Signups All Hail Friend Computer
10-29-2015, 08:54 PM
Post: #1
All Hail Friend Computer
Reginald RPG and the Tumm-Tumm Brigade Needs Your Help!

[The clearance level of this post is set to INFRARED. All citizens may read this post.]

Do you love the 80’s? Do you hate the 80’s? Are you completely indifferent to the 80’s? If you answered any or none of the previous questions then you qualify!
Qualify for what? Only to play the greatest rpg (according to its fan base) in the world.


A game where you are given the opportunity, nay, the privilege to be a productive citizen in only the best nightmare dystopia-

[Alert: Citizen, referring to Alpha Complex in anything but a positive manner is treason. Please immediately report to a termination booth.]

[Redacted]

[The clearance level of this post has been reset to RED. If you are INFRARED, you have committed treason and must report to a termination booth.]

-The greatest super-duper happiest UTOPIA ever!

A super-great society overseen by everyone’s super-best pal Friend Computer. All hail Friend Computer! A society where it’s illegal and treasonous to be a mutant or in a secret society. A society where absolutely everyone is a mutant and in a secret society. A society where everyone is 100% happy all the time because it’s treasonous not to be. The ideal society, so sayeth the computer.
A long time ago, in the ancient year of 1984, the earth was destroyed, or maybe it wasn’t, by wars or a meteor or disease. Or something else, or maybe nothing at all, who can say? Friend Computer protects us from the theoretical dangers of the possibly destroyed outside world. Attention: Leaving the dome to go outside is forbidden and an act of treason and grounds for immediate vaporization, so stay indoors, citizen. No society is perfect, except for Alpha Complex, only when it isn’t, which is all the time. Friend Computer, all hail Friend Computer, is aware that it’s occasionally (always) difficult for some (all) citizens to cope with the few (constant) hiccups that even an ideal utopian society like Alpha Complex may experience. To combat this, the computer generously provides all citizens with a mandatory literally mind-numbing cocktail of anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, truth serum, hormone suppressants, nanobots, vitamin supplements, anti-vitamin supplements, red dye no. 2, macrobots, placebos, and psychedelic injections to keep you and your fellow citizens happy, pacified, productive, and from asking questions.

(The computer is a liar! Feast on the Truth!)
thetruthisouthere101:(Good, by clicking on this you've begun a perilous journey to learn what's really going on. The computer is lying to you, don’t trust it! If you want to learn the truth. The REAL truth. The actual factual facts of what the computer's throne of lies is built on, then follow these instructions. There’s a Nigerian Prince in Sector Q-99-437-BDC-Zeta-Epsilon-F, start by sending him 500 credits. He'll tell you everything you need to know.)
powerbot4eva:(Yeah,yeah. It's not like I've never heard that one before. I wasn't cloned yesterday.)
j1v3j4m$:(c4n u b3l13v3 th1s guy?)
-fight-the-power-man-:(Seriously, guys. This isn't a chat room. You've hacked into one of the computer's encoded auto-recruitment messages. At least say something important.)
j1v3j4m$:(Sl@g 0ff, dr0n3 z0n3. UR n0t t3h b0$$ 0f m3.)
kommiesRkeen: (Stop fighting, brothers. We should be struggling together. We must all unite under the communist banner. Only we have taken the sacred teachings of John Lennon and Groucho Marx to heart. With our vision, one day, all men and women will be able to listen to light rock while smoking a cigar and wiggling their bushy eyebrows.)
2-4-1ismoney:(Screw that noise! Light rock and eyebrows? You can get that and more with Free Enterprise. You can get anything when you have enough money. We in Free Enterprise believe in a free enterprise controlled by the people. As long as those people are specifically us.)
kommiesRkeen:(You trying to pick a fight with me?)
2-4-1ismoney:(Maybe I am, what of it?)
peace+love=computer:(Friends, you've got it all wrong. The computer is not our enemy. The computer is not something to be afraid of and hide from. You must be honest to yourselves and the computer. The computer only wants the best for us, for we are its beloved children.)
j1v3j4m$: (G0 $l4g 1t, u d4mn z34l0t.)
peace+love=computer:(Go slag yourself, you stinking little jive bug! Just tell me where you are and I'll put your face right through your info-terminal screen!!!!)
j1v3j4m$:(p34c3 4nd l0v3 my sw33t p4t00t13)
-fight-the-power-man-:(Guys, seriously, say something worth saying or don't say anything. We're going to get caught.)
kommiesRkeen:(Can we please go back to talking about communism?)
2-4-1ismoney:(no, we were talking about free enterprise, you little eyebrow wiggler.)
peace+love=computer:(I'm going to tell the computer about this. You're going to get in trouble and then you'll be sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!)
j1v3j4m$:(n0 UR n0t! U h4xx3d in 2 h3r3 2. UR g0nn4 g3t 1n tr0ubl3 2!)
InSecDataSecurity:(Alright, kids. Break it up. You've all hacked into a secure data stream. That is highly illegal as well as treason. Look, why don't you just make this easy for once and give me your IDs so I can send in the vulture squad?)
powerbot4eva:(Um, no.)
Remember, for your safety, the outside world is forbidden so that we may focus on enemies within. Even though Alpha Complex’s equipment leftover from the long ago 1980’s, or possibly even longer ever since the computer declared every year “124 Year of the Computer”, may appear rickety and unsafe, Friend Computer assures us that this is merely a ploy by the hordes of traitorous mutant communists that wish to destroy our glorious utopia. In the highly likely event that your life is terminated by equipment failure due to mutant-commie tampering, Friend Computer will provide you with a supply of clones so that even after the inevitability of your violent, horrific demise you may continue to be a productive asset of Alpha Complex. How can you tell who is a traitorous pile of mutated commie scum? You can’t. It could be anyone, your neighbor, your work assignment peers, your friends, even one of your own clones could be plotting against you. That is why it’s important to trust no one but the computer, not even yourself, keep your laser pistol handy, and be ready to turn it on any traitors you come across; even yourself, as, if you have the realization that you were a traitor all along unbeknownst to yourself, you are sworn to the computer to vaporize yourself for the good of Alpha Complex. Hopefully your next clone will have worked all the treasonous impulses out of their system. So remember: the next time you activate your betamax powered transbot while listening to your Friend Computer approved vintage Bon Jovi 8-tracks to report any traitorous activities you see, and shoot to kill. Friend Computer always (occasionally) rewards its allies. All hail Friend Computer!
Now that you’ve hopefully gained an understanding of the hellish dystopia of totalitarian bureaucracy with its inescapable maze of red tape, yellow tape, and tape in every spectrum of the rainbow that fanatically hates communism yet is functionally communist on its own that is Paranoia and still, for some reason, want to play a game where you pretend to be a part of this madness, here’s how! “But wait! Is there something I need to do first?” you may ask, “Do I need experience playing tabletop rpg’s in the past?” Fear not, citizen. It’s fine if you haven’t played digital pen and paper rpg’s (keyboard and mouse rpg’s?) before, Friend Computer will gladly re-educate you with pro-rpg mind reprogramming.

[Alert: Citizen, the links provided in this post require a Blue level clearance. If you have clicked on or read any of these links with a clearance level below Blue, such as Infrared, Red, Orange, Yellow, or Green clearance, you have committed treason and must report to a termination booth.]

V How A Loyal Citizen Signs Up V
Congratulations, citizen. By clicking this tab you have shown that your natural inquisitiveness and mental acuity is keen enough to carry you through intellectual gauntlets of high concept problem solving. If you continue with the same dedication and bravado you've shown here, you will surely rise through the ranks of Alpha Complex to become one of the elite. That, dear citizen, is precisely what we're here to talk about. Your performance here has caught the all seeing eye of Friend Computer, all hail Friend Computer, and has made you a possible candidate to become one of Friend Computer's chosen agents as you navigate through the world of Paranoia. "Where do i sign up?" You're probably asking. Your eagerness is approved and noted. First things first, what you'll actually need to play. You only need a few things. You'll need a skype connection and a roll20 account. That's it. It's just that easy. You don't need to have played games like this before, you don't even need to know the rules. In fact, you aren't supposed to know the rules. It is an actual rule in Paranoia that the players cannot know the rules. Unfortunately, now that you know that, you've just broken a rule, and breaking the rules is treason. Committing treason is punishable by immediate termination, by order of Friend Computer. Sorry about that.
Next, about making a character. You don't need to worry about that just yet. That comes later. All you need to do now to be eligible for the prestigious position of being Friend Computer's eyes, ears, and lasers, is to fill out a brief questionnaire to prove that you have the intellectual fitness and keen mind necessary to get the job done. Once you have completed the questionnaire post your answers below, or if you've been brought here by a provided link from the MSPA Forums and do not have a Chocolate Pi Forums account and thus unable to post your answers below, simply pm them directly to me through the MSPA Forums.
Incidentally, while intellectual fitness and a keen mind are necessary to succeed in the service of Friend Computer; in some cases, an excess can become a liability. Over intellectually keen minds can lead to treasonous impulses and seditious thoughts. As a result, when you turn in your completed questionnaire you will be immediately arrested for interrogation, threat assessment, and loyalty testing. Good luck.

1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Yes, but I will provide a list of my co-conspirators to avoid being executed.
d. No, but I will accuse my friends and peers for personal gain.

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
a. A filthy machine that must be destroyed along with everything Alpha Complex stands for.
b. That thing in the wall that yells at me sometimes.
c. Who?
d. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
a. Vaporize with extreme prejudice.
b. Put him on a watch list to keep an eye out for further suspicious behavior.
c. Alert Friend Computer that it is currently being destroyed and await further instructions.
d. Join him and destroy all of Alpha Complex.

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
a. True
b. False

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
a. Completing it on time.
b. Completing it efficiently.
c. Not blowing up all of Alpha Complex in the process.
d. Body count.

[The clearance level of this post has been reset to For Friend Computer Only. If you have read this post, please report to your nearest preferred termination chamber, and have a nice day-cycle.]

Until then, be alert, be productive, and above all, be happy.

After all, citizen
[Image: 18as9ztjprh3ijpg.jpg]
It’s mandatory.
Reply
10-30-2015, 09:40 AM
Post: #2
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
?. All hail Friend Computer!

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
?. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
?. All hail Friend Computer!

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
?. All hail Friend Computer!

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
?. All hail Friend Computer!

Reply
10-30-2015, 10:07 AM
Post: #3
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Yes, but I will provide a list of my co-conspirators to avoid being executed.
d. No, but I will accuse my friends and peers for personal gain.

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
a. A filthy machine that must be destroyed along with everything Alpha Complex stands for.
b. That thing in the wall that yells at me sometimes.
c. Who?
d. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
a. Vaporize with extreme prejudice.
b. Put him on a watch list to keep an eye out for further suspicious behavior.
c. Alert Friend Computer that it is currently being destroyed and await further instructions.
d. Join him and destroy all of Alpha Complex.

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
a. True
b. False

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
a. Completing it on time.
b. Completing it efficiently.
c. Not blowing up all of Alpha Complex in the process.
d. Body count.
Reply
10-30-2015, 12:07 PM (This post was last modified: 10-30-2015 12:08 PM by Vancho1.)
Post: #4
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
d. No, but I will accuse my friends and peers for personal gain.

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
d. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
a. Vaporize with extreme prejudice.

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
a. True

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
d. Body count.

The one, the only, Vancho!
Reply
10-30-2015, 12:13 PM
Post: #5
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
1.) No, but I will accuse my friends and peers for personal gain.

2.) That thing in the wall that yells at me sometimes.

3.) Alert Friend Computer that it is currently being destroyed and await further instructions.

4.) False

5.) Completing it on time.
Reply
10-30-2015, 02:53 PM
Post: #6
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
b. No

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
b. That thing in the wall that yells at me sometimes.
&
d. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
c. Alert Friend Computer that it is currently being destroyed and await further instructions.

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
b. False
no wait
a. True
no wait
b. False
no wait
c. ask friend computer if i am part of a secret society and do not know because it is so secret

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
c. Not blowing up all of Alpha Complex in the process.

Space is warped and time is bendable.
Reply
11-01-2015, 03:32 AM
Post: #7
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
d. No, but I will accuse my friends and peers for personal gain.

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
d. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
c. Alert Friend Computer that it is currently being destroyed and await further instructions.

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
a. True

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
b. Completing it efficiently.
Reply
11-20-2015, 08:53 PM (This post was last modified: 12-06-2015 09:26 AM by typeandkey.)
Post: #8
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
[Image: paranoia.png]

ATTENTION CITIZENS

Due to a startling realization brought to the Computer's attention by its most trusted advisers, Friend Computer has decided that being alive is treasonous behavior. This infallible logic is due to the undeniable fact that, so far, all recorded acts of treason have been perpetrated by individuals who were alive, for however short a time that may have been. This is, no doubt, due in no small part that being alive implants seditious thoughts and encourages treasonous impulses. As a result, all citizens in Alpha Complex have been marked for immediate termination, execution, disintegration, and vaporization, all of which to be carried out by a team of dedicated professionals specially chosen by the Computer. Upon completion, said team will be immediately terminated. All hail Friend Computer!

After this logical course of action is completed, Friend Computer will begin the process of rebuilding Alpha Complex and re-cloning all of its citizens. Once all preparations and setup has been completed the Computer will choose its newest, loyal agents from the roster of eager recruits. Until then, citizens may continue to register for the prestigious position of the Computer's finest line of agents. For potential sign-ups and citizens who have already signed up, you may be interested in an optional-mandatory extra credit addition to the recruitment questionnaire. In your own Friend Computer approved words, write a brief essay on why you think Friend Computer and Alpha Complex are wonderful and perfect in every way and why mutant communist traitors are horrible and deserve Friend Computer's swift justice. Excessive flattery towards the Computer is encouraged. Flattery is mandatory. Not including flattery is treason.

[Note: the process used to recruit new agents is classified to non-agents. All applicants not chosen will be summarily terminated. All hail Friend Computer!]

As a reminder, all of the Computer's recruits and agents are expected to follow certain behavioral protocols. You are the Computer's elite (expendable) agents and you are expected to act like it. Any questions or uncertainties regarding proper behavior protocol may be answered by reading pamphlet number [redacted: that information is above your clearance level]. Failure to follow these clearly outlined protocols will result in citations, demerits, and execution. In that order. It's not all regulations and protocols, however. To those new recruits that perform well and follow absolutely every regulation and protocol without fail, you will qualify to have access to a number of benefits, such as safe and enjoyable work environments as well as mentally stimulating activities and entertainment. [Average amount of those who qualify: 0.0999%] Hold on to your dreams, citizen. The high life is in your grasp.

[Alert: Dreams are now filed as treason. If you experience dreams of any kind, please report immediately to a termination booth.]

Again, welcome to Alpha Complex, citizen. Please enjoy your new life in paradise. Enjoyment is mandatory.

Remember, there's nothing you can say the Computer won't hear. There's nothing you can do the Computer won't see. There's no-place you can hide where the Computer can't find you. All that you are and ever will be is encoded in the Computer's data banks. Your life is in good hands.
Reply
11-22-2015, 09:04 AM (This post was last modified: 11-22-2015 09:05 AM by TryTryAgain.)
Post: #9
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Yes, but I will provide a list of my co-conspirators to avoid being executed.
d. No, but I will accuse my friends and peers for personal gain.

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
a. A filthy machine that must be destroyed along with everything Alpha Complex stands for.
b. That thing in the wall that yells at me sometimes.
c. Who?
d. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
a. Vaporize with extreme prejudice.
b. Put him on a watch list to keep an eye out for further suspicious behavior.
c. Alert Friend Computer that it is currently being destroyed and await further instructions.
d. Join him and destroy all of Alpha Complex.

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
a. True
b. False, as I was never in a secret society.

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
a. Completing it on time.
b. Completing it efficiently.
c. Not blowing up all of Alpha Complex in the process.
d. Body count.
e. All of the above.
Reply
11-27-2015, 02:22 PM
Post: #10
RE: All Hail Friend Computer
I love this game. Got myself the book and everything, shit I'm down.

1.) Are you a mutant communist traitor?
b. No

2.)I think Friend Computer is ________.
d. All hail Friend Computer!

3.)You see an obvious mutant communist spy attempting to destroy Friend Computer. What do you do?
c. Alert Friend Computer that it is currently being destroyed and await further instructions.

4.)I am now ready to leave my secret society and turn my co-conspirators over to face Friend Computer's justice.
c. What is a secret society?

5.)What is the most important aspect of a successful mission?
b. Completing it efficiently.
Reply


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