Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
05-27-2014, 02:33 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 03:22 PM by Telly.)
Post: #1
Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
Welcome to ChocolatePi's Trollslum Café!

[Image: OqhkcT2.png]

The general purpose of this thread is for you to roleplay as your fantrolls as much as your heart desires. Most of the traffic here will be from the MSPA official forums, but there will be other friends here to enjoy themselves as well.

Please note that before roleplaying, you must post your troll’s profile to this thread. We will be checking for canon adherence, a rounded out and interesting character, and other such generalities. These will not be super strict, so don’t panic. Make the best troll you can! We STRONGLY encourage the use of the critique thread to help you with any issues you may have. You also need at least one sprite of your troll, or even a drawing.

Posted profiles should at least try resemble the standard MSPA style intro used throughout Homestuck. All trolls should at the very least have a lusus, fetch modus, strife specibus, trolltag, and quirk.

IF YOU START ROLEPLAYING IN THE CAFE BEFORE YOU POST A PROFILE,
YANI WILL DELETE YOUR POST AND MAY PLACE YOU ON A TEMP BAN IF YOU CONTINUE TO ATTEMPT TO ROLEPLAY.
THE TITLE SAYS "READ THE RULES" FOR A REASON!


RULES HERE!

Also, this entire café is in essence the "next" thread that would be following this café thread, so it's just fine to keep your friendships and quadrants just like you had them.

Archives:

The trollslum cafe itself has been around for a LONG long time.
We've listed every single one of them over at the MSPAF, and I feel like it should start here, too.

BEFORE CHOCOLATE PI:

This link leads to the last cafe thread on mspaf, which has links to all the old cafes.

|| My Tumblr ||
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06-03-2014, 01:29 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 01:44 PM by Xomb.)
Post: #2
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxNeutral.png]
Oh. Fuck. No. It begins again...

Xombox Zyltra limped his merrily deranged psychotic way into this fine establishment of bullfuckery and shenanigans via his sword-leg. He takes one quick look around to quickly discover that he was alone, as the place was deserted with only the serving bots meandering about trying to find something useful to do. Great. Must be early on in the night. What time was it anyway?

"Who-the-fuck-cares?" he asked himself in answer as he hobbled over to the servebot behind the bar counter. He ordered a Cotton Candy Faygo and a bottle of vodka as he extricated a cigarette from the pack inside his jacket, lighting it and taking a deep drag as he leaned up against the counter, just waiting for someone to barge in through that door...

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
Reply
06-03-2014, 02:45 PM
Post: #3
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 7eAkjyu.jpg]
Enigmo Questa entered the Café a while after, his half-bionic legs making his footfalls louder than they should be. He gazed around the Café, also noticing its emptiness. He quickly spotted his Subjug-bro and waltzed over to him with a small smile.

[Image: NakWK.gif]
"Xombox! A SuRpRise to see you heRE! Well, not Really. Seems like this is the only place we've eveR hung out at, huh? Good to see you haven't lost any moRE limbs since I saw you last." He then sat down next to Xombox and drummed his organic fingers across the table.
Reply
06-03-2014, 03:02 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 03:02 PM by Xomb.)
Post: #4
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxGrin.png]
Well holy shit if it wasn't his brother Enigmo, that tall doofus ready to get into all kinds of dumb shit with him. He couldn't help but smile at one of the few people he didn't want to disembowel with a fork. He quickly made himself a Faygo/vodka drink in a tall glass and took a deep swallow.

"Enigmo! Dude, where-the-fuck-you-been-homie? Last-time-I-saw-you... shit, how-long-has-it-been? What-you-been-doing? Who-you-been-stalkin? Got-anything-memorable-in-kills-recently?" Xombox asked excitedly before taking another drag on his cigarette, wearing his love of culling and murder like a heart on his sleeve.

Subjuggulator through and through.

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
Reply
06-03-2014, 03:13 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 03:30 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #5
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: NakWK.gif]
Enigmo let out a chuckle. Never change, Xombox. Never change. He ordered a Grape Faygo for himself and guzzled half of it at once as it arrived.

"Glad to see you've Remained the same since we last talked. It's been too long, my fRiend. Well... I did get to test out my new gadget against this huge TRoll that stupidly tRied to kill me. Long stoRy shoRt, he had me pinned with my left aRm too beaten to use, but lucky I got my Right hand aRound his neck and..." He raised his right arm, showing off his bionic right hand. He gave a grin and a blade big enough to go through someone's whole throat came out, then retraced. "Taught him a lesson! What about you, staRt any fiRes oR anything like that?"
Reply
06-03-2014, 03:23 PM
Post: #6
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxSmile.png]
Damn. He wasn't expecting that. He nodded in appreciation as he took another gulp of his alcoholic beverage before taking another drag on his cigarette. That was quite impressive, actually.

"Damn, sounds-like-you've-been-having-fun. And-now-that-you-mention-it, yeah, I-did. A-few-actually, once-with-the-poor-fucker-still-inside. She-was-bleeding-to-death-of-course, those-shitblood's-really-don't-quite-have-the-quantity-of-life-we-do, guess-you-could-say-it-was-a-mercy-killing? Or-maybe-it-would-have-been-more-merciful-to-slit-her-throat? Ah-who-cares. Finally-got-my-back-rehabilitated-after-my-fuckchop-of-a-kismesis-sliced-off-about-half-of-it. Yeah, ramming-the-katana-through-my-foot-and-into-my-knee-was-an-easy-fix, just-get-this-sweet-swordleg, but-man-skin-grafts-take-for-fucking-ever-to-integrate-into-your-system. What-bullshit. Been-taking-it-easy-lately, nothing-too-grand-just-some-simple-shit, gonna-get-extravagant-up-in-this-bitch-before-too-long." the psycho shithead pontificated to his clown brethren, crushing his cigarette out on the bar counter.

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
Reply
06-03-2014, 03:30 PM
Post: #7
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: NakWK.gif]
Enigmo finished his Faygo and tossed the empty bottle over his shoulder, where a Servebot dashed to catch it before taking it to the trash.

"Oh Really now? It's been a while since I've buRned someone to death. Let me know next time you staRt on that, I'll tag along with you. Glad to see you'Re getting used to youR new limb. I'm going to just guess you'll neveR get a pRopeR new limb like I did? As foR getting things "up in this bitch", it indeed has been too long. We should coRneR the next low blood that comes in and have a bit of fun, what do you think?"
Reply
06-03-2014, 03:45 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 03:52 PM by Dudemaster47.)
Post: #8
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: E7cIt67.png]

This plain-looking fellow waltzes into the cafe, rather cheerfully. He looks around, is grin wavering slightly when he saw the indigos but deciding the test his luck he remains. As such, he walks over to the bar and orders up some delicious coffee with milk, but no sugar.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
06-03-2014, 03:53 PM
Post: #9
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxGrin.png]
As soon as Enigmo said it, the door opened. And what did we have here? The lowest of the lowbloods. A fucking rusty. Oh yes. Oh jubilation. Oh shit's about to get real in this motherfucker!

"Funny-thing-is, we-don't-have-to-wait-that-long-to-do-it-now-do-we-bro?" he chuckled as he jerked his head over toward the unfortunate soul about to be the victim of their clowny torment. Maybe they'll throw a pie in his face? A sopor slime pie. Who knows what will happen next?

This should be fun.

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
Reply
06-03-2014, 03:56 PM
Post: #10
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: NakWK.gif]
Enigmo gave a slasher smile and nodded, standing up slowly.

"A new face it seems. It'd be RatheR Rude to just leave him theRe without giving him a pRopeR gReeting, wouldn't you say?" He slowly left the table and made his way to the Rust Blood, trying to go slowly to make his metal legs' footsteps quieter.
Reply
06-03-2014, 04:04 PM
Post: #11
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 56H5SHd.png]

Zertam wasn't born yesterday; he could hear those two talking across the room and hadn't let his own attention fail him. Instead, he turned to the purples and simply flashed a big, friendly smile at them, letting them easily see his unintimidating and flat pearly whites while holding his mug of coffee casually.

"geNtlemeN, geNtlemeN! pleaSe, feel free to make yourSelves at home arouNd me. i aSSume youre looking for a good time? perhapS i Should tell a few jokeS to make you more comfortable?"

A bit of a kiss up? You could say that, but after seeing friends brutally murdered by higher ups, this redblood had learned that it's frankly better to brown nose than to die.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
06-03-2014, 04:11 PM
Post: #12
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxGrin.png]
He couldn't help but look at Enigmo as he made it over to the newcomer.

"Ah, ya-hear-that-Enigmo? A-rusty-with-a-modicum-of-respect. Ain't-that-just-rare-in-today's-world? What-do-ya-say, should-we-hear-his-jokes? He's-got-the-bulge-to-suggest-he-can-be-funnier-than-us-motherfuckers-and-we're-the-funniest-motherfuckers-around-this-motherfucker." Xombox snickered, knowing full damn well they weren't funny in the slightest.

For clowns they had terrible senses of humor.

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
Reply
06-03-2014, 04:14 PM
Post: #13
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: NakWK.gif]
Enigmo chuckled and sat right next to the doomed Rust Blood. He then leaned in what should probably be uncomfortably close to the low blood.

"I think that is a maRvelous idea, Xombox. We Really must heaR at least one. Maybe we'll give him a pRize if it's good enough. OR maybe even one if it's bad enough..." He winked at his companion as he drummed his claw-like metal hand on the table, showing it off to the poor Troll in front of him.
Reply
06-03-2014, 04:34 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 05:37 PM by Dudemaster47.)
Post: #14
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: Y6PWCTg.png]

Zertam frowns for a second, trying to think of a few good jokes. After a second, he grins again, having thought up a few.

"well, letS See...ever Notice that itS hard to explaiN puNS to kleptomaNiacS? i meaN, they alwayS take thiNgS literally! aNd you kNow, i uSed to thiNk the thiNk paN waS the moSt importaNt orgaN...theN i thought, "look what'S telling me that"."

He takes a breath, chuckling and wiping the sweat from his brow.

"did you hear the oNe about the magiciaN walkiNg dowN the Street? He turNed iNto a grocery Store. aNd why waS Six afraid of SeveN? becauSe SeveN is a well-kNowN Six offeNder. aNd why doNt you ever hear pterodactylS go to the reliefblock? becauSe the "p" iS SileNt! Ha!"

Hopefully these awful, corny one-liners do the trick.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
06-03-2014, 04:42 PM
Post: #15
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxNeutral.png]
Poker face.

"Well, Enigmo, what-do-you-think?" he simply asked his compatriot, ready to go along with whatever scheme the other Subjug had brewing in his thinkpan.

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
Reply
06-03-2014, 04:45 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 04:47 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #16
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 7eAkjyu.jpg]
Enigmo counted off on his organic hand, all five fingers. He shook his head and turned to Xombox, just as poker faced.

"Well, I counted five teRRible jokes theRe, Xombox. I think we should give him five "pRizes" foR that, wouldn't you agree?" He chuckled and brandished a small, but incredibly sharp knife out of nowhere.
Reply
06-03-2014, 04:49 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 05:38 PM by Dudemaster47.)
Post: #17
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: E7cIt67.png]

Zertam smiles, still sweating a bit but eyeing the knife.

"i take it my jokeS wereNt a SucceSS? well..."

Zertam put his coffee mug down and stood up to his full height of 7 feet tall.

"id rather Not get iNto a coNfroNtatioN with you two, it would defiNitely eNd badly. by the way, are you two faNS of SwiSS cheeSe?"

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
06-03-2014, 05:01 PM
Post: #18
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxNeutral.png]

"Listen-dude-I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-your-moobeast-curdles. The-dude-said-you're-getting-five-prizes-for-your-five-shitty-jokes, and-that's-what-you're-gonna-fuckin-get." Xombox told Zertam with deadpan seriousness. And thus he opened his RANDOM modus to uncaptchalogue...

A jar of rotten meat crawling with maggots.
The severed head of someone's former lusus.
A sopor slime pie, damn he was looking for that.
A dirty, rusty spoon.
And finally a Black Cherry Faygo.

He hurled each one at Zertam in turn, with each throw saying:
THANK. YOU. FOR. PLAYING. BITCH!!!"

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
Reply
06-03-2014, 05:11 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 05:37 PM by Dudemaster47.)
Post: #19
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
SPLAT.

[Image: ZDxKIuR.png]

Zertam wipes the meat off his face only to-

SPLAT.

He wipes off the blood of the lusus head and catches the pie, putting it down gently on the bar before knocking the spoon out of the air and-

THWAP.

He's beaned in the head with the faygo.

Rubbing his head, Zertam moans a bit as he picks up the faygo and looks at it for a second. All shaken up. He looks at the sopor pie for a second before looking back at his aggressors. He speaks back to the trolls, his voice a little less calm and a bit more sarcastic now.

"oh, I aSSume you waNt thiS back? i meaN, i kNow you guyS like your Soda. here, why doNt I opeN it for you?"

He twists off the top and throws the exploding soda at the subjugglator holding the knife.

"aNd i haveNt forgotteN your pie, Sir! you muSt defiNitely waNt thiS back!"

Zertam picks the pie up and tosses it at the hooded subjug's face, using the projectiles to create a bit of distance between the other two trolls.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

Reply
06-03-2014, 05:22 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2014 05:38 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #20
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: Vguvpnv.jpg]
Engimo sputtered and dropped the knife as the soda hit him. He glared at the retreating Troll, looking furious. And then...

[Image: NakWK.gif]
...he burst out laughing, oddly enough. "That was veRy unexpected, and bRilliant! I can't believe he got us with such classick tRicks, can you, Xombox?!" He took out a napkin and started to clean himself of soda as he chuckled, seeming to not notice or care that the Rust Blood was still there. Oddly enough, his face paint wasn't even smudged or anything. How bizarre...
Reply
06-03-2014, 05:29 PM
Post: #21
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: XomboxSmile.png]
As the pie slid away from Xombox's face somehow keeping his paint still in one piece, he realized he felt kinda... kinda...

"Duuuuuuuuude... that's-funny. You-clowned-some-clowns-man. That-ain't-even-right, but-it's-not-wrong-either. That-was-ingenious. I-like-that-in-a-troll. You-got-some-bulge-man. Maybe-I-won't-have-to-hang-you-up-by-your-toes-and-nick-off-one-little-bit-of-skin-at-a-time-until-I-have-enough-patches-to-make-a-new-jacket..." he burbled sluggishly, obviously affected by the sopor slime.

It’s too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. -Anton Szandor LaVey

[Image: 4GOEnp0.gif]
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06-03-2014, 05:36 PM
Post: #22
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: dgHqoL8.png]

That...worked? Well...

[Image: 56H5SHd.png]

Zertam just smiled and sidled closer and closer to the door.

"of courSe it did, it waS aN elaborate joke after all! Now doNt miNd me, ill juSt be takiNg my leave..."

With that said, he quickly throws the door open and slides right out before bolting off into the night.

QUOTES!
[19:23:14] Overlard: my mouth is not a doily

---

[2:42] Toots McButt: Ol wins
My dick in his butt
[2:43] Overlard: I've had worse.
[2:43] Toots McButt: You haven't had a seven foot long dick
[2:43] Overlard: That sounds like it should kill you

---

[1:39:01 PM] Neo: Like a great man once said:
[1:39:09 PM] Nory: my mom got matching dresses for me and her to wear

---

[2:53:44 AM] Dudemaster47: shaniqua stop it ur dragging ur polygamy in2 this chat
[2:53:44 AM] •The Silvster•: and my real life actual wife ™ is my friend asia
[2:53:47 AM] •The Silvster•: GOD
[2:53:50 AM] •The Silvster•: DONT CALL ME BY MY NAME
[2:53:52 AM] •The Silvster•: THATS AWKWARD

---

[4:59:57 AM] Dudemaster47: tbh I’m p. sure my parents can’t wait to kick me out once I’ve finished college and somehow managed to put some money behind me
[5:00:28 AM] The Necromancer: atleast your wasted, DM

---

[9:08:26 PM] Beren: ugh o'v en been tiered i'm sorr for not post ig if were waiting me silcypoo

---

[9:04 PM] Dudemaster47: yes im doing a sandwich at this very moment

---

[2:26:32 AM] Skvira: I play with myself for 5 minutes then kill you
[2:26:48 AM] Dudemaster47: that sounds serial killer-ish

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06-03-2014, 05:37 PM
Post: #23
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: NakWK.gif]
Enigmo shook his head after seeing Xombox's condition, but couldn't stop smiling. He went over to his friend and, with author's permission, helped him walk as they headed toward an exit. He ignored the low blood on his way out. "Okay, let's get you back home. That was quite fun while it lasted..." And with that, he and Xombox left the Café.
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06-04-2014, 01:31 PM
Post: #24
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
The café doors swing open as this bubbly tyrianblood hops in. She looks around the place, frustrated to see it looking quite empty. The pout on her face is momentarily replaced with an inviting grin once again as she approaches an empty chair with a spring in her step, taking a seat and putting her feet up immediately as she leans back and stretches.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 01:46 PM
Post: #25
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: rVbgdHi.png]
The opposite of a bubbly Troll enters the Café. It was totally Uranio Ositep's first time in this Café ever. Totally has never been in here or met anyone that frequents the place before. He glared around the room. Tyrian Blood and no one else. He assumed if he tried to ignore her, she'd just leave him alone, so he sat at an empty table on the opposite side of the Café and ordered a water.
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06-04-2014, 01:57 PM
Post: #26
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
Unfortunately, Uranio assumed wrong. Kinasu leaps up from her roost and bounds over to Uranio's table, leaving her chair to clang loudly against the tile floor. Surprisingly enough, though she doesn't take a seat uninvited just yet, opting instead to stand at the table, leaning over uranio slightly to get a better look at him. With bright eyes and a warm grin on her face, she gives a small wave while greeting her new conversational partner.

he//o he//o~! ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 02:17 PM (This post was last modified: 06-04-2014 02:18 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #27
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
Uranio slowly turned to his "guest" and continued to glare. Not at all phased by the fact she's a Sea Dweller. He ignored the glass of water as it arrived. "That's funny. I dun't recall inviting you ovur. Whut the hell due you wunt, Sea Dweller?" He leaned back a little, she was a bit too close for comfort.
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06-04-2014, 02:26 PM
Post: #28
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
She puts a hand on the table for support and tilts her head quizzically. This one would clearly not play along from the start, it seemed. Fun.

we//, I can te// you there's quite a /ot that I want. not that you're going to provide me with any of it, though. you definite/y don't seem the type to do what I do.

As if trying to be more intrusive, she hops into the seat opposite Uranio and immediately leans forward a little, resting her head in her hands and her elbows on the table.

no, instead, I was hoping for some friend/y conversation! we're the on/y two in this p/ace, and I'm a bit of a peop/le person, if you fee/ me~ ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 02:39 PM
Post: #29
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
He sipped at his water and sneered at the intrusive girl. "I doubt I evun wunt to know what "type" I'd have to be to due whutever weird thing you're into." He leaned back again. He really didn't want her close. "Also, back the fuck up. As for conversation, go find some mold under a table to talk to. Due I really look like I'm in the mood for friendly conversation?"
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06-04-2014, 02:47 PM
Post: #30
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
I'// do whatever I want, friend. ///
The last line came with no hint of warning or malice or anything. It was just a simple statement of fact. As if to prove her point, she did not comply with the indigo's request for space, though she did free up a hand to make a "V" for victory with one hand while she grinned happily.
anyway, the conversation doesn't rea//y have to be friend/y, I suppose, but I can't stand being quiet and a/one, man. come on, sure/y you must have something you wanna ta/k about. why so grumpy, guy? ///
The look on her face is one of genuine interest. Could it be that she is genuinely concerned for this troll? Well, the odds of that are about the same as the café being featured in the news for quality food and service. She's really just playing games right now.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 02:52 PM
Post: #31
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
One of his eyes twitched, if only for a moment. "If you can't be a quiet and alone, that's not my fucking problem. You'll have to deal with it on your own. And I dun't know whut game you're playing, but sumeone like you is sure to just be trying to fuck with me sumehow. Well, I can fuck with you too." And with that, Uranio closed his mouth tight. It seemed he didn't plan on talking any further.
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06-04-2014, 02:59 PM
Post: #32
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
Tight lips. Eye twitch. Silent treatment.

Perfect.

you're going to fuck with me, are you? we// now, sweety, at /east be so kind as to buy me a drink first~

She giggles jubilantly at this little tease, finally leaning back and resuming the activity that was putting her feet up on the table. She stares into Uranio's presumably quite irritated eyes before stealing glances at other areas of his body, making note of small things: his fangs, his scars, his bone scrutcture...

you're quite the beautifu/ shade of vio/et for a /andwa/ker, wou/dn't you say? what on A/ternia are you doing going around and getting it spi//ed? un/ess those cus were se/f inf/icted- but I very serious/y doubt that. ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 03:04 PM
Post: #33
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
Okay, fuck the silent treatment. It's not exactly a secret Uranio likes to verbally attack people that annoy him, he just can't resist! He looked her over in turn, though mostly focused on that most likely creepy smile she had. "Like I'd even fuck you, you'd probably try to kill me during or aftur or sumething." He wasn't a fan of how she looked him over and shuffled a bit. "Whut the fuck does it matter what shade of blood I have? As long as I'm not a mutant, it should be no concurn of yours! As for these scars, they were from hunting if you must know." The smallest twinge of pride could be heard in Uranio's voice as he mentioned said scars.

Nice job keeping up that silent treatment, Captain.
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06-04-2014, 03:13 PM
Post: #34
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
erotic expiration isn't my thing, dear. not that I'm judging you if you're into that- though I wi// admit, it is fucking weird.

She very noticeably perks up at the mention of hunting, her expression one of genuine excitement as she drops her feet and sits up in her chair.

oooh, a hunter~! such danger, such excitement! do you do so for sport, to survive, or a mix of both? what sort of things do you hunt, what do you do with them afterwards? te// me a// about it! ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 03:21 PM (This post was last modified: 06-04-2014 03:26 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #35
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: kmR5ue0.png]
Uranio blushed madly and growled a bit. "I wusn't talking about...expiration or sume shit. I'm not into that you freak! I dun't believe you wouldn't try to kill me no mattur whut you say."

[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
He cleared his throat and composed himself a bit. "I dunno why you evun wunt to know, but I do it for survival and sport. And I pretty much hunt whutever I can find. Large meowbeasts, cholerbears, that sort of thing!"

You're so great at ignoring people you don't like and dodging conversations, Uranio. You should write a book about it.
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06-04-2014, 03:33 PM
Post: #36
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
She drops the sex part in lieu of her excitement for dragging this fact out of him.

it's something we have in common! we//, actua//y, not particu/ar/y, I guess I'm more of a scavenger myse/f... but I do my fair share of s/aying beasts from time to time. however... she adds, grinning even wider, I've never gotten much of a chance to go on /and. te// me, now, what do you happen to do with your ki//s? ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 03:36 PM
Post: #37
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
He absentmindedly pushes his empty glass of the table. Why? Fuck you, that's why. "I just...use whut I can. Take the meat home for food, sell fur to anyone who wants it. You'd be surprised how many Trolls are willing to buy the stuff." He let out a sigh. "I'm...probably gunna regret asking, but whut due you mean by "scavenger"?"
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06-04-2014, 03:43 PM
Post: #38
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
She doesn't seem to notice or care that he just pushed the glass off the table. Instead, she extends her wrist out to Uranio so he can clearly see the bracelets she has on. They're made of... bones, it looks like. Teeth, small ribs, what could be phalanges... all arranged in what could almost be described as delicate, ornate, or even elegant patterns and styles, if it weren't for the subject matter at hand. Further inspection of her person would reveal she was wearing a necklace of the same sort.
bones, dear! i co//ect a// sorts and do varying things with them. these are a few fruits of my /abors, so to speak~

She again stares at his scars, then back up at him. Her expression is a thoughtful one. hmmm... but... I rare/y get a chance to hunt /and anima/s... usua//y on/y fish or tro//s... ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 03:46 PM (This post was last modified: 06-04-2014 03:47 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #39
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
He stared at the bracelet, then the necklace...and slowly scooted his chair back a bit. Why did the first Troll that spoke to him in this place have to be a freak of nature? In fact, why did anyone feel the need to go up and talk to him at all? "Did...you just tell me you make clothing frum bones? And...hunt Trolls, presumably for THEIR bones? I knew you were a psycho." He was about ready to get his knife from his Sylladex in case she admitted she wanted HIS bones too. He was fairly certain she was planning SOME sort of freaky shit, no wonder she went up to him out of nowhere like that...
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06-04-2014, 03:54 PM
Post: #40
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
She giggled, again, without any hint of malice. More akin to a teenage girl over a cute celebrity, actually.

no, si//y. I don't hunt tro//s specifica//y for their bones, though I do take them as prizes for my ki//s- come now, sure/y the fact that I ki// regu/ar/y can't surprise you. why are you even so tense? re/aaaax, chi// it down a bit, man.

She does recognize the look of cornered rodent in Uranio's eyes, though, and therefore makes no attempt to move closer to him.

I was mere/y going to see if we cou/dn't set up a sort of... trade agreement. ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 04:00 PM (This post was last modified: 06-04-2014 04:01 PM by Yaridovich23.)
Post: #41
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
That seemed to calm him down...a bit. He would no longer seemed like a cornered rodent and all that. Though he didn't scoot his chair back where it was. Her always cheerful attitude was starting to weird him out though. "I dun't give a fuck if you kill othur Trolls, but either way, keeping their bones is just creepy. And I'm always tense, get ovur it. As for the deal, I can see where this is going, but go ahead and tell me the specifics." She was a psycho, and annoying sure, but being a Tyrian she was most likely loaded. He could deal with her if just for her money...
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06-04-2014, 04:18 PM
Post: #42
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
a/ways tense? poor guy. I hope you have a good moirai/ that can he/p you with that. but yes, let's ta/k business...

She shrugs.

one /look at my shirt- my symbo/, mind you- and you know I'm /oaded. a// you have to do is hunt and name your price and I'// pay a good sum for each ki//'s remains. the on/y catch is you have to be wi//ing to dea/ with me when I come by to pick them up is a//. ///

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 04:24 PM
Post: #43
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: 8Kgme8h.gif]
He chose to ignore the comment about the Moirail. He felt...hesitant in letting her know he had any sort of Quadrant. And also the shirt comment, he's not that perverted. He scooted his chair back to how it was and nodded. "I'll assume by "remains" you mean just the bones? That seems to be your creepy obsession aftur all. But fine, I've always had to leave the bones behind anyway, nevur had a use for them before. It's a deal." He already assumed he had to deal with her, so the catch didn't really phase him. "Any animals in specific or due you not really care?"
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06-04-2014, 04:30 PM
Post: #44
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: xoHhNel.png]
for now, any o/d one wi// do. I don't have much in my co//ection as of right now. so, it's a dea/ then.
we//, this was fantastic. thanks a /ot, guy. I'// see you around. message me at intractibleGatherer when you have some stuff for me to come and get. goodbye~! ///


And with that she jumps up and bounds out of the café. One could swear she started to do cartwheels away once she was outside.

[Image: 9tRxu1G.png]
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06-04-2014, 04:32 PM
Post: #45
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: rVbgdHi.png]
Uranio sighed and rolled his eyes. The money is just barely worth having to deal with her. He stared angrily at the table for a minute and then headed home himself, hands in his pockets and thinking angry thoughts.
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06-09-2014, 08:27 AM
Post: #46
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: TritisRaekedV4.png]

Tritis walked into the cafe looking around. It was pretty empty. He thought to himself about what could be done in the empty building. Instead of trickery and stupidity he decided to just sit down and get himself a glass of water as he decided on a more proper meal.
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06-09-2014, 08:30 AM
Post: #47
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: kikina_by_icclo-d7lk25e.png]
look who walks in, a tall 6'6 girl with a bottle of wine in her hand and a grin on her face that would say she did something bad before walking in.
she looked around the cafe to see if anything interesting was going on.... nope only a redblood, how disappointing.
she sighed and walked toward a table to sit at it and took a sip from her bottle.
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06-09-2014, 08:42 AM
Post: #48
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: TritisRaekedV4.png]

"OH great.." Tritis thought to himself upon the entrance of a high blood. "I'M probably in for SOME stupid shit now..". He tried his best to pretend she wasn't there and that he wasn't the only one in the room besides her.
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06-09-2014, 08:46 AM
Post: #49
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: kikina_by_icclo-d7lk25e.png]
she groaned out of boredom. "╘ uuugh! so bored. ╛"
she looked around the cafe again and spied the little redblood. she grinnend and threw her half full wine bottle at him.
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06-09-2014, 08:55 AM
Post: #50
RE: Trollslum Cafe: If At First You Don't Succeed..
[Image: TritisRaekedV4feelingdown.png]

The bottle of wine soared through the air and if it weren't for his turned head. Tritis could have totally dodged it. Instead. SMASH. The bottle connected right with the back of his head and he fell down on the ground. He groaned a bit. " THAT fucking hurt.." On the ground he decided what to do next. Suddenly it could be heard from outside the cafe someone was saying. "What is that madwoman doing?" "Someone get in there and help him!" "Oh the humanity!" Though if you were to look outside you would notice that it's actually empty.
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