SPORTING SOME INJURIES, whether they be inflamed bite marks (venomous and nasty), or simple cuts and scratches. Still you don't harbor any ill will for your lusus. She's ONLY TRYING TO HELP.

When you're not being wary of surprise attacks (an occurrence more rare than you'd like, but more common than you'd think), you like to fill your time with your various INTERESTS. At the urging of your lusus, you've done your best to make them SUITABLY TOUGH LOOKING. Though not all of them fit the conventional sense of the word.

First and foremost, you've got an interest in HEAVY METAL. Okay, maybe not first and foremost. That spot belongs to a more shameful love, but that's not important! You enjoy everything metal, from the music, to the albums, to the culture. Komodomom approves, especially when it comes to the fashion. You like to outfit yourself with PIERCINGS, TOUGH HAIR CUTS, AND STUNNING OUTFITS. All accessories that only look cooler when you sit down to PLAY SOME BASS or PRACTICE YOUR WAILS.

Of course you can only yell so much before your throat starts to hurt, and after awhile the calluses on your carapace start to ache. That's where GAMES come into the mix. And not just any games, ARCADE GAMES. And not just any arcade games, but FIGHTERS. You enjoy them all. BLOCK FIGHTER, WRIGGLEN, even the kind of weird ones like BLAZBLOOD. You've got a GOOD BRAIN FOR PATTERNS, and as a result the combos and techniques central to these games come naturally. You also can't help but enjoy the pixelated violence. They help you vent the frustrations you feel after repeated attacks from Komodom.

Both of these interests have also let you indulge in a third love, COLLECTING. You don't know what it is about it, but collecting things is just so fun! ALBUM COVERS, ARCADE CABINETS, GAME CASES, they're all fair game and all make great decorations for your room. And that's about it. . .what? "Shameful love"? No clue what you're talking about. The closet's open? Not a big deal. Wait, no don't open that!

Okay, confession time. You don't just collect cool things. Hidden deep within your closet and in various spots in the basement and attic are huge piles of SMUTTY, SAPPY ROMANCE NOVELS. You've been reading them for sweeps now, and for some reason they just RESONATE WITH YOU. But you don't want to talk about it. No one else should either! You'll blast them if they do! Oh yeah, blast.

While you've got a STILETTOKIND strife specibus for general defense, you're also a DECENT PSIONIC. Okay, maybe decent is a BIT OF A STRETCH. You can shoot eye beams, but they only leave MINOR BURNS at best, and don't pack much punch. As for any telekinesis, it's restricted to SMALL OBJECTS and TIRES YOU OUT QUICKLY. In fact, both are really only good for intimidation tactics. You flash your eyes a bit whenever high bloods come knocking and hope it scares them off. It doesn't work very often, but it's always worth a shot.

Between your romance novels and lackluster powers this whole talk is getting kind of depressing. Let's wrap it up so you can get back to your games and music. Usually physically alone aside from Komodom, you depend on TROLLIAN and the internet to help you communicate with others. Online you're cacophonicWailer [CW] and you like to think you TalK in a preTTy Chill Tone, buT CanT really hide your lussussss influenCe.
tl;dr
Name: Mossin Pitemi
Age: 7 sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'3''
Trolltag: cacophonicWailer
Blood Color: #A7A502
Quirk: no punctuation, only capitalizes k's, c's, and t's, doubles s's and z's
Fetch Modus: InputModus - to retrieve an item the user must complete a button combination. difficulty scales with item size and complexity.
Strife Specibus: Stilettokind - can attack with the heeled shoes or the thrusting dagger
Lusus: Komodomom - a slightly oversized komodo dragon. venomous bite and quick temper, soothed by music.
Reply
05-26-2015, 08:06 AM (This post was last modified: 05-26-2015 08:08 AM by ZeronFX.)
Post: #188
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(05-26-2015 07:36 AM)Hi-toppin Wrote:  ==> Be the psionic metal-head
[Image: vDMWdjY.png]
Your name is MOSSIN PITEMI, and you like to think you're a PRETTY TOUGH CUSTOMER. Welcome to the Salty Spittoon, how tough are ya?

Your hive is a modest but comfortable two-story building placed in the middle of a valley in butt-fuck nowhere. Your nearest neighbors are far, far away, but that's okay. Your KOMODOMOM is more than enough company for you. Not that you're happy about it. She's an aggressive sort of guardian, and thinks thickening your skin and sharpening your senses is the way to go. After all, you're JUST A PEASANT YELLOW BLOOD, and a small one at that. If you can't see an attack coming and get in the first hit you're as good as culled.

Again, not that that's really much of a problem considering how isolated you are. Of course Komodomom doesn't care about that. As a result you're ALWAYS SPORTING SOME INJURIES, whether they be inflamed bite marks (venomous and nasty), or simple cuts and scratches. Still you don't harbor any ill will for your lusus. She's ONLY TRYING TO HELP. Not really crit, but combining this paragraph with the previous one might be a good idea since it seems to elaborate on ideas presented previously.

When you're not being wary of surprise attacks (an occurrence more rare than you'd like, but more common than you'd think), you like to fill your time with your various INTERESTS. At the urging of your lusus, you've done your best to make them SUITABLY TOUGH LOOKING. Though not all of them fit the conventional sense of the word.

First and foremost, you've got an interest in HEAVY METAL. Okay, maybe not first and foremost. That spot belongs to a more shameful love, but that's not important! You enjoy everything metal, from the music, to the albums, to the culture. Komodomom approves, especially when it comes to the fashion. You like to outfit yourself with PIERCINGS, TOUGH HAIR CUTS, AND STUNNING OUTFITS. All accessories that only look cooler when you sit down to PLAY SOME BASS or PRACTICE YOUR WAILS.

Of course you can only yell so much before your throat starts to hurt, and after awhile the calluses on your carapace start to ache. That's where GAMES come into the mix. And not just any games, ARCADE GAMES. And not just any arcade games, but FIGHTERS. You enjoy them all. BLOCK FIGHTER, WRIGGLEN, even the kind of weird ones like BLAZBLOOD. You've got a GOOD BRAIN FOR PATTERNS, and as a result the combos and techniques central to these games come naturally. You also can't help but enjoy the pixelated violence. They help you vent the frustrations you feel after repeated attacks from Komodom.

Both of these interests have also let you indulge in a third love, COLLECTING. You don't know what it is about it, but collecting things is just so fun! ALBUM COVERS, ARCADE CABINETS, GAME CASES, they're all fair game and all make great decorations for your room. And that's about it. . .what? "Shameful love"? No clue what you're talking about. The closet's open? Not a big deal. Wait, no don't open that!

Okay, confession time. You don't just collect cool things. Hidden deep within your closet and in various spots in the basement and attic are huge piles of SMUTTY, SAPPY ROMANCE NOVELS. You've been reading them for sweeps now, and for some reason they just RESONATE WITH YOU. But you don't want to talk about it. No one else should either! You'll blast them if they do! Oh yeah, blast. lol what a loser

While you've got a STILETTOKIND strife specibus for general defense, you're also a DECENT PSIONIC. Okay, maybe decent is a BIT OF A STRETCH. You can shoot eye beams, but they only leave MINOR BURNS at best, and don't pack much punch. As for any telekinesis, it's restricted to SMALL OBJECTS and TIRES YOU OUT QUICKLY. In fact, both are really only good for intimidation tactics. You flash your eyes a bit whenever high bloods come knocking and hope it scares them off. It doesn't work very often, but it's always worth a shot.

Between your romance novels and lackluster powers this whole talk is getting kind of depressing. Let's wrap it up so you can get back to your games and music. Usually physically alone aside from Komodom, you depend on TROLLIAN and the internet to help you communicate with others. Online you're cacophonicWailer [CW] and you like to think you TalK in a preTTy Chill Tone, buT CanT really hide your lussussss influenCe.

Cool beans. I have no issues with anything presented.
tl;dr
Name: Mossin Pitemi
Age: 7 sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'3''
Trolltag: cacophonicWailer
Blood Color: #A7A502
Quirk: no punctuation, only capitalizes k's, c's, and t's, doubles s's and z's
Fetch Modus: InputModus - to retrieve an item the user must complete a button combination. difficulty scales with item size and complexity.
Strife Specibus: Stilettokind - can attack with the heeled shoes or the thrusting dagger
Lusus: Komodomom - a slightly oversized komodo dragon. venomous bite and quick temper, soothed by music.

Jammin' memes, bro. Also, for whatever reason, Chocopi has given me a selection of smilies beside the editor, so who am I to let them go to waste? Chocolate PieHeartChocolate HeartmspaChocolate HeartChocolate PieHeartChocolate HeartmspamspaHeartChocolate Piemspa

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
05-30-2015, 03:59 PM (This post was last modified: 06-01-2015 04:29 PM by phantomEclipse.)
Post: #189
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
==>Be the Alternian Butcher (i dont really have any other pictures to use, oh well)
[Image: 4h9C3QF.png?1]
Description: http://teamawe5ome5inceweareawe5omene55....arsheet-of
not listed in bio:
-His bloodcolor is that of his glasses
-His opinion of the hemospectrum is that he doesnt care

It's time to, T-T-T-T-T-T TRIPLE POST
Reply
06-01-2015, 11:01 AM
Post: #190
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
(05-30-2015 03:59 PM)phantomEclipse Wrote:  ==>Be the Alternian Butcher (i dont really have any other pictures to use, oh well)
[Image: 4h9C3QF.png?1]

He seems fine mostly, other than the fact that his views on the Hemospectrum weren't stated. Actually, his blood color isn't really stated at all unless I just missed it. I'm assuming it's olive/green?

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
06-01-2015, 02:09 PM
Post: #191
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
it's the color of his glasses, and his view on the hemospectrum is he doesnt care

It's time to, T-T-T-T-T-T TRIPLE POST
Reply
06-01-2015, 03:04 PM
Post: #192
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Alright, you may want to state both of those things somewhere in his bio. He's all clear from my point of view.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
Reply
06-01-2015, 04:29 PM
Post: #193
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
Done

It's time to, T-T-T-T-T-T TRIPLE POST
Reply
06-11-2015, 04:23 AM
Post: #194
RE: Trollslum Critique Thread
==> Be the hippie daywalker
[Image: 7jmIvIN.png]
You are REMEEN SIDDAV, 7 SWEEPS OLD, and you're ABOUT AS CALM AS YOU CAN BE.

Then again, this isn't so much of an accomplishment considering your surroundings. Your blood gives you a RESISTANCE TO THE ALTERNIAN SUN, and in fact makes the heat almost pleasant. As a result you set up your hive in one of the several deserts your planet boasts, FAR AWAY FROM MOST OTHER TROLLS. That, paired with your STRANGE SLEEPING SCHEDULE leaves you pretty well and away from the average troll and the problems they bring.

This still DOESN'T MEAN YOU WANT FOR CONFLICT. No, the desert is a cruel place, and what you lack in troll-on-troll violence you make up for in your almost daily fights with the DESERT ABOMINATIONS that prowl about in the morning sun. A fight made noticeably easier by the presence of your lusus, MANTIMUM, who can put up a dangerous fight whenever she wishes. A fight only made more fierce when added to your skill with your SPEARKIND SPECIBUS.

Still, this conflict isn't enough to throw you off your usual state of UNSHAKABLE SERENITY. Spending so much time alone in the pleasant rays of Alternia's suns has given you ample opportunity to MEDITATE and CENTER YOURSELF. Of course not all of your violent troll instincts have been sloughed off. In fact, you still feel a VERY STRONG MURDEROUS INSTINCT, something you theorize is a byproduct of your extended isolation from chances to commit said murder. Still you find a mix of SOPORIFICS and PLEASANT THOUGHTS keep this instinct at bay.

One of the ways you channel these pleasant thoughts are simple walks through the desert sands, spear at your side and eyes on the sky. You're able to just engross yourself in these walks, only breaking focus when something needs a FIRM ASSWHOOPING. You enjoy LOSING YOURSELF to the calm, and have invested a lot of time in learning and practicing various ZEN ACTIVITIES. Stretching, breathing techniques, meditation. You know them all, and even use various stretches to withdraw items using your STRETCH MODUS. These techniques are important to keep your MORE AGGRESSIVE TRAITS on the wayside.

A JADE BLOOD of VERY AVERAGE SOCIAL DISTINCTION, you are not privileged aristocracy or downtrodden peasantry, and as a result have a rare, balanced view on the hemospectrum. You find it it KIND OF STUPID, and are NOT AFRAID TO SAY SO. Still, you feel a special distaste for anons, understanding why they hide their blood but despising their cowardice regardless.

Cowardice is something that you shun with a special kind of devotion. This is by and large a product of not only your environment, but a strong interest in the SUPERNATURAL AND OCCULT. From a young age you've had a very real love for GHOST STORIES and the tales some tell of VENGEFUL SPIRITS and MALICIOUS DEMONS. You keep a variety of tools to commune with these kinds of beings, and even have some small proficiency in their use. You would love to one day SPEAK WITH A GHOST, and actually have a morbid fascination with death and the possibility that you yourself may linger as a spirit.

Sometimes you think you see strange visions, or weird shapes in the distance, and like to RECORD THESE INSTANCES IN PAINTINGS. Of course you never have a clear picture of what exactly you're painting, and so the paintings are often FAIRLY ABSTRACT and KIND OF MESSY. Still you love them regardless and cherish this inexact art form.

You have a GREAT DISDAIN for a lot of social interaction, but still find that it's important to have. At least that's what Mantimum says. So, you've gone through the trouble of making a TROLLIAN, going by misanthropicAffliction and yovr speech is fairly measured, but yov haVe trovble keeping all of the bite ovt of yovr words.
tl;dr
Name: Remeen Siddav
Age: 7 sweeps
Gender: Female
Height: 5'9''
Trolltag: misanthropicAffliction
Blood Color: #078446
Quirk: no contractions, V's capitalized, u's become v's
Fetch Modus: StretchModus - to retrieve an item the user must perform and hold a yoga stance, complexity of the stance and length of hold depend on item importance
Strife Specibus: Spearkind
Lusus: Mantimum - a giant manticore, with the head of a lion, draconic body, and the tail of a scorpion. incredibly aggressive.
Reply


Forum Jump: